I’ve been there twice. TWICE. They are refusing to see that there’s an issue, only because of my anxiety. They’ve treated me like complete shit. I don’t have anyone for support, I am all on my own. Being disabled, chronically ill, currently VERY sick with a bad infection that even the strongest pain killer won’t help and in the middle of a panic attack because your dentist completely screwed you over and gave you cellulitis is so fucking stressful.

Darlings, we have to come together and fight to be seen, heard, and taken care of. This is absolutely unacceptable. My insurance is taking CENTURIES to approval a 2nd CT scan. And again, the ER was a complete joke. I can’t afford this. I make $0.00 a year, because even though I have a spinal disability, a leaking heart valve, very weakened immune system, a deformed left hip that has greatly affected my ability to walk, POTS, & severe GI issues, I do not qualify for disability. I spend every single day bawling in pain with no sleep. The stress of being ill and contracting cellulitis , which is SEVERELY painful , has greatly taken a toll on my body. I’ve been on several different medications, nothing and I mean nothing is helping me. And the fun part - one of my meds gave me a stomach ulcer. So now my stomach, which already has extreme issues, is in severe pain too.

He didn’t have anyone. So I pushed myself for six days, knowing that it would make me bed bound for at least a few weeks afterwards.

I don’t regret it because what is 2-3 weeks of a crash, in comparison to someone’s actual life. There’s no takesie backsies on that. There’s no respawn option IRL.

It’s just… ppl ask me how I can do what I did the past six days and have ME/CFS… they don’t see what happens afterwards. They don’t understand PEM (post-exertional malaise) and that it is often delayed by hours, days, etc. And when it hits, you’re stuck in bed, with the most debilitating fatigue, pain, vertigo, nausea, inability to talk, visual issues, migraines and so much more. Sometimes I can’t even speak.

I mean, that’s what the method of pacing is for. By doing less, I can do more? And the past six days, I had to push past my pacing, and now I will pay the price.

But my loved ones don’t see me behind closed doors. They don’t see what it looks like. I just become invisible within my blankets.

It’s so hard to explain to those who don’t experience it. And I understand that it is difficult to fully grasp from the outside, unless you’re living with me and see me everyday.

I don’t know. I just needed to vent.

I don’t regret the past 6 days. I knew I’d pay for it. And it was for a good reason.

I can do things sometimes. But there’s always price.

-Your d*ck