#self-absorption

The commitment-phobe is unconcerned with the detrimental impact of his aloofness/chaotic confusion on others. Self-consumption rules the coward.

there are few things i detest more than being bothered on my lunch hour. it is one of my “thinking hours.” quite the good mood today. regular meals. all sailing smooth. i had the thought earlier with how vaguely i write, wondering how many assume it is about them + what it says about them if they do assume so much or even if they think that i have even half of my mind on for them to be able to make any good guess of its thoughts when i am spitting out words after midnight on the internet. you will know what i think when i tell you. in private. it is really the only way. everything else is just a swinging of the legs. gape. gape. gape.  i did deftly deactivate two possible conflicts though. although all of it gives me cause for concern. one concern being how much of this maturity in communication + the skills i flex are just another way i can evade discomfort (like, say, intimacy + vulnerability by a refusal to take offense or be pushed toward any strong emotion even if it be merely the strong emotion of objection) + another that is asking what is the point of any conflict that isn’t about unmet needs. i can do something about an unmet need. i can’t do anything with a difference of opinion. i hate debate. i’d rather write scathing papers back + forth than debate something in real time. i only want to share ideas.  i don’t know. i don’t know. if anything were to meet me like one thing once did. ah, there is no reason to mull over it. if only others would stop trying to preempt me (as i have learned to accept that i cannot preempt them), i think i’d feel more free.  i look at myself in judgment far more than i ever look at you in it. everything a deeper dive into the self. everything a floating thought of meaning.