#tiredbtw

Can we just fall in love again without bringing the past? I’ll forget the heartbreak and I’ll pretend the all the scars were there because I fell down the stairs if you forget all the mistakes I done, how I take this love for granted and all the poetry I’ve written that weren’t always kind. They were never kind. Not to you and not even to me. Let’s experience the things that makes us fall in love with each other again. Let’s saw each other face and smile instantly, how warm traveled all over me when I saw that light in your eyes. Let’s have those midnight phone calls and just skip sleep altogether. Tell me everything again like you never told me before. I’ll throw away the fears. I’ll throw away the “how many other girls he’s done this to”, the “I should reply this longer than he takes to reply”, the “I should talk to other boys so I don’t look so in love with him” Because time is running out. It keeps blowing strikes to me at heart. Each a reminder of how I let this go. How I let my soul learn how to get used to all these spaces between us. When all I ever wish was skin on skin. So let’s just fall in love again. Tenderly. Innocently. Quickly. Recklessly. Boldly. Bravely. Like we never hurt each other. Don’t mind the scars. We can save each other later. Let’s just fall in love again.

The thing is I thought I have choices but I don’t. You’ve always been the one with colors. I watch purple drenched in you and captived. So there’s a pool full of shark in front of me and I know I shouldn’t jump but the water happens to be in the same color as your shirt. I used to love the feeling red but now it’s overwhelming. Now it’s drowning. Now I’m losing parts of myself. [ Truth is crossing over the pool still won’t get me to you. Turn positive and say, at least you know how to swim now // but was it worth swapping the ability to live perfectly fine without him ] Back again, I am still drenched in red. Some part of me still try to bargain, say; it’s one color scheme far from purple. But what the use of it now? I am red and she is pink and he’s bathing himself in pink ink. [ Flashback: I can choose not to jump but I think the desire to be loved pushed me. It was a wrong move. I’m still learning how to swim. I’m still trying to get used to not being under water. Still trying to convince myself there’re still colors above the ground ]