#thorxbruce

This was gonna stay unpublished but a friend told me I should so here’s an ugly test :(

Bruce: Okayyyyy... so what seems to be the issue Thor?

Thor: Everytime I look in the mirror, I see nothing, just dark, blank nothingness!

request?: nope, this is all me

titled: the problem with cooking (bruce banner x thor odinson)

warnings: salty language, angst that starts off fluffy, but ends nicely!

...

Thor lets out a long, loud groan, “This is delicious, love.” He praises, mouth full of spaghetti.

His husband smiles a bit shyly, “Yeah? Sorry it’s so late, I just didn’t want us to eat takeout again.”

When Bruce walked through the front door, he was entirely flustered and tired from work, but he still managed to make food for the two of them. They’re sitting at the dinner table now, Thor at one head of the table with Bruce across from him in a chair that was custom made to fit his new, large form.

The blonde man nods enthusiastically, eyes wide in agreement as a piece of noodle slips from his mouth, “‘ay ‘etter “han takeot.”

A giggle reaches Bruce’s green lips, reaching to pull a piece of paper towel off before outstretching it to the messy man.

He takes it gratefully, wiping his mouth before clearing his throat and smiling, “Maybe I can cook something for you.”

Bruce blinks slowly, then furrows his eyebrows.

“What?” Thor questions, smile slowly faltering.

“Nothing.” He rushes, shaking the strange look off of his face. “I just don’t think-“

“It’ll be good?”

Bruce rolls his eyes, “Baby, I’m not saying that, you’ve just never done it before. Maybe I can show you how to-“

“Tomorrow night I shall prepare a romantic dinner for the two of us, no assistance needed.” Thor announces proudly, grin back on his face and in full force.

“Okay.” Bruce shrugs his broad shoulders, an amused smile peeking through. “If you’re sure-?”

The worried confirmation is cut off by soft lips being pressed against those of their speaker. When they pull away, Thor is smiling at him. “Trust me, my love.”

…

Times like this are when Thor finds himself extremely grateful for the Internet. As soon as he woke up, he looked up the recipe for mozzarella sticks (Bruce’s favorite bar food) and spent most of the morning shopping for the ingredients.

They’re easy enough to find, and when he gets home, he almost immediately starts cooking. He has everything planned and timed so that when Bruce gets home from teaching, everything will be finished and candles will be lit.

Now, that time is almost here. He lays a piece of the breaded cheese into the pan full of oil, it sizzles and pops immediately. A satisfied smile spreads across his face, as he watches the pan carefully, making sure to poke at it with a fork a few times before he flips it over.

He chuckles to himself, Bruce really thought he couldn’t do this?

Despite the fact that he’s never had to cook for himself or anyone in his life, he’d say he’s doing pretty well.

Look at him, he has the dipping sauce he made chilling inside the fridge, and now he’s making the mozzarella sticks? On his own?

His husband has nothing to worry about, this is evidence that Thor is completely capable of making food and therefore, taking care of himself when Bruce isn’t home.

It’s sad that his skills were ever doubted.

The unmistakable sound of the front door being unlocked pulls him out of his good mood, along with shuffling and keys being placed in a bowl. “Thor?” A deep voice calls out from the living room.

“Shit,” The blonde man mumbles, “What are you doing home?” He yells back, wiping his hands on a dish towel. When he’s done, he rushes over and halts Bruce’s attempt to enter the kitchen.

The brown haired man blinks, looking up at his husband with amused eyes and red cheeks from the cold, “Hello to you too.”

“Sorry,” Thor groans, crinkling his nose, “I just, don’t want you to see what I’m making yet. It’s not finished.”

“Don’t be sorry, I gave the kids a break and ended the day early. Should’ve given you a warning.” Bruce bends his neck to kiss his nose, and the wrinkle smoothes away. He smiles, “Whatever it is, smells delicious.”

Thor returns the smile, tilting his head a bit. “You know what else smells delicious?”

The man’s bushy eyebrows shoot to the top of his head, “What?”

His husband doesn’t answer, instead standing on the tips of his toes to kiss the surprised look right off of his face. Their lips move together in a comfortable sync, tongues returning to their place together and making Thor’s skin grow hot.

“I missed you.” Bruce huffs out when they part, foreheads pressed together and voice almost in a whine when he says, “College kids are the worst.”

“Aye,” Thor wraps his arms around his husband’s neck and pulls him closer, “But if anyone can handle them, it’s you.” The man’s body melts into the hug, returning it tightly. The blonde wont ever admit it, but he loves being smaller than his love. At first it took some time to get used too, but eventually he cherished the idea of being Bruce’s little spoon.

Bruce hums, enjoying the feeling of his husband in his arms. Then, after a moment, “Did you turn the heater on?”

Thor shakes his head, “No. It’s probably just warm in here because I’m-” His eyes go wide, “My mozzarella sticks!”

In an instant, he pulls away from the hug and shoots back into the kitchen, only to find the pan containing his mozzarella sticks raging with flames.

“Fuck!”

