Every story has a climax, and the apex of this one came after my sister and I left the Rav's office.
We got into the car and we both sat there for a minute, collecting thoughts. Then I had my sister pull out a notebook and start writing down specifics she wanted to discuss with Y.M. and phrases to use to tell him it was over. We went over the big ones and pulled advice from what the Rav had told her before she took out her phone.
Once the list was complete, she took a deep breath and dialed.
Y.M. answered the phone after two rings.
At this point, I would like to take a moment to mention that Y.M. comes from a very, very religious family. So religious, in fact, that his father didn't want the couple to have any contact for the two weeks leading up to the wedding instead of the standard traditional one week. And the strictness didn't stop with just seeing each other, but was in regards to talking on the phone and even texting as well.
For anyone that upholds that kind of strictness in this particular tradition, receiving a phone call during the week leading up to the wedding from someone who isn't supposed to be calling you should immediately be a warning sign. Clearly something is wrong or she wouldn't be calling.
And yet, he answered the phone casually. So casually that as soon as he answered, my sister gave me a funny look.
She asked him where he was and if he had time to talk and he said he was at work but he could definitely talk. She put her hand over the receiver and said, "he sounds smug."
That threw me for a loop. "What?"
"He sounds smug. Like he was expecting me to call."
It's still all assumption, but we both think that he was thinking she was so in love with him that she couldn't go even a week without talking to him.
I don't remember the exact words she used, but it was something along the lines of I feel awful doing this to you right now, and the timing could not have been any worse, but I've been doing a lot of thinking and I've spoken to my Rav, and I'm breaking off the engagement.
"What? Are you joking? Why is this happening?"
"I'm sorry. Whatever it is, I'm sorry. We can work this out. We can talk. Let's just talk. Everything will be ok. Ok, I'm sorry."
"Who's telling you these things about me? Was it her? Was it? I know it was her. She doesn't know me. She doesn't know my family. Whatever she said is a lie. She's never liked us anyway."
(Her, of course, being the friend who knew his family. My sister hadn't even mentioned her and he was already throwing accusations her way.)
"Please. Why are you doing this to me? Tell me what's wrong. We can work this out. I've never asked you to change. I've never asked you for anything. Why are you doing this to me? Please, just talk to me. We can work this out. It'll all be ok. Please don't do this to me. I can change. Whatever it is, I can change."
Throughout the conversation, my sister kept repeating herself and re-explaining the same things over and over, peppered with, "no! Y. you're not listening to me! that's completely not the point. you're not listening to me."
There was a pause in the middle where he stopped for a minute and I reminded my sister who was just getting aggrivated with the whole thing that she had come to the decision to end it a whole night before. That she had concerns and been mulling things over for months, while he was only just hearing about all of this now. That got her to take a deep breath and calm down a little, but when he got back on the phone it all started again.
After about 20 minutes of that, the conversation ended with him still assuming they just needed more time to talk. He said he wasn't going to tell his parents yet and he wanted our Rav's number. My sister said she'd text it to him and got off the phone.
She was extremely stressed and frustrated, understandably, but she called our Rav and left him a message telling him that Y.M. would be calling him soon and then texted the number over.
Not even two minutes later, my sister's phone rang.
This time, it was the shadchan.
"What is this I hear?? What's going on?? What are you doing??"
So my sister explained how E.S. came to her and the Rav with concerns, how other people had concerns, and how after speaking with the Rav (whom the shadchan knows personally), she came to the decision to end it.
The shadchan was furious. She said my sister should stop listening to lashon hara, that her friends were just jealous of the shidduch, and that she shouldn't let them tear apart her relationship. She said the shidduch was meant to be and my sister should call Y.M. and apologize.
I should note that the shadchan is a good friend of our family and someone my sister has always admired, and she was shocked and appalled at this response.
My sister asked her how on earth she knew about it so quickly when she had only just called Y.M. a short while before and she said that he called his aunt in a panic and the aunt called her.
So, he wasn't ready to tell his parents, but he told his aunt. The aunt was the one at the event with his mom who saw my sister and thought of the shidduch in the first place, but it still seemed weird that he would talk to her about it before mentioning it to the two people who were funding half the wedding.
We wanted to start canceling wedding things, but weren't sure if we should do it all before he had even told his own parents.
There wasn't much more we could really do at that point aside from wait.