I regularly get accused of abusing my wife on the basis of me being a trans man. I don’t post relationship content, I don’t really post about her at all outside of our relationship’s relationship to antitransmasculinity and transandrophobia within the trans community, or when I’m just mentioning a story with her in it. All people are going off of is that I’m a trans man. However, people also (less often due to the fact that most of the people who come across my blog are transandrophobes rather than just transmisogynists/transphobes in general) accuse her of abusing me on the basis that she is a trans woman. When I had my first post on my tboy-cock (at that point it was t4transsexual) blow up, long before it became a blog largely to boost the voices and stories of trans men that are forcibly silenced, it was a post about a conversation my wife and I had, before we had even hit half a year in our relationship. It was a sentimental post that to me highlighted the desire among trans people to live and be who we are, and trans love in general. And that post blew up, which as a trans person posting about trans topics means that a lot of TERFs and other transphobes found it and began harassing me on and about that post. I had a lot of messages accusing my wife of being a “pervert” and abusing me/”women”. The only reason that people accuse either of us of abusing each other is because of our transness.
There aren’t a lot of trans criminals that make big news. Most people who have experienced some form of violence from a trans person are also trans themselves, it is very rare that cis people of any gender are on the receiving end of violence from trans people. And of course, trans on trans violence isn’t considered an issue because transphobes do not care about trans lives. However, any time a trans person commits a violent crime, either sexual assault or physical violence/murder, their transness is not only treated as the reason that they were violent, but often worse than the violence that they have committed. Transphobes, including other trans people, accuse trans people of being abusive/rapists just because they’re trans, and often times a trans person’s trans status, even if they have not committed any act of violence, is seen as a sign that they will either commit an act of violence against someone that they view as underprivileged, or proof that they have already done it and are hiding it. Trans people aren’t seen as people, we are seen as predators and that it is only a matter of time before we prey on somebody.
Notably, Chris Chan. I don’t know her preferred name, I think it’s Christina, so I will call her that, and as far as I know her pronouns are she/her. Christinia is a severely mentally disabled trans woman who has been being preyed on by largely the kinds of people who would frequent 4chan and KiwiFarms for a long time, since I was a kid. When I first heard about her, the main discussion was that she’s a trans woman and that she’s creepy. She was seen as being creepy and a future sexual predator because she was a trans woman. Currently, as far as I’m aware, she has confessed to sexually abusing her elderly mother. Whether Christina is a reliable narrator and even committed the crime (she could’ve been tricked into saying that) or if she has the mental capacity to know what she did was wrong and therefore be held accountable for it is another discussion, but we’re talking about the way people talk about her crime and her identity. Her transness is seen as the worst crime that she has committed. Her committing an act of sexual violence is only tacked on to the fact that she is transgender, and seen as secondary to it. She was already labeled as a predator before any of this because she is a trans woman, despite the fact that she is severely mentally disabled and was being preyed on in the first place, and was likely either tricked into doing it or admitting to a crime that she didn’t commit by the people who preyed on her. And being trans is still seen as the worst thing that she has done.
This is only one example. Any time a trans person makes any rounds for being “problematic,” their transness is seen as the main issue. I made a post last year about having been raped and almost killed by a trans woman I dated back in 2022, and the responses I got from other trans women about it, and TERFs who found it claimed that it was because she was trans and acted like her worst crime was being trans and not attempted murder and domestic abuse, and the TRFs and transandrophobes who found it attacked me and claimed that I either deserved it or was making it up because I’m a trans man, and being trans is worse than attempted murder and domestic abuse. That post would not have blown up like it did if neither of us were trans, and especially not if she was cis in any direction. If she was cis and had killed me and that made news, I would’ve been misgendered in the articles and people would be celebrating my death because I am a trans man. If I was cis and she had killed me and that made news, she would’ve been misgendered in the articles and people would’ve claimed that being trans is inherently violent and that is the reason that it happened. As it stands, if she had succeeded in killing me as our identities were and are, it would not have made news, and transphobes (including transandrophobes) would be covering it up because nobody cares if a trans person is victimized, most even celebrate it.
But when a trans person victimizes someone. ESPECIALLY a cis person. Or is even just accused of being mildly problematic. People LOVE that. People love being able to attack a trans person’s transness and it be socially acceptable because they were a bad person. The less than handful of times a trans person has committed a mass shooting, even the most progressive “trans allies” are so excited to get to misgender a trans person because “they killed people,” even though they never misgender the cis men who do. And their transness is still seen as the defining crime. Not the violence that they have committed, their transness is the biggest issue. At best the actual crime is seen as the natural consequence of their transness and used as a reason to demand for the genocide of trans people.
Oftentimes the trans person never committed a crime and was just trans. When I had a TikTok account, a cis man said I was “weird,” and then specified with, “I mean pedo weird.” I don’t remember what video I had posted, but it didn’t involve anything about kids, or any kind of sexuality at all. It was just because I was trans. Trans people are accused of being pedophiles just for being trans, and I’m not talking about the sect of TRF that openly admit to being pedophiles, I’m talking about trans people who have never mentioned anything about that. I’m talking about trans people who were victimized as children themselves and have to go through life being accused of victimizing kids because they’re trans and nothing else. I was called a groomer for being trans. This is not unique to me. It is not unique to trans men. This is not a post talking about antitransmasculinity. This is true for all trans people.
And I rewatched a 3 year old video by Drew Gooden called “TikTok hates your relationship” today, talking about the way that people will see a 6-10 second video of a couple doing the most mundane activities and make all sorts of wild and baseless claims, accusing them of abusing each other, cheating, being misogynistic/misandrist, hating each other, all sorts of things. These were videos such as a married couple with kids putting the kids to bed and then having some alone time for an hour, or a woman posting a video with the caption “when he doesn’t post you on social media but all your bills are paid and he takes care of you”. Comments such as, “if you never want to be together why are you even married,” “you clearly hate each other, just get a divorce if you’re that unhappy,” “you’re unhappy in your relationship and it’s YOUR FAULT because you’re not telling him what you want,” “he doesn’t post you because he wants the other women to think he’s single,” “I hope he can find a real woman who pays her share of bills,” and the fan favorite, “ok, we see what he does, what does SHE provide to the relationship?” any time a video highlights what one partner, typically the man in a cisheterosexual relationship, does for the relationship. A lot of these people post relationship content, but we as trans people are accused of abusing our partners just because we’re trans. We don’t even have to mention our partners. We don’t even have to mention our relationships. To be trans in wider society (and oftentimes among other queer/trans people as well) is akin to having admitted to violently abusing your partner, and if you don’t have a partner then you’re going to when you get one, and even if you don’t want a partner then ok, you’re a pedophile and a rapist anyway. But being trans is seen as the real/worst crime, the pedophilia and rape that they accuse us of is just seen as a natural occurrence in trans people.
