#self-isolation

Bella frowned as they stopped in front of Killian's bedroom door.  Killian caught her wrist before she could open the door.

"Bella..." he said "he's not as bad as everyone says...  Just give him a chance...  Please?"

"Alright...." Bella said, with a nod.  

Coughing sounded from inside the room.  It sounded even worse than before.

"You two have self-isolated yourselves.." Bella said softly as she looked at Killian "How long has this been going on?"

"Two days....  It's been almost two days..." Killian said as he opened the door for Bella.  

The room was dark.

"Um...  Kade..." Killian said hesitantly "I'm back..."

Coughing sounded from the bed, but no answer.  

Bell blinked.  She let her ether light glow slight.  Immediately a smothered groan sounded from the bed.  

"Don't" Killian said, putting a hand on her shoulder.  

"What?" Bella asked confused.  

"Your light...  It's hurting him" Killian said, shaking his head.

Immediately Bella let her light go.  "Oh... sorry" she said quickly.

Killian walked over to the bed, kneeling next to the lump under the blankets.  "hey...  how are you feeling?" he asked.

The green eyes flickered open for a second.  "....killian..." he mumbled "You...  came back..."

"Of course..." Killian said "I'm not going to leave you here on your own, when you look this bad"

For a moment it looked like Kade wanted to argue with him, but his eyes just flickered closed, before he started coughing.  Each of the coughs ripped through Kade's chest and throat.  

A soft whimper sounded from Kade, but he did not open his eyes again.  

"And the infirmary refuses to help him?" Bella asked, frowning darkly.  

Killian nodded as he grabbed the cloth and water bowl.  Quickly he wrung out the cloth, putting his over Kade's forehead.  

"Kade....  are you feeling any better?" he asked worried.  

Kade nodded slightly.  "... not nauseous anymore..." he said, before shivering.  

Killian looked over Bella, worry on his face.  

Biting her lip, she walked over, but did not get much closer to Kade.  She placed a hand on Killian's shoulder.  

"I'm going to get some medicine and food for you two" Bella said "I... I think the isolation was a good idea...  As far as I heard since coming back, no one is very happy with him being here.  So I wouldn't trust them to help"

"Thank you, Bella" Killian said.

Bella nodded.

"Alright...  I'll be back in a few minutes" she said, squeezing Killian's shoulder.

Killian breathed out as he turned his attention back to Kade.  

As Bell left the room, Kade's eyes flickered open.  His eyes focused on Killian, confusion flashed over his face when he realized the guy was still there.  

"...Why... are you... still here?" he asked.  

"Someone needs to take care of you" Killian said with a sigh "Because you're....  Everyone else will...  they'll just..."

Kade coughed.  "...let me die?" he asked as he got his breath back.  

Killian looked down at the ground.  "yeah...  something like that" he said "Bella will bring some medicine for you and some food.  You need to eat something, alright?"

A shiver ran through Kade and he closed his eyes.  "...You... shouldn't have...  stayed here..." he muttered.

Killian sighed.  "Look...  You scare me...  but" he started "But you don't deserve the way they're treating you....  We're in a school to become pro heroes, how can they call themselves heroes if they do something like that?"

"...if you're scared..." Kade asked "Why... are you helping me?"

Killian chuckled softly.  "I hope you don't remember any of this..." he muttered "But even though everyone calls you a villain...  You've killed people... and did bad things.... the last few years...  You... You didn't do any of that.... and while you were here... I kind of look up to you"

No answer.

Blinking Killian looked over at Kade.  He was asleep.

"I really hope you don't remember this..." he muttered.

***

Bella did not go back into Killian and Kade's room.  Killian just came to the door when she knocked.  

"Hey..." she said softly.

"Hi" Killian said, quickly closing the door behind him.  

"How's it going today?" Bella asked softly.

Killian nodded.  "He's looking better, but I don't know what to do" he said "His fever is still way too high, but he's not coughing his lungs out anymore...."

Bella nodded.  "That's good" she said "I'll see if I can find anything else for the fever...  A bit stronger than the others"

"Thanks" Killian said, looking down "Bella.... Why are you helping us?  Everyone else will just let Kade suffer without helping him.  So why are you?"

"You remember I told you that I've met him before" Bella said "He wasn't as terrible as everyone said" a slight smile formed on her face "And he was sick back then as well....  Did you know he has a little sister?  I am willing to give him a chance to show that he's not that big bad guy that everyone says"

Killian nodded.  "Alright...." he said, smiling "Thanks, Bella..."

Bella smiled.  "And I know you kind of looked up to him since last year..." she said "But don't let that cloud your judgement, alright?"

