25-3-14 Migraine / Tuma / Stress / Sinusitis
For the past 4/5 years I’ve randomly been suffering from what I can describe as pain behind my left eye and this morning I was awoken by it and for some reason I thought I’d start blogging it down and keeping a record in hope to show a professional who can use it diagnose me…
When my episodes start I am confused and find it hard to talk / form a sentence and mainly I fear any type of light and try my best to avoid it.
Even the faintest red standby light from the TV set is uncomfortably painful, and so I sit here with my partners big thick black Ralph’s Lauren sunglasses on which are far to small as they digging into the bridge of my nose, but its a nice digging feeling, it kind of feels soothing as its applying pressure to my bridge, yet they seem best for deflecting these rays of photons back from my iPhone…
Irony is how else do I blog this down when everything I find difficult and uncomfortable is preventing me from doing so, it’s a challenge… my sentences are not probably making much sense lol. Anyway…I’m over analysing myself and spending far to much time describing these glasses… I guess talking to the internet is only comfort I have, it’s far to early to wake the house…
I was awoken about 3:30am by it which is about the normal time it gets me. The pain starts in the left side of my nose and slowly seems to spread to behind my left eye and then to the back of my head… and then everything hurts at once.
there are three levels of pain, Normal; which Is a dull throbbing pain, with this I can function ok and go about my life but I feel a gentle reminder that any minute it could flare up and fuck me over. excuse the language but its an unpleasant worry, so I try my best to ignore it and carry on.
Then I have Hard. This means I’m fucked. Like I was this morning. Only one thing to do and that is pace around holding my head waiting for it clear. In this stage I can talk and converse but find it difficult to concentrate and sitting still is impossible.
So its sunglasses on, plenty of spitting and trying to clear my nose. My left nasal passage will be blocked and I have to try and suck whatever the mucus I have is; backwards through my nose and into the back of my mouth and spit it out. DISGUSTING I KNOW, but it helps, it sooths, so I have to do it.
Then there is Hardcore this is hell, this is dark room, every light has to be off, I generally pace around to distract myself or I will do my mecca praying which is on my knees with my head pushed into the floor putting all my weight onto my head trying to get comfortable.. it must look really bloody funny seeing someone doing that but it helps. These episodes can usually last about an hour they feel like a life time, and when they pass I am tired and my day ahead is screwed up because it drains me.
Medication; Painkillers.. nothing works, only strong stuff which disables me, yes it kills pain but I can’t drive, I’m high as a kite.. I’d rather be in pain. Dr. keeps giving me nasal spray. this stuff doesn’t work.. he seems to think it will..
Part of the problem I have with the doctor is getting an appointment. When you work full time, you can’t just nip to the doctors, appointments are generally every two weeks as they don’t open weekends. its a pain the arse.
Doctor is really making me think It’s psychological… If this was psychological how would I wake myself up in pain? but why would I do this to myself? Why would I put myself through pain at work and screw my whole day up?!! I have lots of things to do with my day like spending it with my previous kids and playing piano, gaming… I don’t want this and I don’t have time for it!
One diagnosis was; tension headache…
I love life… I genuinely am in my prime, my children are beautiful and I love life, it has never been so good, yeah sure work can be stressful but it’s supposed to be.
without sounding arrogant.. I know myself well… I’ve had this body for nearly 40 years… I think I know what’s wrong with it, I really think its damaged sinuses.
Now my pain has gone… It just goes, poof… Sunglasses are off and I don’t know how I was typing on my phone it was so dark lol.
Now do I goto bed for an hour and disturb everyone or stay awake for work.
My left eye feels a bit tender, almost dry. I will make a cuppa tea and move onto the PC and charge my phone… typing on the iPhone is a challenge.
I read this back and sentences are not formed properly, I really want to edit what I’ve written before grammar Nazi’s see it… But I have to leave it as it’s part of the problem..
half hour later I’ve set tumblr up n my pc for ease of access so I can do this blog stuff when i’m at work or whatever.
So I’ve moved onto the PC, this is probably the most stupid idea I’ve had sitting in front of the PC with eye pain and fear of light, going to have a cigarette and think of how to improve this blog stuff.. maybe if I find the right words and describe it better; and if there is a god they will see it and think yeah he’s been punished enough now let him live.