He picks up the handle and drops it once his hand burns, “Fuck!”

“Oh my god.” Bruce exclaims, entering the kitchen with wide eyes. He runs out, returning a moment later with their dusty fire extinguisher. Thor steps back while his husband hastily shoots white foam over the burning flames.

The two of them breathe heavily, Bruce still holding the red extinguisher while Thor holds his hand containing the burn. “You okay?” Bruce pants, looking over his shoulder.

Thor currently has the biggest frown on his face, looking sad and defeated as he stares at the foam all over his kitchen and his attempted dinner. “My mozzarella sticks.”

Bruce sighs, “It’s okay, we can just order some-“

“No.” Thor leans against the fridge as he sinks into himself even more. “I don’t want to order anything, I was supposed to cook for you, and we were gonna drink beer and laugh and-” He stops to sigh.

The brunette man sets the fire extinguisher down on the kitchen floor, “Baby, it doesn’t matter. At least you tried, and even though you screwed up, no one does cooking right on their first try, it’s just not possible. Everyone messes up, everyone-“

“Starts fires?”

“Well…”

Thor groans again, letting his body slide against the fridge to the floor.

“What’s going on?”

The blonde shrugs his shoulders, avoiding the knowing eyes of his husband. The man looks so worried for Thor, and the idea of it almost makes him sick. “You’re doing so well.” He mumbles, barely audible. “After everything, you’re just doing so well. And I’m-“ Thor let's out a laugh, “I’m not!”

Bruce sits next to him on the floor, but doesn’t say anything. Only turns his head, encouraging for Thor to keep going.

“I’ve tried to pretend that this is all easy for me, but you can tell that it’s not. And you- you take days off of work to spend time with me! You cuddle me and we watch movies and you watch me to make sure I’m okay, and I hate it!” God, Bruce has spent his entire life being worried. Worried about his mother, worried about what his father will do to him and his mother, worried about the Hulk, worried about military leaders who are hunting him, and worried about war.

Thor doesn’t want to be another worry.

Bruce found his place at NYU teaching young adults about gamma radiation, because that’s what he loves to do. Thor doesn’t fight anymore, he’s retired his weapons to their basement and he spends most of his time catching up on pop culture and listening to music (he loves Adele). And, he’s happy, because he’s with the love of his life, and he doesn’t have to kill anyone again, and he has time to enjoy simple things like shows on Broadway and Jamba Juice.

But he’s also sad, because people on the street don’t look at him the same way, so he doesn’t leave the house. The world loves Professor Hulk, which is why he’s always out in it, but no one loves chubby Thor. He’s sad because Bruce is a genius with an amazing job that he adores, and all Thor adores is watching TV. He’s sad because even though they caused him stress, he misses the fights. He misses having a purporse, and having someone need him like they did before.

On top of it all, he’s sad because Bruce knows that he’s sad and is trying to fix it. For the first time in Bruce’s life things are perfect, he can be himself in public and he’s not consumed by his rage, and he doesn't have to destroy things anymore because he’s made this wonderful life for himself.

Thor doesn’t want to unravel this just because he feels needy.

The man already looks at him so concerned and touches him so gently like he’s afraid that Thor will run away.

So maybe Thor thought, that if he could just cook for Bruce, that’d prove he’s capable of doing things, that he won’t break down without him around. And maybe his husband would feel better about everything.

Maybe he’d never have to be worried again.

It’s silent for a long while, then Bruce blinks, “You really think I’m okay just because I go to work and cook dinner sometimes?”

Thor doesn’t say anything.

“Baby, I’m-” He chuckles, “I’m a mess too. It’s been over a year, but it still feels like yesterday when every cell in my body felt like it was being burned up. I wake up in the middle of the night with these terrible nightmares, but you always help me back to sleep.

“Yes, sometimes I worry about you, but I’m always gonna be worried about you. I care about you, Thor, more than anything, you’re the only person I have. When I take those days off, they aren’t just for you, sometimes I just want to cuddle and watch movies and look at you, because I can.” Bruce takes his hand, “I love you, alright?”

Thor swallows the anxiety that had been festering in his stomach and smiles, “Alright.”

Exhibit A:

In this post. It seem that Wade Wilson, alternatively known as Deadpool, is asking for Peter Parker, the superhero, spiderman, to stop squirming as they are tied up together, or else Deadpool will make use of his genitals, which he calls his katana.

Exhibit B:

In this photo, we see that Deadpool is asking Spiderman to kiss him and to do a deed called "fanservice" in the form of giving content to be used for yaoi, an art form of drawing homosexual intimacy. Spiderman declines but Deadpool keeps trying.

Exhibit C:

This is a screenshot of actor Chris Hemsworth at work taking on the role of Thor. Taika, the person featured on the left, seems to be wearing an ensemble meant to represent The Hulk for it to be easier to use cgi in movie editing. But it seems that Thor is kissing the ensemble, meaning that Thor is kissing The Hulk.

This is what I have gathered from our evidence so far, so if I find any more to support the idea that Marvel, is in fact, NOT heterosexual, I will update.