no matter how normalised it gets I will die on the hill that it is rude to record strangers in public without their consent
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no matter how normalised it gets I will die on the hill that it is rude to record strangers in public without their consent

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Upstairs Kevin Is Actually For Real The World's Most Perfect Betta Fish
So for those of you not familiar with my recent descent into fishkeeping, about 2 months ago a friend of mine who does Hazardous Waste cleanup (specifically cleaning up hazardous places like meth labs) called me up and asked:
"You have fish, right?"
"...Why?" I asked, having become aware that the Fish Distribution System is even more aggressive than the cat one.
"I found a fish in the back of an abandoned trap house. Alive." She clarified.
I could feel my fate settling upon my soul.
"...Send me a pic so I can ID the species and I'll see what I can do."
She sent me a picture of a small purplish squiggle in six inches of fetid green muck. But when I arrived to collect the sludge creature he turned out to look like this:
He's difficult to photograph in focus, but he's a deep wine-dark creature with an iridescent blue sheen. The red patches on his fins mirror where the fins of a Plakat/wild Betta splendens would be, and the rest of his fins are a ghostly shimmering white. This fish was in six inches of toxic green shit.
Naturally, he needed the finest tank I could put together that afternoon.
I think I did alright.
He's so fucking cute. He always swims up to watch when anyone approaches. I've got him trained to do a little dance when I feed him. He likes watching me doing anything in front of his tank.
That's all actually pretty typical of Bettas- they're very intelligent and curious creatures and like learning, which is more than I can say for some of my relatives.
Where Upstairs Kevin (so named because his tank is in my upstairs bathroom) really shines is that a lot of Bettas are... Not sociable. They often eat shrimp, attack other fish in their tank (or get stressed out of they can't commit enough violence to maintain their personal space) or constantly harass and nip the snails in their tanks. Most Bettas are genuinely happier being alone.
Kevin fucking loves his snail (Bluebert) and will shimmy as fast as he can over whenever Bluebert falls off something (it's fine, this is a normal way for mystery snails to get from one place to another).
When I had my Nego D'Aguas in the holding tank, I had to put three of the smallest ones in with him because they were being harassed in the small tank, and he was a perfect gentleman with them. He was trying very hard to shoal with them, but they're very zippy. He was visibly upset (lethargic, dulled colors) when I moved them back to the big tank.
Today was the real acid test: I'm going to move him from his 5 gallon to the 10 gallon so I can use the 5 as a hospital/spare plants tank, and I needed to know if I could have shrimp in with him. Even Betta that are cool with other fish can still see a shrimp and decide they're at the buffet. Unfortunately, there's no real way to know without putting shrimp in with the Betta.
So earlier today, I got half a dozen super-discounted Rilli shrimp (LFS has a massive overstock of them for some reason) and added them to his 5 gallon. There are a bunch of hiding places for shrimp in there and if he was aggressive with them I'd move him to the 10 gallon immediately (I don't want to do that just yet because I need to move the furniture around in there a bit).
Friends.
The shrimp are fully swimming in the open and Kevin is just following them around, curious, but only curious. No gill-flaring, no posturing, no lunges or snapping. Some of them are red, a color that normally triggers aggression in Bettas, and he's just. Hanging out, watching them eat biofilm off the moss. One of them accidentally landed on his head and stayed there for 3 seconds and he only went "???" Until it took off again.
My beautiful and perfect and son who is so kind and gentle with his tiny friends.
Mon Cher
you put a note in price’s lunchbox ! (18+ mdni)
it’s a known fact that price’s wife packs his lunch every day when he’s on desk duty. soap always used to ask what the “missus” had made, getting his hands on the box you have packed for your husband.
( nowadays, you pack enough for four hungry men anyway, you’ve seen how starved they are all the time, how they eat your sunday roast like a pack of wolves. )
today is no different, the little bento boxes are labelled. a little skull for ghost, a bar of soap for soap and a little hat for gaz. and your husband gets a bento box with a love note on it, like every day.
you always put something sweet in there, and he always takes the post it note and saves it in his desk drawer. it works, you’re shy as a mouse at the best of times, and writing these notes and making this food is the way you really show affection.
