#self autonomy

In late discovery of the heart, plenty half of your life,

You've lived true to your head.

You've merged with another, with just enough affection to deem you human, many times it seems.

But never once before you had dreaded the idea of a love being arranged.

Diplomatic you had stayed, to the inevitable turn your ripe age would take.

Meeting a fellow thread, who is also to collaborate in the tradition of stitching two unfamiliar fabric together.

You had known, always.

Prepared, you thought you were.

And why wouldn't you be?

For a man, less devoted to heart, you are.

Faithful to reasonable duties, all forged by the iron mind.

But it seems,

Romance has dawned.

Endeared freedom of staying solely to yourself.

Eloping the heavy weight of an early family.

And.....surprisingly also....the hope to meet someone you actually want to relate to.

Considering you,

I am to receive this, as a mark of your growth.

You've discovered your heart.

And if that, in your world means, rebellion.

I can only imagine how hard the conditions must have been.

'Not now mother.

I'm not ready.

I need time.

I'm fond of what I've built, and I wish to stare at it for many more years, on my own.

Let me....Let me..'

This is you, logically so, defending your freshly discovered heart.

One needs not to be a romantic soul, with devotion to the heart, to suffer from a marriage made out of arrangement.

You need not be a dreamer, long since infancy, dreaming of true love, to dread a bond, unfamiliar and unchosen.

Sharing life with another is an important decision.

You are the one who will be sharing a roof, time, and life that feels eternal when lived around unrecognizable designs.

There are many compromises that are a moment effect, although the pain remains firmly in place, even when life has journeyed far.

Marriage and career,

These two topics are not one to be 'let it happen' to you.

In a long journey like life, living is quick to turn boring, dreadful and lonely.

That is why connection exists, dreams and ambition exists, things you want to do are endless because life also is.

Be very firm when it comes to choosing and deciding what you allow to accompany your long eternal life.

🤍 The context may vary, but all have circumstances that circles around, disappointing a treasured figure or disappointing your ownself.

I will not tell you, all the little disappointments you gave yourself to make another proud was foolish.

But what I will tell you is,

When it truly matters,

When it is to follow you for the rest of your life,

Don't you dare disappoint yourself.

P.s. To whom it may concern.

May these words bring you solace... Isn't it interesting, that the moment you begin to grow the people around you begin to vanish, that when you were reckless, lost in the noise of indulgence, you were never alone, but now as you strive for something more, silence. You see, human beings cling to familiarity, not because it is good, not because it is right, but simply because it is known, and when you begin to change, when you step beyond the version of yourself they once knew, it unsettles them. Most friendships are not built on deep connection, but on shared habits. If you drink, they drink. If you complain, they complain. If you fear, they fear. Misery, after all, loves company. But, the moment you no longer entertain the drama, the excess, the self destruction, the crowd thins, not because they dislike you, but because they do not know you anymore. And, truthfully, they do not wish to. So, what will it be, to stay the same, surrounded, but stagnant, or to walk alone for a time, and discover the rare few who resonate with your higher self, because the irony is, the loneliest path, is often the only one, that leads to true belonging.

"Between stimulus and response lies a space.

In that space lie our freedom and power to choose a response.

In our response lies our growth and our happiness."

- Often attributed to Viktor Frankl

In the middle of the forest, there stood a manor, with ivy cradling its every corner, whose mistress had two lovely granddaughters whom she cherished deeply.

But stern was the woman, for she believed discipline to be the utmost sign of respect.

And such she would demand, from the two lovely young ladies under her care.

There would be always brilliant rewards awaiting to those who fulfilled her expectations. 

Sometimes it would be the most enchanted fairytale book that came alive each flip of the pages, and sometimes it would be the most marvelously crafted hats that would not ever be bullied by any push of winds.

This time, the woman had brought in, as a tempting reward for best behaviors, an alive doll.

She had the most beautiful face, with cheeks red as roses, hair like the threads of gold, with curls enviable and striking.

Both the little ladies would marvel at the sight of the new reward.

'Splendid. I shall have her!'

Both would think in sync.

'Indeed, she is.

Isn't she, my dear granddaughters.

But, she is alive, therefore, your want will not be enough to have her.

She must agree to the hands that approach.

If not, you both shall never have her, even if you painstakingly wish to.'

Listening to such foreign restrains that involved waiting for consent from the things they wanted, the two girls would wear odd expressions in confusion.

But nevertheless, they both would agree.

From then forth, the constant courting would begin, each night before bed and every morning, they both would greet the doll resting in the marbled cupboards. 

'Hello there, you are so beautiful. 

And I wish you well, have a good day and good night!'

But the doll would not sway nor wink in delight, she would remain frozen in place, with no amusement in her eyes.

Realizing something more must be said, the little girls would begin professing the most depthful affection. 

'I love you the most, and I will take care of you till I can nolonger play.'

But the doll wouldn't reciprocate. 

Staring off at the porcelain walls, and the giant picture frame where the manor stood proud in the sun.

Seeing such unmoved heart of the doll, the little girls would run to their grandmother, for they knew, although strict she was, her heart was wiser than all the books decorating their untouched shelves. 

'Grandmother! 

Oh, look how stubborn the doll is,

She cares none about us, no matter how much we confess, she refuses to agree.

Oh, what shall we do??'

Hearing her chirping little girls, the mistress would then suggest them patience,

'Why must you hurry?

For alive she is, but none of her, ages like you two.

