#sometimesjoy

I just realized that she's lying on my heating pad and it's on. 😅 . #Arya #morkiearya #morkie #morkiesofinstagram #morkiesofig #yorkie #yorkiesofinstagram #yorkiesofig #morkielove #morkielife #yorkielove #yorkielife #storm2017 #heatingpad #babyitscoldoutside #sometimesjoy

🍓☕Valentine crepes with Caety in February 2012 at our favorite mother-daughter breakfast spot, #lititzfamilycupboard. How grateful I am for all the precious times we shared together; we had become such good friends. 💗 Just nine months after this picture was taken, family and friends gathered here with broken hearts for a luncheon following Caety's funeral service. 💔 Caety, thank you for being my daughter and friend. We had so many great moments together, didn't we? Happy Valentine's Day, honey. I love you so much. 💖💖💖 . #Caety #valentinesday #valentine #valentinebreakfast #breakfast #Lititz #lancastercounty #crepes #daughter #motherdaughterlove #motherhood #grievingmom #grievingmother #lossofadaughter #lossofachild #childloss #cysticfibrosisawareness #cureCF #cfirl #cflife #livingwithloss #copingwithloss #grief #love #sometimesjoy (at Lititz Family Cupboard Restaurant & Buffet)

Even though I was having a #frozenwithAnger day today, I put on my writing shirt 👕 just in case I somehow found enough peace to write. Then I took an Ativan, which I rarely do, and it helped calm and melt me so I could function better. I was able to actually do some important things, like making progress on journaling about my grief and progress toward finally getting a monument for my daughter's grave. 🌻 . This month I am doing #writerslifeigfeb (created by @madetowrite) to help me focus better on writing and to connect with the IG #writingcommunity. Today we're supposed to post our writing goals. My goal is to keep trying to journal about Caety's last days on earth, and hopefully to finish that labor of love by her birthday, June 7. 💜 . #lifeisgood shirt from @lifeisgoodco . #grief #griefwriting #memoir #journaling #writing #writersofinstagram #amwriting #tryingtowrite #writerslife #writinglife #Caety #cysticfibrosisawareness #childloss #lossofachild #livingwithloss #copingwithloss #sometimesjoy

"To have been loved so deeply, even though the person who loved us is gone, will give us some protection forever." ~ J.K. Rowling . 💜 One of my favorite pictures of Caety and me 💜 . #Caety #motherdaughter #motherhood #motherdaughterlove #familylove #grievingmother #grievingmom #mamagrief #grief #grieving #childloss #lossofadaughter #lossofachild #livingwithloss #copingwithloss #cysticfibrosis #cysticfibrosisawareness #cureCF #jkrowling #jkrowlingquotes #harrypotter #harrypotterquotes #preciousmemories #missyouCaety 💗 #seeyousoon #sometimesjoy

A gift from my son years ago, these words on my bedside table are even more important and meaningful to me since losing Caety. . #Caety #hope #love #familylove #grief #grieving #grievingmother #mamagrief #lossofachild #childloss #heavenishome #isheavenreal #istherelifeafterdeath #spirituality #livingwithloss #copingwithloss #faith #agnosticism #motherhood #cysticfibrosis #cureCF #fairy #fairies #pewter #bedsidetable #sometimesjoy

That thing Facebook does, where they remind you of previous posts you shared "on this day," is often bittersweet for those of us who have lost a child or other loved one. This post was from when I used to write on #bubblews. I wrote a lot about grieving Caety on that site. Too bad they shut it down, but thankfully I had copies of most of what I had written there. . #Caety #grief #grieving #grievingmother #grievingmom #lossofadaughter #lossofachild #childrengonetoosoon #childloss #mamagrief #parenting #motherhood #writing #amwriting #memoir #writersofinstagram #writingcommunity #cysticfibrosis #cysticfibrosisawareness #cureCF #livingwithloss #copingwithloss #sometimesjoy

Little Arya looking out the window. I'm grateful she's here to greet me enthusiastically every time I come home. I had an interesting conversation with my therapist today about how everything seems so hard for me - writing, working, general functioning in life, even posting on Instagram! It's all extremely challenging and exhausting for me. First step: acceptance. Accept that everything is hard for me. . #acceptance #therapy #psychology #mentalhealth #lifeishard #grief #grievingmother #childloss #livingwithloss #copingwithloss #writing #courage #perseverance #selfcompassion #yorkie #morkie #Arya #morkiesofinstagram #dogs #dogstagram #sometimesjoy

🌑 For awhile now I have been full of doubt far beyond "the dark night of the soul." (I say "full," but it feels more like emptiness than fullness.) I don't talk about it much because I don't want to upset people. I also don't talk much about Caety to people who don't already know I have a daughter who died. It's hard to tell new people in my life. So my co-worker Alicia, whom I've worked with since last April, knew nothing of Caety nor my loss of faith. She also didn't know that I have been wondering about the synchronicity of "signs from heaven" - butterflies, rainbows, cardinals, etc. - that suddenly appear and give great comfort to other grieving mothers. I am skeptical but somewhat open, and envious of the comfort they feel. . So when I opened this Christmas gift (pictured) from Alicia, I cried. I couldn't help myself, I started crying right there in the baby room at work. Seeing Alicia's wide concerned eyes, I quickly poured out words about Caety and cardinals and God and grief . . . and gratitude to her for this remarkable gift. "And you didn't even know about any of that!" I said. She smiled and said in her strong Costa Rican accent, "No, but God did." 🌈 . #Caety #synchronicity #grief #grieving #grievingmother #childloss #lossofachild #livingwithloss #copingwithloss #faith #hope #love #lossoffaith #losingfaith #God #peacewithgod #spirituality #signsfromheaven #signsfromabove #signsfromtheuniverse #signsfromgod #signsfromspirit #cardinal #motherhood #cysticfibrosis #cureCF #cysticfibrosisawareness #sometimesjoy