“your missus has outdone herself this time.” soap says, as he opens up the first box to the smell of steaming curry, probably butter chicken with the way it looks. the box underneath has small dumplings, john knows you’ve been obsessed with filling them yourself, the soup is completely your own recipe.
price blushes, face going red. he looks away to see ghost already hungrily going for the food with a spoon, the rice halfway complete. gaz is taking a photo, probably to send to his own girlfriend as inspo. you and her really get along.
johnny leans on simon’s shoulder, and nudges to split a dumpling.
it’s nice like this.
until he sees the folded up paper at the bottom of his final box, taped to the bottom.
he opens it, why wouldn’t he, there in the mess room.
he opens it, and slams it closed. not here.
it’’s a photo of you, angled, in the lingerie he brought you last month. pink and red, cherries littered on the straps. it’s lacy, and he hasn’t seen you wear it before.
he excuses himself to his office, his cock already painful from the glimpse. his hands hiding it as he shuffles into the room.
the locks clicks, and he takes his cock out, thick and heavy. and unfolds the photo.
it looks good. you look good, the lace cupping your boobs, cunt wet already. your hands tease your clit, and he’s so painfully hard from just looking at the photo.
february 14th. of course you’d do that. you’d be too shy to do anything at home but this? an image, you could do that for him.
his hands smear precum over his cock, and he starts rubbing it, desperate for relief. your cunt wouls be so fucking tight around him, but you aren’t here. you’re at home, twenty minutes away. and he has meetings.
it’s not long before he comes, with spurts of white cum that he tries to desperately keep a hold of. his hand doesn’t grip as hard as you, it’s not as warm as you, fucking hell.
he’ll fuck you right when he gets home. but for now the image of you is enough, teasing him.
okay wait realistically when do you guys think ilya realized shane was Different neurologically?
i know the first thought is like. when shane was folding his pants before sex but i honestly think ilya just thought it was dorky and cute and didn't think too deeply into it
to me, when i consider how ilya interprets all of their interactions up until florida, the stylist reveal at the bar is when ilya fully realizes that shane is really just wired completely differently than most people and that's why none of their interactions have ever made sense to him.
this is also a personal headcanon of mine and i don't think this is in the text or meant to be BUT HEAR ME OUT
he sits through their entire conversation with such obvious anxiety, tapping and twitching and staring and thinking shane can see it and is just torturing him with the build-up to his engagement announcement because ilya deserves it. and then shane goes. can i tell you a secret? :) and ilya's like FUCK no PLEASE don't but his mouth says okay because he is a masochist and he needs to know where they stand and if he's about to fight for his right to be shane's mistress, and shane just goes 'i..... hired a stylist :3'
and ilya just.
come with me on this face journey for a moment
this FOR ME is the moment ilya realizes that he's been misunderstanding shane completely. i don't think he goes 'oh shit... autistic' but i do think he fully understands that shane is just Like That and genuinely can't read the room for shit and has no idea ilya is crawling out of his skin to know if they can be something again
anyone else would have acknowledged the hints he was dropping. the physical cues. the updowns. but not shane. which means none of his past attempts to silently communicate got through, either. which means. a lot.
and then ilya gets so much bolder, flirtier, he asks what he wants to know directly, he touches shane more, he's more playful. it was never about shane not wanting him the way ilya wanted him. he realizes shane just doesn't know how bad ilya wants him, because ilya hasn't been communicating in a way shane can understand. and that heals a lot of hurt in an instant

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shane continuously needing to one-up ilya (and fucking succeeding omg) is so great. like, ilya wins the junior championship? shane wins it the next year. Ilya gets drafted first? shane wins rookie of the year. Ilya wins the cup first? shane wins it twice in a row. ilya tells shane he likes girls? shane dates a beautiful, famous movie actress. ilya says i love you first? well, shane's got the next ten years of their marriage planned already.
ilya's slept with a boy before? guess what, shane hollander is going to have his first time with his hot, talented, sexy, beautiful rival ilya rozanov, thank you very much.