Jan 11, 2023
Why am I always left wondering
Why can't people just tell me what I've done wrong
Why can't they just tell me how to fix myself
Why do you push me away
Why?
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Why am I always left wondering
Why can't people just tell me what I've done wrong
Why can't they just tell me how to fix myself
Why do you push me away
Why?
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For a little while I have been feeling like these emotions lately sadness, tired, anger and jealously and yikes itās scary to think of these all together. But I have a lot going on in my life right now because I have so much to worry about and yeah sure people say to me āhey itās ok gonna be ok or hey things will get better.ā I try to stay positive or think good things but I feel like a lot of bad shit happens to me. People say it will get better so yeah but FUCKING WHEN?! I dealt with this shit for long enough and shit and Iām tired of these feelings and I want to be gone. Iām very sorry for the people I have bothered or annoyed because I tend to get annoying a lot or bother a lot of people or drive them away. If I ever did that to you Iām very sorry if Iām a bother to any of you itās just I get lonely and I love to talk to people but I tend to come off to strongly or come off as weird and again Iām sorry for this sad rant and no this isnāt for attention I just wanted to get it out and I want bother anyone anymore I will just not message anyone anymore. I just will not message anyone first or anything. So sorry again guys šš¢
uh yeah so. vent. sad sad vent. about breakup. warning
i am venting. on main. not like i have any other tumblr accounts. i am emotionally distraught. i am in love. deeply, deeply in love. with someone who doesn't love me back anymore. and it hurts so goddamn bad. so bad. the almost five months we spent together was like a dream to me. it was surreal. the guy i've had feelings for since at least march of 2020 liked me back. and i was happy. so happy. so head over heels in love. i felt brand new. like, any and all damage from my past had just disappeared. i felt safe, loved, and cherished. every moment was magic. every moment i cherish, even though it now hurts to remember. we talked about a future together. we talked about having a child. we talked about what kind of pets we were gonna get and what we would name them. we talked about getting married. he even knew what stone he'd get in my engagement ring. i love him more than i've ever loved anyone or anything before in my life. my soul feels broken, like part of it is missing. i'd do anything to get back what we had. i don't know what happened. he said it was nothing on my part, that it was all him. and he said i was amazing to him, and that he didn't deserve me, and that i deserve better. but god that hurts. because i don't deserve him. and i don't deserve anything nearly as good as he was to me. i've never felt anything as painful and heart-stressing as this. i just wish life would go away, then i wouldn't have to feel like this. skeeter davis worded it better than i ever could. "why does my heart go on beating? why do these eyes of mine cry? don't they know it's the end of the world, it ended when you said goodbye."
vent: im so tired of feeling this way. i want to come out to my family and i want them to be okay with who i am but i know that won't happen. i know my family won't respect me or even want anything to do with me if i come out but im tired of living as (deadname) im ready to come out and live fully and happily as zion. i have been wanting to come out for so long and have pushed it off because of the things my family says about trans* people and about the idea of me being me trans*. my mom told me that if i am trans* she doesn't want anything to do with me and it hurts so bad because i love my mom so much but clearly she doesn't love me enough. she doesn't want me to be happy. i know that if i come out to my family i won't have anywhere to go after that because i know my mom will kick me out. im just so damn sad and i see everyone else coming out to their families and being accepted and i want that to be me but i know that won't happen.
10th Day of SAdventĀ āRound the World
Word of the Day: te oto. Maori forĀ āsadness.ā
Charity of the Week: The Empowerment Plan
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8th Day of SAdvent: A Visit to the Sadness Shed
Sadness Tree VI: The Un-Tree, rests upon a dirty tarp under the watchful eye of Charger, the official busted rocking horse of SAdvent.
A somber reminder of Death and the End of the World, it will remain here until Christmas Eve (as mandated by the court of Judge John @hodgman.)
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