Hey guys, so if you didn't see my last post, I basically said that I was going to be a bit more absent for the time being because of personal reasons. I don't want to leave yall completely hanging so I thought I'd talk about one of the reasons why that is: my tics.
Before I really get into anything, just a disclaimer: I do have tics, however I have not been diagnosed with any kind of tic disorder like tourettes or anything like that for reasons I will get into later. These are just my experiences.
So I guess I should just kind of give some background about my history with tics and then I'll get into why they are a reason for me being more absent.
I originally started having tics when I was 13. They weren't that bad for a while, just the occasional head turn or whistle and they mostly only happened when I was anxious or overwhelmed. After a couple months, they got pretty bad and started to interfere with me just living my life. I started having bad tic attacks and a lot more violent tics. However, all of the tics were completely gone by like, seven months after they had started. I didn't have another tic for a long time after that, which I why I wasn't diagnosed with a tic disorder. In the dsm-5, it says that your tics have to have lasted for at least a year in order to be diagnosed. Mine haven't lasted a consecutive year, meaning that I am not able to get diagnosed with anything quite yet.
A few months ago, my tics started back up, just out of nowhere. Again, at first they weren't that bad, but they've gotten worse over time. And now they are worse than they have ever been before. Instead of the occasional head turn or whistle, it's now almost constant unless I am extremely focused or calm. My tic attacks have gotten a lot more violent and they happen a lot more frequently now.
Recently, I have developed a few tics that are really painful, exhausting and annoying. First off, "who, me?". I pick up tics pretty easily, so when I was scrolling on tik tok and saw a video of evie meg having a tic attack with the verbal tic "who, me?", I picked it up. This one is probably the least painful, but it is extremely annoying and happens very often.
A second tic that I have picked up is my freeze tic. I picked this up from another tik tokker (I can't remember their name at the moment) and it is pretty bad. Basically what happens is my entire body freezes for anywhere from around 5-30 seconds. This is an extremely painful and dangerous tic, because during the tic, I am not able to breathe or blink. I am legitimately frozen completely in place.
This last one is probably the worst out of them all and my least favorite tic I've ever had. Collapsing. Basically what happens is I will just be standing up and all of a sudden my knees and ankles buckle and I collapse to the ground. There are a few reasons I hate this tic: 1. It is extremely painful and annoying. When this tic happens once, chances are its gonna happen at least two or three more times in a row. And having your joints buckle and hitting the ground that many times is pretty painful. 2. I can't feel it coming. There is absolutely no warning. It just happens. With most of my tics, I can feel them coming a few seconds beforehand, which is how I'm able to suppress certain tics to an extent. However, I don't feel this one coming. One second I'm standing up fine and the next I'm on the ground in pain. I don't feel it until it is actually happening. 3. People get very alarmed by it. People who know I have this tic don't really mind it anymore, they just help me up and make me sit down to keep me from collapsing. However, people who don't know about it get very alarmed and scared that something is wrong with me, to which I have to reassure them that I am fine, I just have a weird brain.
All of these tics have been getting in the way a lot. I haven't really been able to post much lately bc I am just too exhausted from these tics, or bc the tics are happening while I'm trying to post and it's not working well for me.
I hope this makes sense and you all understand that I want to be here and I want to continue posting, it can just get really hard to. If you have tics I'd love to hear your stories and maybe some coping mechanisms. I'd also be up to answering some questions about tics (again, disclaimer, I have not been diagnosed with anything and I am not an expert on anything but my own experiences). Feel free to drop anything like that in the notes. Love yall ❤🧡💛💚💙💜
