As most people are aware, in the Orthodox community before a young man and woman are to be married, they have to be taught the halachos of taharas ha’mishpacha - which could be understood in the non Jewish world as Sex Ed.

The classes are so much more than that - there’s hashkafah, halacha, mikva instruction, a bit of biology, and ultimately what it takes to keep the husband and wife both satisfied as partners in their marriage (not just sexually). 

But I gotta’ tell you, it is super freakin’ weird when your younger sister, who used to be so pure, starts discussing with you how so many things that she thought were off limits are actually ok as long as they’re done right. Like “quickies” in a closet, or blowjobs. 

I mean, seriously. 

My little sister is discussing these things so openly with me. 

#awkward

It’s also understood that the chassan and kallah don’t touch each other (let alone have sex) before their wedding night, so it’s almost expected that that’s what’s going to happen after the wedding. 

One of my more outrageous friends was having a private conversation with me about family stuff and then all of a sudden went, “have you ever thought about the fact that your sister’s about to have sex?” As shocking as that revelation was, my initial response was, “obviously, that’s what happens after marriage, but I would definitely prefer not to think about my sister’s sex life.” But she kept going, “but it’s weird though, right? like, right after the wedding, they’ll totally rush out of there because neither one of them can keep their hands off each other and they’ll go back to their place and just do it.” At that I rolled my eyes, the international signal for “I hear you. You’re ridiculous. Let’s move on.” And then she said, “In 9 months, she could be a mommy.”

And that one sort of stings. For two reasons:

The first is that I know something she doesn’t know. I know that my sister and her chasson don’t have a lot of money and that in order to prevent financial stress and shalom bayis issues, their rav is having them use birth control for at least the first 6 months. So, no - in 9 months, she won’t be pregnant yet. But it’s that kind of thinking, those expectations, that are so uncomfortable. 

The second is that it’s painful to me. There’s nothing that I want more in life than to have children of my own. And while I was always voted by my family “most likely to succeed”, it hurts that my sister, who is my junior by 5 years, is getting married first. No matter what I say contrary to that and how big my smile is when I say it, it hurts. It hurts that she’s getting married first, it hurts that even if it’s not right now, she’ll probably have kids first, and it hurts that the way my life is going right now, I just don’t know if any of that is in my own future. It just hurts. 

But of course, nobody knows that. And nobody knows that because why should I detract from someone else’s deserved simcha?

Now that the wedding is right around the corner, most things are taken care of, but a lot of the stress has ended up on my shoulders. 

I’ve been handling the invitations, seating, place cards, centerpieces, discussing seating and tables with the caterer, ordering flowers, picking out ties for the men in the bridal (and groomal?) party, errands involving toiveling keilim for the chasson and kallah, helping LilSis clean her apartment to get ready for her chasson, taking everyone to and from nail appointments, hair trials, makeup trials, and gown fittings, baking and freezing for the shabbos kallah, cooking in advance for the shabbos before the wedding when we’ll have 20 people for each meal, and cleaning our house to get ready for that many guests. 

Not to mention making dinner every night for the family, doing regular grocery shopping, running other necessary errands, taking the car to the mechanic, decorating shoes and shtick for the wedding, and schoolwork.

Needless to say, I haven’t gotten much sleep lately. I also haven’t done laundry in like three weeks. It’s time.

So, I finally managed to get out yesterday and buy a shell, but I didn’t bring the dress with me, which made guesstimating a bit tricky. I found two shirts that seemed around the right shade, but both were smaller than the size I wear. 

I took a chance, bought them both, and not only do they both fit, but one of them (not the one I suspected) matches the dress perfectly. Praise the Lord and pass the potatoes! 

I went to get the dress hemmed and the seamstress thought I bought them together, she was shocked to find out that I bought the shirt separately. 

For this wedding I haven’t had too much anxiety, but the gown was definitely my biggest concern and I’m SO glad that concern has been alleviated. 

Invitations are out, finally! And reply cards are coming in, finally!

My mom has serious anxiety (like, diagnosed and on medication anxiety) and LilSis is seriously ADHD (no joke, she has medication too). I’m pretty much the only level headed person dealing with any of this wedding stuff right now. 

If it weren’t for me, the invitations wouldn’t have been completed, printed, assembled, addressed, or mailed out. We also wouldn’t have centerpieces. Or altered dresses. 

After a little bit of a meltdown the other day due to frustrating people, abruptly altered schedules, and just day to day stress, LilSis is doing better now, especially now that we have the invitations. So exciting! They look soooo good. ^_^

The lists have been made, now we’re checking them twice, gotta’ find out who’s... a duplicate, really. That’s all.

And then they’ll go out!

The wedding is in less than two months! So crazy!

So, LilSis and I went to the printshop today to check out the proofs and youguyz. They’re SOOOOO pretty!

We found a couple of typos that are gonna’ be fixed, but otherwise, it looks so amazing!

Hopefully we’ll be able to start getting them out this coming week and start receiving reply cards. This is gonna’ be super stressful, but hopefully not toooo stressful.

So, last week and earlier this week, once the invitation was finalized, I drove around with LilSis and we got quotes on printing. One place we contacted was actually shocked that we contacted them so early. I was like, “early?” And then the lady there told us that most couples that come in to get invitations printed do it just a few weeks before the wedding and want a rushed job. The fact that we came in two months before was a surprise to them. 

I can’t even imagine how off schedule someone has to be to get their invitations printed so last minute. I mean, if it were up to me, we’d have had them printed and out in the mail weeks ago, and we’d be recieving reply cards. lol

But to each their own. :)

This time around, the invitations look absolutely gorgeous and they’re exactly what LilSis wanted - the layout, the wording, the alignment, everything. 

Yesterday I went with LilSis to pick out the linen colors and we’re slowly working on the centerpieces. 

Since BZ’s parents are paying for a grand majority of the wedding, my mom wants to take care of the invitations and the centerpieces. But since we don’t have a lot of money, she doesn’t want to do flowers (those get ridiculously expensive) and everyone nixed the idea of candles because there’ll be kids there.

So our options are limited.

I googled and came up with a few super cute and elegant ideas using ribbons and balloons, but it’s been a no-go. I came up with another cool idea using sand, and that seems to have piqued some interest.