#self analysis

Then I realized I pamper them with power. Especially with Starscream, as we all know he would LOVE that.

The confessions of someone who judges like God and hides like Satan.

Do you want to know the truth? The exact thought that keeps me paralyzed in my own life.

I think I am a bad person cosplaying as a good one, maybe the only person I’ve manipulated is myself. Unable to disprove whether thoughts and actions can truly be separated. And if I were judged solely on my thoughts instead of my actions, where would I be placed?

Because the thing is, I will seldom say my harsh thoughts aloud, I will never ring my judgments in your ear, and rarely will I choose to chastise a person even when wronged. In my mind, there are only ever two possibilities: either believing that you’ve misunderstood me or that I’ve misunderstood you. Either option allows me to believe in second chances and never burning a bridge that you may need to cross in the future.

However, if you judged me solely on my thoughts, you would probably find me quite vicious, and chances are you would find me in a lake of fire surrounded by the ashes of those said bridges.

Sadly, I don’t seem to possess as soft a mind as my words. From the moment you walked into the room, I have analyzed you. Body language, the speed and tone in which you speak, the way you fidget when you assume no one notices, or even how your walk changes depending on your mood. Chances are, I’ve noticed, formed opinions, and you still don’t even know my name.

In my mind, you have been tried, judged, and executed, all while I smile and ask you about your biggest dreams in life.

Yet, who am I to be the judge of others? Perhaps that is why I doubt every judgment that floods my mind.

You will appear to me as a devil, in my mind I will condemn you as one, and yet I will still speak to you as a god and treat you as a blessing, because who am I to pass that judgment?

So does it make me kind to not act on my judgments, or does it make me unkind that I once treated villains as heroes, allowing them to continue years of torment against my soul?

Perhaps it simply makes me foolish, being so distrustful of my own intuition, because I hold an arbitrary belief that those who have been miscast themselves must offer others a greater understanding.

Maybe kindergarten taught me too early, “if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all,” and my young, naive heart took it as gospel.

But I can’t help but think back to all the times I saw someone for who they were and thought, “Who am I to cast judgment?”, and how many times they proved me right.

My mind was always the thorns, but my words always became petals, and others never offered rain.

PINK FILTER SHDJFBNSBNKDH i don't actually know. i have so many fics. im gonna leave this ask open and go dig thru my solangelo collection specifically rn hold on

OKAY LIKE TWO HOURS LATER (i mean. i was doing my actual work in between. since i am at work.) THE RESULTS ARE:

techinally, i write nico as embarrassed more often than not. BUT the difference is that nico in my fics, generally, is embarrassed by affection generally -- he loves will, and everyone knows, and that embarrasses him, as much as he is determined to make it known. that's why he is equally embarrassed with witnesses and without. he is also more aware of affection and intimacy and notices it more than will does, as his is measured. also, notably, nico is embarrassed by his own affection as much as will's affection, explaining why he so rarely 'should' be embarrassed.

will, though, is much less aware of how affectionate he is (thus how often he SHOULD be embarrassed but rarely is).  he is affectionate and intimate with nico as he is with all he loves -- this is why he is rarely (half as many times) as embarrassed when there are witnesses about. HOWEVER, when will is embarrassed by affection, he is DEEPLY embarrassed because he is unused to being embarrassed in this way. affection is not embarrassing to him. so, often in private, when nico is intimate with him, it startles him -- he is very aware of it and suddenly forced to be very aware of his own reaction, in a way he does not usually have to be. will is more embarrassed by the act of receiving affection than he is of people witnessing it, which is attributed to the differing ways nico and will value themselves: nico, who has pretty high self-worth but is nervous about how others perceive him, is embarrassed by other people witnessing his intimacy (he is also a more private person generally) vs. will, who has very low self worth and who is shocked and embarrassed when he must acknowledge nico wants to be intimate with him (and he therefore has qualities that are worth affection and intimacy, outside of his work).

thank u for bringing this up actually. i had no idea i characterized them this way, but when i started looking there was a very clear pattern in my work. interesting!

stats and links below the cut.

That’s where self-analysis comes in... it’s just a fancy word for looking inside your own mind. It means taking a quiet moment to think about your thoughts, feelings, and the reasons behind what you do. Instead of searching for answers from everyone else, you learn to listen to yourself. It’s like talking to your heart and asking, “Hey, what’s really going on in there?”

When you do this, you start to understand who you are, what matters to you, and what makes you feel calm, happy, or strong. It’s a little bit like discovering your own secret map... one that helps you know yourself better every day.

this is a quick chart to illustrate how confident am i in drawing each wir character in procreate

this is also a graph that illustrates how consistent am i in drawing each character

1 = lowest confidence/consistency

5 = highest confidence/consistency

Psycho le Cému - Self Analysis (Second Press)

ERBT-1504