“Skara, you won’t believe what happened today!” Viney shouted into the cottage as she opened the door. Skara would want to hear about the baby skin badger that had been dropped at her door by one of the Bat Queen’s children.

No answer. Of course there wasn’t. Skara had left. How had she forgotten? Was a week long enough to forget that your wife of nearly eight years had left?

She hung her head and slammed the door, angry at herself for having forgotten that Skara was gone. Gone. No note, nothing. Her parents hadn’t heard from her; Amity said she hadn’t seen her either. Viney slumped against the front door, her back sliding all the way down until her butt plopped hard on the floor. It was only a second more before the tears threatened.

It’s all my fault. She left because I wasn’t paying her enough attention. Gone too much at work. Absent at home. Scrolling on Pensta. Flying on Puddles. Not listening to her when she said she wanted more. I’m a bad lover. Selfish. I don’t understand what she means when she talks about music and I never bothered to learn. Did we get married too young? But it was so good then. It had to be me.

Her thoughts kept spiraling. She tried several times to get up and take care of the groceries she’d brought home, but her knees wobbled and she just sat back down. The tears followed behind.

“Fuck! Titan damn it!” Crying always made her angry. It felt like a personal failure to cry, to give in to the urge and let it go. Feelings had to stay inside, safely kept hidden from anyone who might judge. It was the one thing she and her father agreed on. Over the years, Viney saw how much it hurt him that mother had left, but he’d never said anything and he kept on keeping on, raising her, feeding her, teaching her. But, he kept her at arm’s length also. Not cold, but not able to show his love. He could show pride; he was proud when she started her clinic, proud of her when she and Skara got married. He was proud of her when the Entrails won the Flyer Derby cup and cheered them on from the stands, his voice standing out over all the other raucous calls.

No. Crying couldn’t be allowed. She had to get up and move. Had to. This time she managed to stand, willing her knees to not wobble and her hands and feet to obey her commands. She picked up the bag of groceries and put them away. The dinner she’d planned fled out of her mind and she poured the last of the sugary human cereal that Luz had bought her. Humans weren’t any good at magic, except Luz, but they sure were good at putting sugar in everything.

Flopping on her sofa, she picked up her Pensta and began scrolling. Hunter had just finished his apprenticeship and was showing off the Palismen he’d carved. Willow’s Pensta was full of her workout streams. She almost made enough snails from monetizing them that she could do it full time, but she loved her plants and her greenhouse too much for that.

Viney’s fingers moved of their own accord, flipping to Skara’s Pensta, expecting nothing there, but there was a post. Just text.

Free. IDK if I like it or not.

Viney flicked her eyes to the timestamp. It had been posted just one hour ago; the location tag was blocked, though.

Her fingers flew over the keys and she paused only a second over the enter key before posting.

Free but alone. I don’t like it.

A hug emoji appeared almost instantly and Viney saw it was from Luz. A second later a DM notification popped up.

Luz: Want to chat? I’m here anytime.

Viney typed something, erased it, typed again and erased it. Finally she just left a shaking head emoji under Luz’s message. Luz typed back instantly. That girl could text so fast and it made Viney smile, just a little.

Luz: Okay. Amity and I love you and I’m sorry for what’s happening. We’re here if you need us. Amity said she and Willow would take you anywhere you wanted to go also, maybe a tropical getaway to the lower isles? LMK.

Viney started to reply, then stopped and put down her Pensta. After a moment’s thought, she turned it off completely. She’d never be able to sleep like this, thinking about Skara, thinking about how she smelled, how she felt in Viney’s arms, the way she laughed at Viney’s stupid jokes even though she knew they were a way of keeping emotions at a distance.

No, she’d never get to sleep. The empty cereal bowl taunted her with the little residue of milk in it. It belonged in the kitchen now and it tugged at Viney’s mind to put it away, but she ignored it and instead went to a tall cabinet near the kitchen table. She dug around in it and pulled out a dusty bottle of fermented fig-pig sweat. When she took the cap off, the smell of it caused her eyes to water, but they weren’t tears of sadness at least. She took a swig, swallowed and coughed. It was so strong, meaty and sweet. She coughed and now the tears were flowing again, but she laughed because these were tears she could handle. Two more swigs and they stopped. Her mouth and throat were on fire. Maybe she should have eaten something more than cereal.

