#spn rant

the deal was about jack and yet there’s never any centering on him or how he’s affected by it + the burden of keeping it secret. does he feel guilty that cas is doomed for his sake? does he regret never telling the guys? what about jacks ending? nobody thought that, maybe, jack ultimately deciding to leave for no real reason just might have something to do with the fact that yet another important person to the Winchesters has died because of him (after he’s already spent s15 feeling like he doesn’t belong with them and shouldn’t have come back but nobody paid attention to that either).

or game night. mary literally says the whole thing is about him — and it is; it’s nick and lucifer working to get his blood to bring back his father, putting his friends and family in danger in their plan, referring to him as their collective son the whole time and implying that he’s a lot more like his father than he’d ever let on (which he is, it kicks off the small handful of episodes actually centered around jack as his own person — but somehow the focus is anywhere else but on him. like him torturing nick for no other reason than wanting to make him suffer is barely an afterthought, treated more as “yay he killed the bad guy” and none of the personal implications (or even the point behind Mary’s concern) are ever seen or talked about.

I watched it yesterday night and it keeps replaying in my head

For a refresh , Dean's having a nightmare of being trapped under the ocean in a box to contain Micheal and himself.

He looks so afraid , I genuinely don't think I've ever seen Dean this openly terrified through the whole show, likely because he's not performing his big, tough persona he usually does.

What's really getting me with this scene though , is not just how afraid he is , but how , in this fear , the only person dean crys out for , screams out for in the darkness and into the void is his baby brother sammy. It actually shatters my heart because there are more people he could easily call out for who he trusts and cares for. Cas for example is one that comes to mind , but no , even now with a bigger family than he had in the past , with his mum back who he should likely feel most protected by , it's still always Sam he calls out for.

I really love this detail as it's something that's pretty consistent in the show. Despite Dean being the older brother and protector of sammy , he still feels the most safe , most content, and most protected around his brother.

I think people forget Sam protects Dean as well as Dean protecting Sam. They've both got each other's backs , to a point it's very unhealthy , and they both know that. They know they would go to hell and back for the other, which is why, even with Dean being the older of the pair, he still finds safety in him.

Another thing I want to point out in season 14 is something i noticed to do with Sammy in episode 15, where Sam is Justin. As Cas holds Sam off from stabbing him with the angel blade , he starts telling Sam he can't give up on himself , as that would be giving up on everyone else too in relation to his grief . He starts mentioning people that he would be giving up on and while everyone else ofc gives a reaction, Dean's name is the thing that makes his stop and snap out of it almost instantly.

I think cas most certainly knew Dean would most likely be the one to snap him out of it, as it's the final card he plays on him when it seems like he's not going to drop the angel blade. He was right as well LOL, and it worked.

They are brothers , best friends , protectors of each other and just care for each other to an extreme length it makes my heart hurt I adore them sm.