#thisisold

No one checks up on me, why is it that this has never changed?

I do the checking, the counseling, the making you feel better.

But I make myself feel better, I have to. No one will care for me, other than myself, maybe him too..

He's the only one who does not mistreat me...anymore.

I'm starving and tired, I'm basically dead, but no one notices, and no one cares.

I could vanish and no one would notice except for maybe a few people.

1. My love, because he's the only who actually cares. He'd come looking for me, I know it in my soul.

2. My boss, because I would have to quit, or throw my phone out of a plane for her not to get ahold of me.

3. My roommate, because she cannot pay the bills herself, and who would be there to help her?

4. And anyone else who only likes me or misses me when it's convenient.

It's really funny, because all the people who give me shit for not "making an effort" are also the ones who think I lie about being overworked, and are also the ones who don't make any effort to contact me either. They were the ones who would bully me for fun and games, and also "smack me with the truth bc I needed it". Like no bitch I just needed someone to fuckin listen.

I wish people understood that love isn’t just a word or a simple one-sided notion. Many people can’t comprehend the love that they give and receive because they don’t know who they are, what they deserve or what others deserve.

I am in love with someone who doesn’t understand love. She doesn’t know what it means to simply give herself to me in ways she wouldn’t others. She never understood that. She doesn’t know what i need. Sometimes it seems like she knows me in ways i don’t know myself and it’s tempting but never promising. I wish she understood because maybe she would love me back, love me the way i should be loved.

I don’t assume many people read these but i have a feeling i am going to get in trouble for saying this...

I have a really big problem with people who glorify obesity. I get it. feel beautiful in your body and love yourself for who you are. and that is fair and necessary.  but if you are consistently filling your body with filth and trash and not giving a damn about taking care of yourself then saying “big is beautiful” there is a huge difference in that. I am not saying you need a six pack or to weigh 100lbs. Just be healthy. Give your body a chance to do extraordinary things. i know we are all made up very differently. but you have ONE body. you can jus spend your life sitting on your ass eating fattening sugary foods. its extremely selfish. 1. to your body. our higher powers gave us these extremely radiant portals for our souls to allow us to do so many amazing things and you are wasting it by letting yourself go and by deteriorating your portals potential. we are given one life to be are best selves and you are treating it like dirt. 2. the people around you. not taking care of yourself usually requires those around you to have to pick up the pieces later in life and carry your short comings. which is fine if you cant control it happening to you. but taking care of yourself is 100% in your control. just take care of your bawwwwdy people. your health is so important stop filling your portal with chemically induced processed foods. this earth was placed hear with everything we needed naturally...

i made this in like november in 2016 for @aaa-its-spook and its been a hecking long time not really