#soberrevolution

I thought I'd never make it. My last relapse was at 58 days. I wanted this green tag SO bad. 60 days ago, I committed to the program. I stopped tweaking things to fit my life. I started putting every last bit of willpower into my recovery, and it's working. This is the longest I've been clean since the first time I ever touched a drug, and it feels amazing. I see the benefits in every aspect of my life.

Before I found NA, I was scared, lonely and riddled with self-hatred. I was on the verge of losing my daughter and facing homelessness. I struggled and fought to stay clean but I kept losing. Every slip made me hate myself even more. It felt like such a losing battle. Then one day I finally surrendered. I surrendered not only to the fact that I couldn't use drugs, but I surrendered to the program and stopped trying to change it into what I wanted it to be. Since that day I have been happier than I've ever been. There's still been so many hard days, times where I feel like there's no option other than to use and numb my discomfort/pain, but I did what NA has taught me. Regardless of how much I didnt want to, I leaned on the tools I've been given so freely, and pushed my way through. I'm so grateful for the gifts of recovery and I'm ready to work my ass off so that these blessings stay in my life.

So I’m a couple days late doing this but friday, june 5th marked one year sober for me. This was something that i have dreamed of achieving for so many years. Alot of the reason I couldn’t stay sober was FEAR. Fear of everything. I couldn’t believe that in myself even tho I wanted to. A lot of the people i valued told me things that I’ve held onto for all these years. Every single person that was a part of this journey helped me get to where i am today.

My higher power(s) is everything or it is nothing. Steps 1-3 saved my life. It took me a long time to grasp 3, but once i did, god took the lead. Trusting and depending on a power greater than myself. Giving my will up was extremely hard but that’s what was blocking me from becoming the person i am today and the person i will blossom into.

I did this for me #1 but it was also for my family to have the daughter/sister they deserve and to honor my friends and family that have died from addiction/alcoholism. I want to be the best friend i can be, the best daughter/granddaughter/sister i can be.

The program unlocked the door to such a beautiful and simple life I never imagined possible for myself.

Today I am 20 days clean

And every single day has been a struggle. But going to bed clean and sober every night, playing with my beautiful child and building a healthy life has made it all so worth it. I am so grateful for my life today.