#extrasad

goodbyes were never really your thing. so i’ll just pretend we had one and maybe i’ll sleep a little better at night. i watched eternal sunshine of the spotless mind and i just kept thinking how nice it would be to have you erased. i know that’s not the message of the film but god it’d be nice. so now you’ll sit and rot in my head. and i’ll try not to spend my summer thinking about you but you feel like a missing tooth. it was a summer of revelations but you weren’t around to hear them. i want to call you like the old days and tell you everything you’ve missed. but i don’t know you anymore and you don’t know me. so i’ll lay in my bathtub and try not to drown and i’ll keep telling myself “i know it’s for the better” but it wasn’t suppose to be this way was it? i wish you the best but please, if you ever wake up in the middle of night and think that you got it all wrong, please, don’t call me.

“You were my whole world, and I wasn’t fucking even in yours.”

You can spend the night, you know that, right?

i started wearing my seatbelt again

How do you live with a mother whose idea of love is burning down bridges and then burning the ashes? How do you live in her house, constantly awaiting her next episode, staring at your bedroom door and waiting for her to burst through it? You go days without eating because you're terrified to go downstairs and you hope that this will help you shrink small enough to fit into your childhood hiding spots - all the places she'd never think to look. You cut your wrists, hips, thighs, any parts of your unloved skin that you can reach in hopes it will slow your breathing down before she hears you panicking - she's already reminded you once today that there is no room for weakness in her house. You smell burning again and get ready to bid farewell to another bridge, another memory, another part of your relationship that you'll never see again. You're not as bothered as you should be because in all honesty, there wasn't really a relationship or a bridge to begin with.