She turned her Pensta back on and watched a video on the Skyclad network, but the actress only made her think of Skara. Another swig. Another video. This time the fake moaning made her angry. Had they never actually made someone else come before? She took another drink and another and…

and…

and…

and…

woke up on the floor with her Pensta’s alarm beeping. She sat up, which was a mistake as her head swam. She saw her Pensta on the side table, grabbed for it, and knocked it on the floor where she heard it crack. She reached for it again and face-planted. Finally, she managed to sit up and silence the alarm.

6:00 a.m.

Time to get ready for work. This was a nice thing about working for yourself; you could call in sick and only let yourself down. She would have to go take care of Puddles though or Puddles would break out of her pen in search of food. With the help of the side table, she managed to stand, which was good because a moment later she had to rush for the bathroom. The fig-pig sweat didn’t taste any better coming up than it had going down and even after rinsing her mouth and brushing her teeth, she could still taste it at the back of her throat. It was fitting punishment for using it to sleep.

Puddles was already banging at the door of her stall when Viney got there and only calmed down when Viney gave her a big chunk of antcake. As Puddles ate, Viney scratched the back of her neck and dug around in her feathers, looking for ticks or mites. Puddles made a noise that would be a purr if she were feline and Viney knew it meant she liked it.

“Who’s the best griffin? You are!” Viney cooed to Puddles. She cleaned up the stall and hosed it down. She stared blankly at the hose, then turned it on her face. Puddles looked up from her antcake and turned her head curiously. The cold water woke Viney up even more and she decided to go to work after all.

The routine of her day at work pulled her out of her mind a bit; the mindless mixing of potions she’d made a hundred or a thousand times before made it all a bit more bearable. Going over notes and reading about new ways of diagnosing wing rot in faeries and moth-demons occupied that spot in her mind that had been running like an Echo Mouse on a wheel.

But then when she went home, the loneliness struck again and she flopped on the sofa. Cereal. Skyclad Network. Pathetic lonely masturbation. She looked at the fig-pig sweat, but just the thought of opening the bottle made her gag. Instead she curled up on the couch and tried to sleep. Skara ran through her thoughts.

That first night after defending Hexside at her side on Puddles. Making out in a bundle of nerves after everyone else had left. Skara’s whisper of, “I’m going to marry you someday.”

And then… nothing for almost three years. They’d see each other at school, they helped defend it from Belos and the Collector’s weird star things and puppet-people. Viney pined for Skara, but Skara didn’t seem to notice her. That one night with her had made Viney see. Skara used to be just one of the mean girls, but something had changed her. It all had happened after Luz appeared, but Viney didn’t think it had anything to do with Luz directly. Maybe Skara had just needed to mature, to grow up from her teen pettiness.

The graduation party. Skara cornering her in a hallway outside a bedroom where they could hear another couple enjoying themselves. That kiss. Skara pressing Viney to the wall. Her hot lips on Viney’s. Soft breath on Viney’s neck and the flicking tongue, teasing her.

“We should set a date,” Skara whispered in Viney’s ear. She’d been Viney’s first: first kiss, first love, first sex…

And now, her first heartbreak.

Three more weeks went the same way. Work made it bearable. Seeing clients again, seeing their pets and animals, healing them. Luz or Amity came on the weekends to keep Viney from spiralling. No more Pensta posts from Skara. Still no one had heard from her.

Six months. Now Luz or Amity only came once a month. Viney had gathered herself more and the cottage was kept tidy at least. Her business thrived as she poured herself into working longer hours. She hired Edric Blight to take over the potion making part of it. He worked just as hard as she did and Viney thought maybe he was working through something also.

Nine months. Skara wasn’t coming back. Viney wanted—something.

Sex? Maybe.

Companionship? Maybe.

A partner? Someone she could share her day with? Her dreams with? Yes. She’d had that with Skara, or thought she had, anyway.

She was just sitting down to her nightly Pensta session when it pinged with a message from Luz.

Luz: OMT, you have to hear this.

There was a link to a song. As soon as Viney hit play, she knew. It was Skara. The opening arpeggios on the harp were undoubtedly her and when she started to sing over the harp, her voice cut Viney to her core.

I loved you since I first saw you,

Wanted to be with you but couldn’t

Loved you since I met you,

But love wasn’t enough.

Years together,

Love wasn’t enough.

Did we change?

Did we give up? I don’t know.

Love wasn’t enough, yeah, wasn’t enough.

Sitting, waiting, wanting more.