#tozbrak

this is? i don’t know what happened okay i’m sorry. 

for somebody so known for being loud, richie tozier wasn’t too much of a fan of noise.

as much shouting and raising of his own voice he’d do in his excitement, he’ll be the first to slap his hands over his ears if things get too loud 

if you yell at richie tozier, he’s probably going to start to cry or shake.

when he was younger though? it was 10x worse. 

when richie was very young, his parents weren’t as well as they grew to be in in his young teen years 

because they started their family young, before his father fully knew what he wanted to do with his job 

so when richie is five, his father went to school. working full time and doing full time schooling left little time for anything else. it felt even less money for anything.

this was okay, really. they didn’t hurt too much, they had to pinch the occasional penny here or there and maybe richie’s clothes were a little more worn down than the other kids but he liked them that way. 

they had a nice house, thanks to the richie’s grandparents had left his mother when they passed, and it didn’t seem like anybody in derry had any reason to place judgement on the toziers’ aside from their odd hyperactive son but richie didn’t really notice that sort of thing yet. 

the world was painted in rose colours until richie turned seven and found out he needed glasses.

richie hadn’t even thought anything of it aside from how he didn’t want glasses. he was in second grade now and suddenly all the kids he’d known for years weren’t being as nice as they used to be. 

So Much, Yet Somehow Not Enough

(A Reddie Black Mirror/San Junipero AU.)

/He was beautiful, in a word. Dark curls messy and hanging to his chin, brown eyes obscured behind thick glasses. His cheekbones were high and his mouth seemed to take up most of his face, and it made Eddie want to reach out and /touch/.

“Richie.” The man said simply, voice like honey. Like he didn’t understand the gift that he had just given. Or maybe he was all-too aware. He was smirking, and as much as Eddie wanted to be bothered by his confidence, he just couldn’t bring himself to be. Not when this beautiful stranger was exactly what Eddie was looking for./

Only Told The Moon: A Reddie Fanfiction Chapter One

Eddie Kaspbrak laid on his twin bed in his small bedroom, he had just finished his last exam before summer vacation and he was relieved. He didn’t care about his grades at this point because he knew he would pass. But he was done and that’s all that mattered, he was ready for summer. Although he didn’t care much for swimming and other summer activities he was excited to be with his friends. But he was scared as well, the overall joy of summer had been taken away when he was only eleven years old. He tried his best not to think about it but it was difficult especially when you considered what happened over that summer. But he wasn’t gonna bother himself with those memories at the moment. He was just gonna lay down and enjoy the peace and quiet of-

“Eddie!” He heard his mother call from the downstairs living room. He rolled his eyes and slowly got up knowing she’d want to know how his exam went, although he didn’t even know saying he just did it. He couldn’t complain because his mother wanted to know about his marks, it was because she cared. But he was tired and just wanted to sleep, that plans out the window. “Eddie, come and see me.”

The small boy slowly walked out of his room quietly shutting the door behind him. He walked down the stairs and into the den where his mother was sitting in her brown lazy boy. “Hi mommy,” Eddie said with a tiered smile as he sat down on the couch beside her chair “what’s up?”

“How was your exam?” She asked smiling at her son, Eddie was her prized possession. She loved him so much, possibly a little bit too much. She always cared about him and especially his health. She wanted to make sure that he never got hurt or anything like that. When Eddie was younger she put him on sugar pills to trick him into thinking he was sick in some way. Eddie had asthma, that was basically it. She’d make it seem like so much more, trying to get him a free pass in gym because of his “delicate lungs” or the sugar pills. Eddie was fast and he enjoyed running, he didn’t like sports though because they are gross. But he was fast, impressively fast. That’s why he took gym, it wasn’t a necessity for a grade 11 but it was the only time he could run. He told his mother that he needed four to pass high school when he only really needed one. But after all of that he still loved his mother, she was his mom, he couldn’t imagine hating her.

“It was fine.” Eddie responded with a perky tone as he turned his focus off of his mother and onto the window behind the tv. Someone was outside of his house, not a stranger but a friend.

Richie Tozier, Richie and Eddie had made plans to hangout over the summer with the rest of their friend group. But those plans weren’t for the day exams ended, why the hell was Richie here? Richie looked funny, not like funny how he usually looked, funny as in different. He usually dressed in oversized clothing or clothing that is far too small and his thick rimmed glasses that were huge compared to his face, not to mention his messy hair that was never combed or styled. But he somehow made the terrible look work, and what he was wearing right now wasn’t that terrible look Eddie was used to. Richie was dressed semi nicely, he had a non-Hawaiian button up shirt on that actually fit with black dress pants and what looked like washed black converse. His hair was combed a bit not really creating a difference, but it looked more tamed than usual. The look was topped off with his dorky glasses, something Richie couldn’t change easily. Eddie was kind of glad about that, he liked Richie’s glasses. But this was confusing, why was he dressed up and why was he at Eddie’s house dressed up? He got shaken out of his thoughts when he saw Richie go back to his old beaten down car and grab something, flowers? Why did Richie have flowers? Okay now this is really weird. Richie made his way up to the Kaspbrak household mumbling stuff underneath his breath until he got to the door. He took in a deep breath and prepared to knock, right before his fist hit the door he pulled it away. He shook his head and walked back into his car and drove off. Eddie was speechless, he sat on his couch with his mouth wide open.

“Eddie what’s wrong?” His concerned mother asked staring at her wide mouthed son, she had been watching what was on the tv and not what was going on outside like Eddie.

