#so many programs

I've been paying on my student loans for 15 years. If they were a child, they'd be fucking driving with a learner's permit by now. Every time I get them paid down a little, I have some financial fuckarow that means I have to ask for a deferral, during which time all the interest gets put back onto the principal and accrues that much more interest, which means whatever tiny bit I might have paid the  principal down (because, seriously, every payment is mostly interest) goes right back up to almost the original amount.

Fifteen fucking years, and I'm down maybe two grand from the original amount, and my loans aren't even that big. Didn't take the full amount because even then, I knew I'd just be that much more screwed if I did.

So I've been chipping away at these fucking loans for fifteen years, and I just neared the end of another deferment period and was setting up payments again when the rep on the phone oh-so-casually asks if I might like an income-based request form. I'll admit that I'd just sad-laughingly said I guessed I wouldn't be getting my brakes changed anytime soon, thanks to making pocket lint for a salary, but I didn't think I sounded that bad. I know she probably hears that shit day in and day out and didn't want to make her job any shittier than it already has to be, so I was trying to make it a joke instead of depressing as hell.

But she caught the not-joke and asked about the income-based request and emailed me the paperwork, encouraging me to fill it out and send it back ASAP. I am so fucking glad she did because it's the nicest thing the government's ever done for me, but it pisses me off even worse because SOMEONE COULD HAVE DONE THAT FIFTEEN YEARS AGO.

Because you know what? I just got back my payment schedule, and based on my income, my payments should have been a quarter of what I've been paying this whole goddamn time.

Literally a quarter.

No. Fucking. Wonder I'm always broke. No. Fucking. Wonder I can never get caught up. I was paying FOUR TIMES the payment my income suggests I should. For fifteen years.

She also hooked me up with paperwork (that hasn't been approved yet) to maybe forgive my loans entirely after 120 payments (ten years, if I don't miss any, but a deferment wouldn't do anything but draw the 120 payments out over a longer time) because I work for a not-for-profit organization. That I worked at for four years before leaving and coming back for almost five more years now.

Yes. If I'd known about this program 10 years ago, I'd be less than a year from being free of my student loans entirely because the 120 payments don't have to be concurrent.

Why don't they tell us this shit?? I'm so fucking grateful for the one person who let it slip because she was nice and must have heard something in my voice I was trying not to let slip, but don't rely on the kindness of strangers whose job is basically government collections.

Call your loan servicer. If you work for a not-for-profit or meet certain other criteria, you can apply for the 120-payments-then-done program. If you fill out the income-based payment paperwork, you can potentially cut your loan down to a quarter of your current payments.

They won't tell you any of this. I've paid my original fucking loans off just in interest at least once by now, and I'm beyond pissed that I could almost be done with them if they'd just SAID something.

But they WILL NOT.