She is to stay forever a doll with ingrained want to be a playmate, but none of you will forever want to play.

So, let her be.

This to her means eternity. 

And your childhood, a season.

So let her be...

She shall choose whom she deems worthy enough to be forgotten by.'

The little girls hearing such words, have distinct responses different from the other.

'Oh, that is why we must hurry!

My want is running out of time, and I am getting older! She must agree before i turn to a brooding and dull adult!'

'Poor she, to hold such convictions to be readily forgotten, goodness how courageous her little doll heart is, to still choose to play with children who is bound to forget her with age.

I thought her appearance was the most dear thing to witness, but her heart is even more precious.

I love her, oh, I do.

I will wait for as long as she wishes.

I shall even box my childhood spirit somewhere within my deep heart, and play with her, nomatter the age.'

One day, in the middle of thunderous november, one loud strike of lightening shook the entire resting cave of the little doll, and with a thud, the porcelain doll fell on her pretty head.

The eldest lady, among the two, is immediately made aware by the sound, she ran to the scene and found the little doll on the floor with her head kissing the hard ground.

As the instinct to hurry and reach for the fallen got overtaken by the halt of wit, that suggested the scene to be a perfect fit for a profitable deal to be made.

'Fair doll, if you shall accept me as your playmate, then I shall definitely help you.

I will place you once again, in the most mightiest of heights, from where all things are clear to sight.

So what say you? It is up to your next word of yes, I leave my help.' 

But the doll wouldn't say a word, and sadly lay down like an autumn leaf.

Impatient and angry, as the eldest granddaughter became, she yelled at the doll with incoherent affection, that was more of demand than softness.

'Oh, so that is how you wish to be?

Fine! You shall lie there all your enchanted life!

For all I care!'

As she rushes out the door, with angry marches loud enough to wake up the youngest.

Curious to see what on earth had evoked such early rage in her sister, the youngest one walked towards the scene. 

There she sees too, the sight of the fallen doll.

For she had been the calm one, compared to the other and had herself decided after her talk with the mistress that she was to wait with patience, 

for the doll had been worth it, she believed. 

So, such sad sight left her heart broken as her entire self rushed to help.

The doll spoke to the approaching messiah, 

'If you help me, that itself cannot make me promise you, a yes.

That you shall know, all before you act.

For I wish not to fool you or have you resent your deed.'

But the youngest, halts none of her hands and picks up the doll who had been on the cold ground for far too long,

'Silly you..

Of course I know that.

My help isn't a confession from which I expect out of you an answer.

It is but my emotion that I am having the chance to express, and that is, how much I wish for you to not suffer.'

The doll hearing such unfamiliar words from a girl far too young to be a sage, smiles a soft rose.

'Very well then,

I am grateful.

But I must ask, do you not find me endearing enough to bully and demand?'

Placing the doll in the most safest height, where a fall is not guaranteed, the youngest responds,

'Oh dear, what a silly little thing you ask.

For even the steward who arranges the manor, to the gardener who attends our roses, to the maid who pours us some tea, if they all should have fallen as you, I would have aided them just alike, I need not to love them, to help.

But you, I do love dearly.

And the most magnificent craft you are, that I indeed wish to make bonds with.

But dear, affection to you makes it easier to be even more kind. What kind of love are you thinking of when you ask?

Remember, such affection that revokes itself into a threat when such decency is applied to all, regardless of them being your beloved or not.

Is not where you need find comfort. '

With a newfound wisdom sparkling in her buttoned eyes, the doll agreed,

'Well said, I shall learn a thing or two from this.

I shall love and be loved better.

This may sound very soft of me, but i must ask you to be my playmate.

For the eldest is also very dear.

But I must confess, she scares me.

As you have said, the maids who brush off the counters and shelves to clean, touch me so gently, even though none of them love me. 

If I ever so slightly am near a threatening slide, that predicts a fall, they all mindfully with care keep me in a safe distance, mind you, they do not love me, and I do not as well.

But still, decent they are.....

But she, she proclaimed, she loved me dearly.

Yet, my fall mattered none, and she despite her affection withheld decency from me.

Such a person scares me.

And you, my youngest counterpart of a play,

I shall give you my thanks, for I know you are to be decent, no matter the absence or presence of love.

And for that, I ask of you to play with me until you grow old and mundane.'

˚.🎀༘⋆

To all readers,

Decency is a given,

Affection is earned.

When a professing soul, withholds decency, to have you say yes.

It is not a safe dynamic to get entangled in.

I hope you meet a soul that will remain decent, no matter the yes or no's.

From your dearest numan,

"The heart is an eye. Create in order to see." -" The House of Glances

This means that our true understanding and perception of the world comes not just from our physical sight, but from our deepest emotions and intentions, which can only be fully accessed through creative expression; essentially, to truly "see" something, one must engage with it on a deeply personal and creative level, allowing the "eye of the heart" to open up and gain deeper insight. 

Forget about enlightenment for a moment, forget about your spiritual journey.

Sit down wherever you are and listen to the wind that is singing in your veins. Feel the love, the longing, and the fear in your bones.

Open your heart to who you are, right now, not who you would like to be. Not the saint you’re striving to become, but the being right here before you, inside you, the sinner, the imperfect, the impermanent.

All of you is holy. All of you exists by divine design. You’re already more and less than whatever you can know.

Breathe out, look in, then let go....

Ah...

to be held by the light,

to be a tree drinking the rain...

Let go of the idea of what is normal, dear friends, and go live your life the way you really want to live it....