#self inquiry

I came up with something interesting. Well, I mean, an interesting way of looking at the same idea:

So there's a “desire” for a thing, right? For example, let's say a trillion dollars. And right now, poverty is appearing.

That “desire” is appearing right now as part of all the appearances that are appearing, right now.

So what you are “desiring” is a thing that's actually appearing right now! In other words, you are “desiring” the “trillion dollars” which is appearing right now along with the “poverty” you don't like. In other words, this desire for a “trillion dollars” is actually part of the poverty you are trying to escape from!

So in other words, desiring the “trillion dollars” which isn't appearing, right now is the same as desiring the “poverty” that is appearing, right now, and mistaking this “poverty” for a trillion dollars. You are thus getting exactly what you are “desiring”!

If something “perfect” is appearing, then you wouldn't desire it as it is already appearing.

If something “imperfect” is appearing, then you wouldn't desire it as it is “imperfect”.

Thus, “desires” are absurd!

Desiring something that isn't appearing already is impossible but “desires” only exist because you think there's something other than what's appearing, right now! But that just ends up making it so there's desire for what's already appearing, and thus, what is “desired” is exactly what appears, always!

In other words, you always get what you “desire”! So how come you are complaining? ☺️

The sarcasm aside, what appears is therefore, always “unwanted”! There's nothing else to want.

There's only the appearing that isn't separate from YOU and the authority as to what appears always lies within YOU. And there is no “desire” for anything!

Talking of the witness should not lead to the idea that there is a witness and something else apart from him that he is witnessing.

The witness really means the light that illumines the seer, the seen, and the process of seeing.

Before, during, and after the triads of seer, seen, and seeing, the illumination exists. It alone exists always.

- Ramana Maharshi

There is no one standing apart watching life go by like a spectator.

There is only the light in which the watcher, the watched, and the watching itself all appear.

That light was already there before the seer, the seen, and the seeing arose.

It remains all through their existence, and it remains unmoved even after they dissolve.

You are not the witness standing outside experience.

Source of Reality: Consciousness gives reality to things instead of receiving it from them.

Power of Acceptance: Things exist because they are accepted; stopping this acceptance makes them vanish.

Role of Desire and Fear: Thinking with desire or fear makes objects appear real, while watching without emotion removes their substance.

is it the body that is aware?

is it the mind that is aware?

what IS aware?

is the mind, body, identity, emotions, ‘my’ past, ‘my’ story, mine? or are they just thoughts and ideas arising in this moment? in the same field of awareness? what are they arising in?

if there’s a perception of these things, of (your name), what am i? am i always this? am i always aware? am i this when thoughts, identity, emotions, etc arise again? is the awareness of these things not always present?

Do you ever feel like you’re stuck in a game you never consented to play?

Every moment you fail to question the game is your consent.

But wanting the game to improve isn’t the same as questioning it. That just tightens the chains. 

No one seeks escape from a prison that still fascinates them. Freedom begins the moment you lose your taste for it.

There are experiences I’ve dreamed about for years that recently happened to someone else in what I’d call my current reality. I’m genuinely happy for them, but I also feel incredibly jealous because it feels like they’re living the life I wanted. I know I could script or shift to a reality where I’m the one who experiences those things first, but then my mind says, “It still won’t be authentic because you know someone else already experienced it in your original reality.”I know this sounds contradictory because if realities are truly infinite and there’s no privileged “default reality,” then why does this current one feel more real or more valid than any other? Why do I feel like experiences only truly count if they happen here first?

Has anyone else struggled with this feeling? If so, how did you move past the idea that your current reality is somehow the “real” one, even when you understand the philosophy behind non-duality and shifting?

i think what you’re describing is actually really common, even among people who intellectually understand non-duality or shifting.

from what you’ve said, it doesn’t sound like the problem is that someone else had the experience. it sounds like your mind has unconsciously given this reality a special status.

if someone experiences something in what you consider your “current reality,” your mind treats it as more real, more valid, or more authentic than if the same thing happened somewhere else.

the question i would ask is: why? what makes this reality more legitimate than any other?

most people answer this by saying, “because this is the one i’m experiencing right now.” but if we’re being honest, every reality would feel like the current reality while you’re experiencing it.

that’s why i think this issue goes deeper than shifting. it touches on how we assign value.

for example, imagine you had the exact experience you’ve always wanted. same emotions, same memories, same meaning, same impact. would it suddenly become less authentic simply because your mind knows someone else experienced something similar somewhere else?

if so, then the problem isn’t really authenticity. it’s comparison.

and comparison is endless.

there will always be someone who did something first, achieved something sooner, had a different version of the experience, or lived a life that looks better from the outside.

personally, i think the feeling starts to loosen when you stop treating experience like a competition for originality.

because no experience is ever truly duplicated. even if two people appear to experience the “same” thing, they don’t experience it in the same way.

the meaning, context, emotions, and perspective are completely unique.

so rather than asking whether an experience is authentic because it happened here first, i’d ask whether authenticity actually comes from being first at all.

The fear is simply because you are not living with life, you are living in your mind. Your fear is always about what's going to happen next. It is always about that which does not exist. It is 100% imaginary. If you are suffering the non-existential we call that insanity.