#4marya

If i close my eyes hard enough, i am right back in August - right back with you. The air is thick with humidity and the time we spent away from each other. We smoke cigarettes in your front yard, a fire glowing against your skin, and the feeling of my heart pounding against mine. We are like two children when we get in bed, laughing at everything and wanting for nothing but each other's company. We drink far too much and go on a picnic where I am reminded of what it felt like to fall for you in the beginning. You tell me about the history here; we talk about our own.

When I was a little girl, my mum put a Winnie the Pooh nightlight on the landing for me just in case I got out of my bed during the night. It emitted the softest, most golden glow, like a star had been put inside it, and it helped me overcome my fear of the dark. I grew up - I forgot all about this nightlight - and then he left and I was reminded of just how terrifying the dark can be. When he loved me, I didn't need to be afraid of it - I didn't even need to be afraid of myself. Now I'm sleeping with a nightlight again instead of him because it's the only thing that can ward off the nightmares, the only thing that makes me feel safe enough to fall asleep.

i started wearing my seatbelt again

You know what it’s like when you don’t see someone for a long time. I could picture her face at first, with the elegance and grace that drove others wild with feelings of compassion and desire. The way she smiled even the thought could warm you in the coldest of nights. Her laughter echoed in you head causing such sweet rejoice. But as time pass her face begins deform and change as the memories begin to fade. I fear for that girl.