#valid emotions

SOMETIMES PEOPLE FUCKING WRONG US AND WE HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE FURIOUS!!!

#feelings #feeling #validfeelings #valid #emotion #emotions #emotionsmatter #mentalhealthwarrior #mentalhealth #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthblogger #mentalillness #mentalhealthquote #therapy #therapist #psychology

Hello friend,

I am so sorry to hear about your pet. I lost my dog at the beginning of Covid and it absolutely shattered me. Sometimes people don't understand that it is very real and deep grief when a pet passes. A pet can be just as much a part of your life as a person is, and you have just as much right to take the space that you need to for your grief.

(I am not going to shout at you today)

My advice is to just take that space and time that you need, and anyone who questions it, first explain to them that your pet was very important to you and you had a strong bond. If they don't accept that, fine. Fuck them, basically. You shouldn't have to justify yourself or your grief to anybody and I very much hope that nobody expects you to.

It helped me a lot to look at pictures (I also got to keep some of her hair and they give me some paw prints they made. I hope you have that sort of opportunity too).

My next piece of advice is that grief isn't something that really has an endpoint to it and you shouldn't expect it to. When someone dies, there will also be sadness there, and what we call "grief" is really just the very intense period when it's still close to the forefront of the mind. But we shouldn't expect an end point. There isn't one and that's okay. Writing this now, I'm thinking about my poor girl, and I'm quite teary about it. (In my case, it was extremely traumatic, so that's always going to add to the intensity of emotion) That's OK that it still makes me sad now, three years later. It doesn't mean I'm "not over it" or that there's something wrong with my grieving process. It just means that I loved my dog very very much, her loss was deeply distressing and sometimes I still have feelings about it.

That's OK. I still have feelings about my Grandmother too. And my Uncle, who has been gone ten years now - sometimes they are sad feelings because he is gone. Sometimes they are happy feelings because I remember something funny he said or a nice thing we did together. The point is - you will get through the intense feelings you have now and come out through it, but don't push yourself to "get over it" or feel like there's something wrong because you're not achieving zero grief.

And most definitely do remember to take care of yourself. If you have to make yourself a journal, or a little page you stick up on the wall or the fridge, do that. "Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, Shower, Brush Teeth, Medication" - whatever the essentials are, tick them off each day to make sure they get done. If you live with someone else and you feel comfortable, have them monitor it and check in with you. If not, ask a friend to check in. You can also add something like "One good thing that happened today" or "Three emojis to describe today" (I like to describe my day without emotional faces. Just pictures to express what happened to me during the day, and then my sister has to guess the story. Always ends up fun, because she's never right!)

Please take care of yourself and feel free to let me know how you go.

IT'S OK!!! CHANGE IS SCARY!!! BEING AFRAID OF UNKNOWN THINGS IS A SURVIVAL MECHANISM - BEING CAUTIOUS KEEPS US SAFE!!! BUT CHANGE CAN ALSO BE EXCITING!!! IT CAN BE FUN!!! CHANGE CAN MEAN GOOD THINGS!!! DIFFERENT DOESN'T MEAN BAD!!!