#uplink

Across the vast expanse of the multiverse anything is possible…even utterly ridiculous things…

It was a great solar cycle. At Metroplex, the bots of all shapes and stripes gathered together to witness a momentous event that hasn’t been occurring since the beginning of the Great War, twelve million stellar cycles ago : the election of a new Magnus, the highest Autobot leader on Cybertron !

Reporter-bot Uplink provided the live coverage of the ceremony as the distant figure came out to the balcony to greet the crowd. The bots down below went wild as thousands of optics and camera-droids focused on the Autobot who was chosen to pick up the office after the late Ultra Magnus, who passed away quietly in the stasis lock, succumbing to the wounds inflicted upon him by the double agent who pretended to be Head of Intelligence

Finally, the new Magnus was here in the open for all to see and admire. He was a rising star on the Cybertronian political scene, boosted by a recent major victory over a grave threat that might’ve conquered the peaceful center of the Autobot Commonwealth unaware. Once he was an unpromising low-level bot but he clawed his way to glory through sheer courage and determination ! Now, he’s ready to take the spotlight…

« I am Wreck-Gar ! People love me ! » - orange bot composed of Earth junk and scrap said in his usual overexcited manner. Although he never was mindful of his own not-so-clean appearance, for this special occasion the best bodyshop workers and cosmetics specialists made Wreck-Gar’s mismatched chassis shine brighter than the Allspark. The majestic cape rested on his shoulders, decorated in an elegant yet rough pattern of fine mechanical parts

« It’s an honor, Wreck-Gar » - Alpha Trion, Head of the Guilds Domesticus and the oldest Cybertronian known to exist, addressed him. He was holding the huge, powerful-looking Magnus Hammer in his hands, ready to give it to Wreck-Gar - « In all history, you’re the youngest Magnus that has ever been, but in my billions of stellar cycles, I’ve never seen a bot more worthy than you. We expect great things from you…now, accept the symbol of your rule »

« Uhuhu, thanks ! » - Wreck-Gar accepted the fabled Stormbreaker with a naive smile but found it a bit too heavy, so he shoved it in the nearly-limitless storage subspace of his trashbin-backpack, probably losing the priceless artifact forever - « I am Wreck-Gar, I am the youngest Magnus and you expect great things from me ! »

Wreck-Gar was happier than ever before in his life. His deepest dream came true : he was surrounded by the people who loved him and counted on his help ; all the crème de la crème of the Cybertron population was here to keep him company ; besides the aforementioned Alpha Trion, there were : the Head of Military Sentinel Prime, the newly-appointed Head of Intelligence Cliffjumper, Head of Science Guild Perceptor, Head of Transportation Guild Sky Garry, Head of Commerce Guild Decimus Quadrillions, Head of Xenobotanical Guild Botanica and even Head of Space Bridge Maintenance Optimus Prime !

With the feel of the great responsibility upon himself, Wreck-Gar addressed the crowd of the citizens that needed him so greatly

« I am Wreck-Gar Magnus, people of Cybertron, the highest Autobot of them all ! » - the crowd cheered in anticipation of the words of wisdom that soon will be dispensed - « My first command as ruler is that there will be a new law that’ll make you happy as I am right now ! FREE GARBAGE !!! Juicy, useful, beautiful garbage for every mech, femme and protoform to enjoy »

The crowd erupted in applause as Wreck-Gar Magnus continued

« In fact…» - he scratched his cheek, thoughtful - « Forget that ! I’ll promise to transform Cybertron into paradise for trash-lovers !! By my servo the brand-new era is coming !!! Age of Garbage !!! I am Wreck-Gar Magnus and this is my gift for you, Cybertron ! »

Giving the gesture to Perceptor, Wreck-Gar Magnus initiated the process of bringing his words into reality

« Let’s start World Engines !! » - in exuberance, Wreck-Gar Magnus tried to pull out his Stormbreaker to make a spectacular lighting show for dramatic effect but instead he pulled out a bent motorcycle tailpipe. The priceless artifact was indeed lost forever. Nevertheless, he brandished his staff as the metal ground beneath everyone’s feet trembled and rumbled