"He still scares the living crap out of me" Killian said, pulling his hand through his hair "But thanks...  if you can get me some fever medicine.  That will be great"

"I'll be as fast as I can" Bella said "Take care of him"

Killian nodded and stepped back into the room, closing the bedroom door.  It was still dark inside, but not as dark as before.  Kade was sleeping again.  At least he was eating a bit, but he was having trouble staying awake.

"Hey, Kade?" he asked softly "How are you feeling now?"

Kade's green eyes flickered open, before he slowly sat up, holding on to the blankets.  

"Sorry... for the trouble..." he mumbled "You don't.... need to stay..."

Killian chuckled as he sat down at the desk.  "No way" he said "I can take care of our homework....  you just make sure to get better"

Kade closed his eyes.  

"...I'll help...." he said, tilting his head towards Killian.  

"You're not moving" Killian said "You will pass out if you do"

"Sorry.... for making you.... miss class...." Kade mumbled.  

Killian shrugged as he turned on the desk light, his attention going to the work they've missed since Kade got sick.  After a while he dropped his head onto the table.  

"I have no idea what's going on here...." he groaned.  

Kade opened his eyes, slowly sitting up.  "... let me see" he said.  

Killian blinked at him before getting up and bringing the book over.  "Here" he said as he showed Kade the book.

A slight frown formed on Kade's face as his eyes flickered over the work.  It took him a moment before his mind started working again.  

"...Um..... you made a mistake here" he said quietly, voice hoarse from all the coughing.  

Killian blinked.  "What the..." he started, leaning over so he could see "How the hell do you know that?"

Kade shrugged slightly before shivering.  "Not that hard..." he muttered, handing the book back to Killian.  

"How?" Killian asked again "Because you barely get passing marks"

"I don't feel like... letting them....  know how... easy it is" Kade said, and Killian started laughing.  

"You are crazy" Killian said as he sat back "Thank you...  You're not as bad as you want people to think"

Kade shrugged, sitting back and closing his eyes.  

Knocking sounded from door.  Immediately the shadows flickered slightly.  

"It's probably just Bella with some fever medicine" Killian said.

Kade just looked down, not saying anything as Killian went to get the medicine.  When he got back, he carried a small bag.  

"Bella brought some food and medicine" Killian said "I'll give you some of it now...  hopefully it brings your fever down."  He looked in the bag "Here's some sweets as well..."

"What sweets?" Kade asked, sitting up a bit more.  

Killian pulled out a small packet of smarties and jelly beans.  

"That one..." Kade said quickly, motioning to the jelly beans "Tell Bell she can come in next time"

which is that, as a child, adults in my life knew what I was going through but did not protect or stick up for me, and I really was on my own when dealing with what my parent put me through. The only exception is my paternal grandparents, who both knew exactly what my mum was like and tried on several occasions to step in and tell her to back off while she was berating me infront of them (embarrassing me infront of others, for anything from not finishing a book to the way I looked, my weight, etc, was one of her favourite pastimes), but it never got any further than the initial sticking up because she’d just yell at them to stop interfering. Then I’d inevitably get into more trouble because of how ~humiliated~ she was that other people tried to stop her.

But nobody else stuck up for or helped me. I know damn well that her family know what she’s like because her own mum has spoken to me about it, about knowing she has a massive drinking problem and an attitude and a temper. But they want nothing to do with it, even though they’re the ones who created her. Then on the few occasions as a teenager when I ended up snapping because she was aggressive and in my face, I was the one who had to quit shouting. I was the one who had to back down and leave it. Dad would come to see what in the absolute hell was going on and I was the one who had to stop. Any time I ever tried to defend myself against her always made it worse - and if she did back down, I always knew it would come out the next time, or the time after that. It was always me who had to stay quiet, leave it alone, don’t say anything god forbid she kicks off more.

And so, I had to deal with it myself. At the time that was by throwing myself into whatever fictional world I was into and pretending I was a powerful hero loved by everyone and in total control of my life, relationships and everything else. I listened to music as angry as I was, music that made me feel powerful, and didn’t reach out to anyone. Because I had been taught, for so long, that nobody could be trusted. Because I didn’t realise this parental experience wasn’t the norm. Because in the end, I knew they wouldn’t really stick up for me - it would somehow be my fault, something I had to apologise for even though I never started it. And I was that way for so, so long.

Now, things are different. I recognise when I need to talk about something with another person and am actually planning to ask for a therapist when I see the psych later this month, so they can help me work through a couple things. I do still step back to figure myself out sometimes and I think there’s merit in that - I don’t want nor expect other people to handle me when I can’t handle myself. I’m also pretty self-reflective now and if something makes me frustrated or angry or upset and I’m surprised that it elicited such a reaction, I’ll take it away to figure out why and then move forward the way I need to. A lot of the time it’s often saying “huh, makes sense I’d feel this way because it relates to [x], which I’ve worked out or am working on” and moving on.