#top surger

writing book 2 and i felt like showing this part. it's still a draft, but i'm happy with how it sounds.

You can be nonbinary and not want surgery! There aren’t any “requirements” to be nonbinary. If you identify as nonbinary, you can be nonbinary! You are allowed (in fact, encouraged) to love your body. Including parts that are associated with agab.

Friend, you are not faking. It’s difficult to deal with disliking parts of your body, though. If you wanted some ideas to deal with the negative associations, you could check out this post. 

If you want to talk through how you feel, you could always talk to:

TrevorChat TrevorLifeline TrevorText    TrevorSpace     Sage    GenderSpectrum

TransLifeline

(Side note: This response is written by a nonbinary person who doesn’t want lower surgery.)

Left to right: Day before Top Surgery, Immediately post-op, 2 weeks post-op with and without nipple dressings. 

This whole process has been amazing, from the challenges of getting insurance to cover part of the costs, struggling to get a letter from my therapist, working out all the details of taking off work, finding and paying for somewhere to stay, and who would be able to come with me to support me during an incredibly intimate and vulnerable time. 

My family has been incredible, they weren’t always so supportive or understanding about what it means to be transgender and accepting that these steps of medical transition would make me more comfortable and whole instead of “damaging my body”. They’ve come a long way and I feel very fortunate to have their support. 

My girlfriend / better half / amazing partner ( @sexyspacecadet ) was absolutely wonderful, as she has always been. Her support and love means everything to me. Several people told me this would be a true test for our relationship. It wouldn’t be a pretty experience and if we could get through this we could get through anything. While she was certainly taking care of me,  we were able to support each other and it was great to work together through painful and awkward moments. 

Then there were my amazing friend(s) @frgreen who sent me the most thoughtful and perfect care package, and many others who sent well wishes and loving thoughts and words as I prepared for surgery and during my recovery. 

I had surgery with Dr. Scott Mosser @drscottmosser and his medical team in San Francisco. I’ve never felt so welcome and respected. As many trans people, I tend to feel a bit of anxiety when interacting with medical professionals, but this group was truly amazing. Not just the surgeon himself, but the entire staff were great. I didn’t feel uncomfortable or out of place for even a minute. I’m incredibly grateful for their caring and insightful approach to healthcare. 

I am a couple days away from 4 weeks post op.

My incisions and nipples are healing really well and the swelling in my left side is gone.

I still have some swelling in the right side though, it has gone down a lot since I got the dressings off, getting a little better each day, but it's still noticibley swollen. 

I try to think of my transition in steps - one obstacle to overcome, that can be broken down into manageable chunks.

For me, the three biggest steps, the three most important steps, were starting hormones, getting my name / gender changed, and having top surgery.

Now that my school has finalized my name and gender change, all that's left on that step is to call housing to confirm that I've got somewhere to stay and then my second step will be completed.

All that's left that I really truly want and feel I need to do, at least for a while anyway, is to figure out surgery.

I have to say that I feel a lot better knowing that two giant things are down and out of the way. I feel better being able to say I'm on hormones and moving closer to looking and feeling like who I want to be. I love that I have a proper ID and a new debit card and will be getting a new school ID in two months. I'm still nervous about having a male roommate; I truly hope to get someone I can get along with, but that's a fear no matter which gender your roommate is. I already know I'll be partially living at Ed House again. 

I am getting a bit frustrated with the whole surgery thing. I want, and need, to speak with my mom about figuring out how to finance this whole thing and deciding if I can go ahead and schedule a surgery for sometime soon, or if we need to wait until I have more money saved up. I've looked into payment plans and that sort of thing, and I think I could do it, but I'll certainly need to speak with my mom first. She's better at this stuff.

I know of a doctor nearby (20 minutes away) who a friend went to who I would like to go to for a consultation appointment. I originally went to the other one who was much further away because he supposedly would have been cheaper, but that doesn't look like it will be true. So I'd like to go to this other one and see if a surgery could be arrange.