“Nothing.” Eddie said still shocked about the events that happened outside the window, he was so incredibly confused. So many thoughts were going through his brain and he had no idea how he should feel about what happened.

A few hours passed and Eddie still was confused, he hadn’t even tried to figure it out though. All he did was think about it, he thought about Richie. This wasn’t the first time Eddie has thought about Richie, they were best friends of course they thought about each other. But not in the ways Eddie did, Eddie thought about Richie as more than a friend. That’s what made this situation so much more difficult, Eddie was in love with Richie Tozier. Eddie had never admitted these feelings, he hasn’t even admitted that he likes boys. But he knew he did, he knew it for along time. Instead of admitting his feelings he shut them out, he locked them up inside and decided they were pointless.

Eddie was back in his room on his bed, staring at the ceiling. It was now 11:46 pm and Eddie was still thinking about Richie. He decided that he needed sleep but something was holding him against the idea of sleep. He tried and tried with no success. Eventually he gave up and sat on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands, what was he gonna do? Frustrated and confused, he stared out of his window into the beautiful night sky looking directly at the moon. He felt some sort of invisible force pull him off of his bed and towards the window. He placed his elbows on the window sill and stared off at the moon. He had never done anything like this, although he had never been in a situation exactly like this either. Eddie lifted his small hands to the top of the window and slowly opened it so he could get some air in. He repositioned himself on the sill to his position he was holding before he opened the window and continued staring at the moon. This is ridiculous, he thought. A 16 year old boy staring at the moon and 12:00 am, ridiculous. He also thought that his feelings for Richie were also ridiculous. He thought a lot was ridiculous, almost everything to Eddie Kaspbrak was ridiculous. But he didn’t stop, if anything what he did next was more ridiculous. He started talking to the moon.

“I don’t like girls,” he confessed with a trembling voice. He could feel the tears rolling down his face and falling down onto the window sill. Eddie had a strong feeling that he was the only gay person at his school, he felt like he was the only gay person in Derry. Thankful that school was over, that he only had one year left and then he’d be gone. But he still had one year, he could hide it or embrace it. He still hadn’t said that he was gay yet, he just stated that he doesn’t like girls. He needed to say it, he knew that. This was gonna be hard but the time has come, it’s time for him to step out of the closet. Although he wasn’t telling anyone except for himself and the moon, he was still coming out and saying it out loud for the first time. This was big, this was finally happening. For better or for worse, he didn’t know yet but it was happening either way. “I’m guh-gay.”

“And, I-I…I’m in love with my beh-best friend, Richie To-Tozier.” Eddie said while sobbing into his arms which were now crossed on the ledge of the window. He felt disgusting, he felt like he was a burden to this world. He knew that he wouldn’t be except for his differences, not that he really cared about how other people felt about him in the first place, but something about this situation he cared about. It was how Richie would feel, he knew Richie would except him no matter what. He felt like Richie would treat him differently however, but not in a good way. Eddie didn’t want to ruin his relationship with Richie, but he knew that him coming out would definitely do just that. If he told Richie he knew that Richie would find out that he liked him. Eddie had never liked anyone else in his life, he had never felt these feelings of butterflies and this warm feeling around anyone else besides Richie Tozier. Richie would be able to tell, he would look at Eddie and tell that he was in love. Eddie couldn’t let that happen, it would truly ruin him as a whole.

“He’s all I ever think about, everything he does just gets me. He is the perfect person I have dreamed about since I knew what love was. Nothing compares to him, the way he walks, talks, he makes me feel like I’m safe. But that scares me because, I can never have him. Why am I like this? Why am I this disgusting? Why do I like boys? Why do I like that boy? Why am I in love with my best friend? Why do I love Richie Tozier?” He hopelessly asked while grabbing his hair frustratingly while crying, he just cried that night. Admitting all of this made him feel better, but he felt like he shouldn’t feel better. He felt like he had “a sickness”, he felt like if he told his mother she’d put him on more sugar pills and tell him that they are ‘anti gay’ pills to help with his new “sickness”. He needed so much help right now, he couldn’t control his tears and his pleads for help that were coming out in the form of prayers. He Prayed that the world would turn in his favour, prayed that this wasn’t real, prayed that it was just ridiculous.

Eddie stopped his tears and stared at the moon, like it’d give him answers. He knew that what he was doing was ridiculous but he didn’t stop, he talked about Richie all night. Tears dried, and the boy was smiling once again. He smiled when he talked about Richie, about his features and how he made him feel. Although he was still felt disgusting about his feelings towards his friend he knew that the feelings were positive feelings and were meant to make him feel positive over negative. The feelings in general made him think of himself as disgusting but the how the feelings felt were different versus the idea of the feelings. He started blushing when he thought of kissing Richie, he could feel his cheeks getting warm even though he sat in the cold night air. He smiled down at the grass that laid below him realizing that that was his first time removing his eye contact from the moon of his window. He looked around his neighbourhood, all of the house lights were pitch black with the exception of a few. No one was outside to hear his confessions, no one except for the moon.

…

Chapter one what did y'all think? Tell me in the comments, if you didn’t know this fanfiction is highly inspired by Camila Cabello’s song ‘Only Told The Moon’ it’s an unreleased bOp, I recommend you listen to it. Well I hope you liked the first chapter and don’t forget to like, and vote on Wattpad (@/bitchintozier).