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“Darling, I’ve been meaning to ask you this for a long time. How about a photograph of you? There is a spot on my dresser that my eye catches the first thing in the morning and the last thing at night and I can think of nothing I’d like better than to have your picture there —“
from Other People’s Love Letters, edited by Bill Shapiro
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Be kind to others until they give you a reason not to.
03/06/23, anastasiasyah
touch tank
do you have any of the answers? can you spare some fucking wisdom? // journal entry 001
Start off gentle. Obviously. Lips capturing lips. I want to take it slow. Swipe my tongue along your bottom lip so we’re on the same page. Explore your mouth, your tongue, the roof, your front teeth. Little nips every now and then. Getting reacquainted even though it feels like it’s been a day, not hundreds. Fingers through your hair, on your face, dragging down your arms, under your shirt to run my fingers over your back. Kiss up and down your jaw, your neck, your cheeks. And then build intensity.
You on top of me, one hand down my side, ribs, waist, hips, back up, reacquainting. One forearm holding you up so you don’t crush me - yet. Your mouth down my neck, to my collarbone, leaving little red marks along the way, then back up. I’m wrapping my legs around your waist as your tongue begins working its way down my throat, I’m pulling your full weight onto me, rocking against you, trying to get as close as fucking possible. I’m moaning softly because every. nerve. is on fire. Reacquainting. My hands are gripping your hair tighter and tighter, and you’re pulling me to you as I arch up so there isn’t a single centimeter of space between us.
And you’re just fucking kissing me. Tongues all over, hands running wild, bodies moving but somehow totally in sync.
“you asked me how I wanted you to kiss me. this is my answer.”
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but i have a lover and i have a best friend, i’m doing well and i hope u listen to this... u’ll always be on my list of all the good things that i miss.
if i could write the perfect love story this is how it would go.
you are the right person at the right time; meaning that there is no waiting or apologies for things that never should have happened in the first place. when we fall, we fall harder than a glass hitting the floor. except we do not shatter and there is no mess to clean up. you sweep me off my feet with your patience and your drive and i sweep you off yours with my kindness and my humor. we laugh for hours, over nothing and everything and we make inside jokes that we will tell our kids about in the future. when we kiss it is a cosmic event, the birth of a million universes just like this one. we write each other love poems and let our tears spill into our glasses of wine when we realize what a relief it is to have finally found each other. i hold your hand while i’m driving and you give me that look from the passenger seat, the one where your eyes turn into an ocean of love that i want so badly to dive into. i fall for you smile and how good it looks when i’m the reason behind it. i fall even harder for the way you turn my freckles on my face into a constellation that only you can touch. i can handle your wild singing and you can handle my constant sass. you playfully make fun of me for only wanting to use the small utensils, because the big ones just don’t fit in my mouth quite the same. Yet you still bring me a little spoon every time we eat. you never get annoyed by the amount that i clean and you remind me to be easy on myself on the days where doing so feels impossible. we make enough memories to fill a thousand books and when we’re old we will sit down together to write a novel about what it was like to fall so madly in love without ever falling apart.
You’re talking to strangers and acting like you’re more than okay. You smile from ear to ear when you feel the tears approaching. You don’t know how to let it out you so block out the entrance from the inside. You love making people laugh and laughing till your stomach hurts and your eyes water. You keep chasing rainbows. You’re sitting alone in your head letting the voices talk from your brain directly into your heart. You walk on razors and your feet have no feeling in them, it started from the top of your head and trickled down throughout your body. You can’t feel it anymore you can’t feel anything. You don’t remember what it felt like to feel something so you hold on to the things that make you feel anything. You attach yourself to whatever makes you feel something. Anything. Good or bad. You’ll take any of it because you’re desperate and trying to survive, ease the pain in whatever way you can. You say everything will be alright everything will be alright everything will be alright. If you say it enough it will be okay. If it isn’t okay you can pretend. Everything will be alright. You will be okay.
