#regretcore

we convince ourselves there are no villains nor saints until we hold on to the wrong ropes love the wrong people and neglect those who condense for our rains stay out of the shade, we run into the sun scald and gray, for all the wrong people in all the right ways all the right people, driven away.

i didn't wish you happy birthday this year i'd tell myself it's because it's been years. more years of not speaking than years i'd known you. that it's because i treated you terribly, spoke vainly and never cleared out room in my heart for you. i kept putting it off, the pretence of someday was my little white lie. but retrospect is a horrible thing. a spear that reminds me of all that could've been, of how i didn't lose an admirer, but a friend. a friend who almost instilled religion into me, who made me love gothic literature and dystopia, who obsessed over math until i almost liked it and wouldn't have dared to dream until i let them. i know it's too late. the castle has crumbled and my instagram was deactivated for good reason. but every may, i shall sit in the rubble. and never wish you again.