#system accountability

you need collective boundaries that everyone in sys knows and follows on how to deal with these situations and how to avoid them too. if someone in sys doesn’t like a collective friend, or a specific sysmember’s friend, you need to communicate that with that friend and between sys members so conflict doesn’t arise. say “x doesn’t like you very much but i still want to be friends, lets just talk when im fronting and x wont talk to you at all when their fronting.”

if someone in sys says something rude or shitty to another members friend its not about taking accountability and saying sorry like you did it, but you should say “x doesn’t speak for me (or the sys as a whole) and what they said to you was not cool, is there anything i can do to make you feel better?”

If your body does something illegal and gets arrested, you cant say "Twas my alter, I'm innocent"

Because you're the same body that commited the crime, you still have the consequences

you're the same brain that hurt that person

you're the same brain that did that manipulative thing

You're the same brain that caused hurt

If "your alter" did that, so did you. If that makes you a horrible person, fucking deal with it and welcome to the club. I used to be a pretty shitty person but ive progessed and improved SO much over the past years. Grow up and stop blaming everything on your evil alter. Not just they are a "bad person", you are too. And thats okay. We all live and grow. But you cant do that while actively in denial.

This EXCLUDES people who merely prefer to see themselves as individuals. I am not talking about you.

no you didnt say anything mean, and i dont think you should have to say sorry like you did but you should still reasure your friend or whoever that you personally dont stand by the mean things that were said and that your sorry someone said those things to them because thats just a kind caring thing to do.

i also think its important to realize not every person in your system is going to like everyone in your life. an alter may really hate one of the collectives or another alters friends and sometimes you do have to middle man to find a solution to how to go about dealing with this irl relationship with that alter is fronting. and i think thats the best way to take accountability, come up with a solution as a collective to avoid the situation happening again. you dont have to be sorry about saying something mean when it wasn’t you who said the mean thing, but if you or the collective really do care about maintaining the relationship with whoever is upset with you you DO have to do something to keep that relationship healthy. even if thats just reassuring that person that whoever said the mean thing doesn’t speak for the collective as a whole and you personally dont feel the way they do and wouldn’t say something like that to them, and then trying to find a solution to avoid conflict between the other alter and this person in the future.

i just think there does have to be some kind of “accountability” at least in the sense of showing compassion and kindness, without completely ignoring the fact that you really didnt say/do the thing that caused conflict, and it ultimately isn’t your responsibility to make amends on behalf of someone else. but again you do have to realize if you want to continue having a relationship with someone outside of the collective you do have to be the middle man and find a way to work things out between your friend (or whoever) was hurt and between the alter in your system who may have done something wrong. even if you come to the conclusion that that alter just wont interact with your friend because they just dont get along. thats a valid way to deal with a situation as long as everyone is on board with it.

sorry if this is vague lol not sure how to word it