#theme tune

11: Enterprise

“It’s been a long road…” are five words that launched a lot of strong feelings — and rightly so. The jarring mismatch between everything about this song and everything Enterprise was about relegates this theme to the bottom of the heap. The opening graphics are spot-on for the show’s premise — but I never got to watch them because I needed to skip the music, and that makes me madder.

If you want to know what could have been, search YouTube for “Star Trek: Enterprise Opening Credits with Archer’s Theme”. That music is perfect for the show: slow, dramatic, building up for the big reveal. Then finish weeping / gnashing your teeth and come back here.

This theme also meant that we can never have a Star Trek theme with words again, ever, because we have been all primed to hate such things because of Enterprise — and that’s sad.

Imagine if we’d had a good theme with words that we could all sing at appropriate and inappropriate occasions.

10: The Animated Series

You’d forgotten about this series, hadn’t you? I will confess I haven’t watched any episodes (unlike the other ST series), but that doesn’t me having an opinion about the theme music. The jaunty theme music. The theme music that speaks of hijinks and hilarious consequences. The theme with super precise drumming — the perfect accompaniment as we join our hero sipping a cocktail in his usual bar by the beach.

Wait, this show is about space exploration?

9: Discovery

Open with Those Four Notes (good), wistful hunting call horns (good), build up to a climax (good), and then… umm…

What follows musically reminds me of Fringe (a great show that also involved Alex Kurtzman and Robert Orci as creators). Fringe was a show about the discovery of new scientific things (and the consequences thereof)— but Discovery is not. The stories of Discovery revolve around battling against various things. The main theme (minimalist repeated eighth note patterns with a slow-moving melody) simply doesn’t speak to premise of the show. It ends with the ascending “Star Trek motif”, but it just feels like something bolted on to end things.

This is a theme based on the title, not on the events in the show.

8: The Original Series

I’m going to get some flak for this, but I don’t care. Yes, The Original Series is sacred. Yes, this theme gave us Those Four Notes right at the start. Yes, it gave us the classic opening words. Yes, we must remember TV was different back then when judging TOS. But I’m ranking the music, and so that’s all that matters.

This is a show about exploring strange new worlds and going boldly. The music is not that. The music is about going somewhere on holiday in your 1960s convertible, or possibly going home from work for the weekly comedic capers. It’s not going boldly anywhere, it’s not exploring new worlds, and that’s final.

… I am going to get so much flak for this.

7: Picard

This is a theme unlike any other, but this a series unlike other, so that’s OK. The wistful main melody on solo cello works for the show and its premise. The theme then gets musically developed by other instruments in a musically satisfyingly way.

However, two-thirds (!) of the title graphics are consumed by the 137 producers, supervising producers, co-executive producers, executive producers, and producing producers — and it feels the music had to be extended by a good 30 seconds to cover them all. Like Discovery, it ends with ends with the ascending “Star Trek motif”, but it (just about) feels musically connected to what came before.

Overall, I am left with a very neutral opinion. There’s nothing that bad about this music, but nothing that makes it stand out.

It’s boringly OK.

6: Strange New Worlds

After the classic opening words, the dramatic bass line/repetitive strings/drums kick in, the music builds, everything’s set up for the main melody…. and what’s that? Well, you can’t hear that melody because the orchestration that gives it insufficient body, and the sound mix gives the accompanying dramatic bass line/repetitive strings/drums far too much prominence.

The overall structure is good — repeat the main melody with some extra oomph, transition to the B melody, build to a climax with some block chords, then bring every down nicely with the hunting horn call. It ticks all the boxes on (manuscript) paper — but the orchestration and mix just means I can’t enjoy it properly.

Give the melody some more body, turn the volume down on the rhythm section, and this theme would jump up a lot of places.

5: Deep Space 9

DS9 isn’t about going boldly anywhere, but it is still about dealing with dramatic, important things. The music has a stately beauty that reflects both those things. The opening lonely horn illustrates the emptiness of space, before being joined by more horns to build drama. Then the main melody kicks in over a minimal accompaniment, raising the hairs on the back of my neck. There’s a pedal note that sustains through most of the opening — so that when the bass finally moves, it makes for a dramatic conclusion.

Later seasons brought a new version that tried to punch up the excitement a notch by increasing the speed of the main melody and adding some more texture to the accompaniment — but at the cost of the stately beauty that is this theme’s best feature. Let’s ignore it.

The title sequence is about 30 seconds too long, which means the beauty has faded somewhat by the end. (Yes, the opening for Strange New Worlds is a similar length, but the music doesn’t kick in until after 30+ seconds).

Overall, a solid piece of music that aligns well with the show’s premise.

4: Lower Decks

Lower Decks is a show that is both 100% serious and 100% affectionate parody. It does everything any other Star Trek TV series does, while turning it up 11 in order to skewer those things. Musically, that’s a tough premise for a theme tune.

So what happens? We open with Those Four Notes, followed by hunting horn calls, then a dramatic main theme on trumpet that’s repeated on all the strings — followed by gear-changing chords into the real main theme. A theme that gets a full-bore orchestra with a melody on brass that descends like someone resigned to not doing first contact (no hopeful ascending motifs here!). Then a solid build-up brings it to a satisfying conclusion.

Like the show, this theme works both seriously and as affectionate parody.

3: Voyager

The show has a tension between “let’s get home as soon as possible” and “ooh, new alien planet to explore” — and the music reflects that.

The theme opens with muted trumpets on a lonely motif (plus timpani) at the start to bring a sense of the dramatic, but without wanting to shout too loudly about it in this unknown part of the galaxy. The main theme on the horns is repeated with added texture and followed by a B melody on strings. Both bring a sense of the long journey ahead, with an ebb and flow throughout.

A slow build-up is then followed by a gentle climb back down — then a rapid (and musically seamless) build up to an emphatic restatement of the opening motif, ringing out to remind us this isn’t just about skulking back to Earth.

Voyager may be headed for home, but it’s still boldly going new places.

2: The Next Generation

Whatever you feel about Star Trek: The Motion Picture, we can all thank it for this music. TNG opens with Those Four Notes on something ethereal, followed by the best delivery of the classic opening words (sorry Anson Mount!) with a hunting call on horns underneath—then we’re into music about exploring strange new worlds and going boldly. It’s going on an adventure — journeying to places unknown to find things unknown.

Structurally, it’s simpler than other themes: after the main melody on brass, we get the string-heavy B melody twice, then back to a shortened version of the main melody to end. However, the post-words music only takes up half the opening, and those two melodies have enough going on to sustain our interest.

You’re left excited about what’s going to happen this week— because we’re exploring, damnit.

1: Prodigy

Four chords build tension, launching into drums+ostinato that tell you right away that exciting things will be Going Down.

Dramatic trombone and bells set up a musical cadence that gets resolved into the start of the heart-stirring main melody soaring out on horns clearly over the accompaniment (take note, SNW). The main melody repeats with added trumpets, and transitions into the drum-less B melody on lush strings that tells you it’s also about the journey. Then bridge into a repeat with everything turned up a notch.

Things get a little chaotic for a moment (what else do you expect with this crew?), but it’s OK, because we’re back to those dramatic trombone and bells (plus friends) to bookend things and lead us into a final resolution… that leaves just enough going on afterwards to accompany Those Four Notes, as though that was the plan all along. Then spike the ending so there’s no doubt we’re done.