I feel sorry quite often for the world we live in. All the mundane to more traumatic things. But the mundane nips at me especially. The insidious things that can block a person's path. Fear. Worry. Insecurity. Hesitation to wear a certain outfit. Fear of exposing true and even risky thoughts or emotions. Concern that someone else might think you uninteresting, boring. The way those things and things like them inhibit people and shut them up because other people with the same fears have transmuted their fears into fragile yet consuming narcissisms (inward blame vrs outward blame - how the two love the other). But the idea of winning favor is such a misguided one. Draining - the repugnant pursuit of gained approval - and yet such a trap so easily walked into day after day when decisions are made based on if they make us more lovable or not. Are we even individuals then? Fleshy and real?
Do I make myself unlovable by refusing to be bothered with or by my (un)lovability? Am I less loveable because I will not attempt to deserve love? Perhaps. And yet still do I have - do I receive love?
So much. And so much of it no matter what I'm on about or with this week or the next. And it is so easy.
So wear the outfit. Talk about the most useless topics you'd like. Being interesting, an interaction that engages all involved, is the effort of two or more of those within the interaction - so no more your fault is any boring conversation as it is the fault of the other limp bud you're having it with. There you are. Both boring sometimes and human always and it isn't at all some terrible thing for us to be.
Any blade can be sharpened against any rock. The failure rests in the angle, the position.
And then all honesty, the older I get the more firm is my belief. Anything good is a gift freely given and anything else we should reject to desire - or at the least reject the pain associated with what is not given.
No person is good. No person is special. But if you study them with an unbiased, un-egoed eye, I do think you'll often come to realize that that is quite well and good enough - for people to be people and not somehow transcend beyond that banality. Or at least I have. Over and over. I've come to realize. Everything can interest me. Everything and anything does. So what is good and full is what we make so. That power we have to create again and again something magical with just a push, a word, a gesture, a look but only when another follows along - or many others.
And I'd like you to realize, too. About yourself. Everyone about themselves. And everyone about all else. Everyone about everyone else.
