#saudade

i’ve never been a particularly religious person, but oh, mike… you make me wanna believe there’s a heaven. because i can’t imagine a place more fitting for someone who spent so much of his life trying to make this world a little kinder.

you make me want to be gentler. braver. more hopeful. softer. you make me believe that goodness is never wasted; that even in the face of so much pain, love can outlive it.

it’s strange to grieve someone i’ve never met. stranger to miss you as much as i do.

i wish the world had been gentler with you. kinder. i wish more people had seen your heart the way so many of us do.

i’ve spent most of my life not knowing what i believe happens after we’re gone. but then i think of you, and i realize i need heaven to exist. i need to believe there’s somewhere you’ve been embraced instead of judged, understood instead of misunderstood, loved without conditions or expectations. i need to believe you’ve finally found the peace this world never quite gave you.

so yes, for you, i believe in it.

thank you for every song, every smile, every lesson you left behind. thank you for reminding me that kindness matters, that love is always worth choosing, and that there’s still beauty in believing in people.

before i go, there’s something that’s been on my mind on this particular day. a word in my native language. it’s called saudade.

people often translate it as ‘i miss you’ but that barely scratches the surface. saudade feels like love that refuses to disappear. it’s the warmth of beautiful memories living beside the ache of absence. it’s carrying someone with you, even when they’re no longer here. it’s grief, gratitude, tenderness and longing, all existing simultaneously. it’s proof that love doesn’t end just because someone is gone.

there isn’t a word quite like it in any other language i know. and i don’t think i’ll ever find a better way to describe what i feel. that’s what you are to me: saudade.

i’ll cherish and carry you with me forever, angelface.

i hope you’re at peace.