#shittyday

Such a sad and shity day today. Got the news about not being selected for mentoring the interns. It is fine that I am not selected for the job as it is one less thing for me to do. But that feeling, you know the feeling when you see the dissappointment, the 'I don't want to tell you that you are not good', the beating around the bush. It sucks. It fucking sucks. I feel worthless, untrustworthy. It is a feeling an ice berg just drops within your chest... cold.

People at my company say that when you are not trending well, things start being taken away from you, people start talking less to you. It is like you are slowly being faded away to oblivion. It is like people don't care or want me to be there anymore. I am really sad. Not being in a good mood, my gf asks me on why I don't congratulate my boss on his engagement. I feel absolutely ridiculous. I don't really know him, I don't know his fiancee even more. How can I be happy and excited for someone I don't know? I think what is worse than not congratulating someone is congratulating without even caring. It is like clapping feverishly and then to stop and frown.