Planet Cybertron itself began to move out of its orbit

Deep into the bowels of the technological world, Autoworkers reactivated the ancient and long-unused gargantuan propulsion engines, which turned the metallic sphere into a spacefaring dreadnought. Slowly but surely, the homeworld of the Cybertronian race flew out of its native Hadeen star system into the wider Autobot Commonwealth territory

« Rejoice !! » - Wreck-Gar Magnus preached from atop the balcony - « In time, our mighty planet will reach planets Goo and Junk. Then, it’ll collide with them both, giving us paradise, which we deserve ! It will no longer be Cybertron, its name will be…uh…CyberGooJunk…Tron ? »

And as the planet raced to the inevitable collision course, Wreck-Gar thought he did good work with a calm Spark

« 🎶 Tilllll alll areee oneeeee 🎶…» - this was Wreck-Gar Magnus’s words before Cybertron was mashed together with two other planets, ensuring a glorious era of peace and prosperity

…

« What kind of timeline is that ?! » - Ratchet shouted in anguish and jaw-dropping disbelief as he watched the video on the screen

« As far as I can tell…it’s full of garbage » - Wheeljack noted sardonically beside him, then called the other bot across the lab - « Skids ! What do you think of it ? Timeline ramifications are your field of expertise ! »

The bright green bot diverted attention from his console with readings, responding to his colleague - « This one is peculiar. I haven’t seen anything like this back in my unmeasurable stay in Time Loop »

« This is absurd ! » - Ratchet was still indignant - « I know Wreck-Gar ! Weird but nice kid, helped us with a few scrapes back on Earth. But…that Cybertron. What’s wrong with these idiots ? How can anyone dare to be stupid enough to do such a thing ?! »

« Well, Ratchet…» - Skids shrugged, in knowing fashion - « Multiverse is a crazy place. Any slag can and will happen in some little timeline. Besides, don’t forget to whom we owe the opportunity to look into these realms »

All three bots turned their heads to the fourth hapless bot, who was tightly-secured in his chair. Beachcomber. Until recently, he was a fallen-out-of-grace geologist who spent his solar cycles galumphing around alleys of Iacon and abusing all sorts of drugs. At least, until rumors reached the right audio-receptors about how these substances make Beachcomber see things. Quite correct things, actually. As it turns out, the little junkie possesses a latent, rare special power buried in his power chip rectifier : psychic precognition. He can see into the future or even into splinter timelines, but only when stoned. So, it didn’t take long for Beachcomber to be dragged off the streets and into the deepest lab levels of Metroplex. There, Ratchet, Wheeljack and Skids hooked him into the Brainstormer, which transmits what Beachcomber sees in his trips under the effects of syk and crysmag

« I still don’t like what we need to do » - Ratchet grumbled darkly, turning his gaze away from brain-dizzied Beachcomber

« Sentinel Magnus’s orders » - Skids shrugged again, sharing the sentiment with Ratchet, but being more cooler and professional

« Hey, Skids, I was meaning to ask » - Wheeljack broke the awkward silence with his customary Fallen-may-care jovial tone - « Why don’t you just leave this timeline ? Slag, it isn’t even your original spacetime ! »

« Wish I could » - Skids shrugged for the third time. This became a bit annoying for both bots - « Time travel ain’t an easy feat, y’know. I barely prevented these nasty parasites from eating me »

« Don’t know about you guys but I take a few megacycles outside » - Ratchet said, walking to the exit door - « I need to roll my wheels a little »

« Okay » - Wheeljack gave a thumbs up

As Ratchet transformed into his ambulance mode and rolled down the hallways, itching to see the Cybertronian night sky, he still couldn’t stop thinking about that stupid timeline where Wreck-Gar Magnus became ruler of the garbage planet. Ratchet knew this thought was utterly ridiculous…but he still couldn't shake the feeling that this Cybertron was a happier place than his own…

Group with Dog and Cat

Tintype of an older woman, a young man, a young woman, and a girl sitting on a stoop. They have a dog and a cat. The back says that the photograph was donated by Father Owen Bennett on June 29, 1957.

Ontonagon County Historical Society

Casually hacking computer systems (in Uplink) when I suddenly find the pee files