#reference notes

1989 Hair Salon Shopkeeper

-Referencing 1984 cotton shorts romper

-Referencing 1988 outfit

-Referencing ConAir 1980s hair dryers (varying colors)

-Referencing Aqua Net hairspray (first publicly sold late 1950s, renewed big hair trend in the 1980s)

-Referencing Madoka Ayukawa's hair (Kimagure Orange Road) March 1984-September 1987 manga

[photos: a book rack with copies, books, board practice papers, test papers, reference notes and trash from class 1 to 12, me completing my reference work book regarding conflict between prose and poem while listening to BTS and having warm cups of coffee.]

Previous Installments

Introduction, One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve

What Changes in My Fic

Here's the place where I put all my ideas in one place and see what scenes need to happen when to make a story. Normally, I would do this in private but since you have seen all my notes in reviewing Splinter of the Mind's Eye, I figured you guys deserved to see the next step. So first, I'm grabbing my notes from the previous twelve posts.

Cast change: Luke, Mara, and Artoo. Threepio is with Leia who doesn't get stranded on this swamp planet. Mara does need an astromech for her X-Wing so I have to commit to a new character or commit to killing off a droid. Regardless, this adventure will give Mara all kinds of snark when she and Luke end up on Dagobah.

The timeline: I need to move this adventure much closer to the Battle of Yavin to preserve the padawans' inexperience with the Force. Plus the Rebel Alliance suspicions on if Mara has fully defected.

The reason for being there: One of Obi-Wan's complaints in Extrication will be Alliance duties yanking his padawans out of their Jedi training. This could be one of those duties, surveying unexplored and non-colonized worlds for Alliance purposes, and it's Luke and Mara's turn. The beacon is unexpected given their information on Mimban so they approach to investigate, strange energy in the atmosphere fried their ships, and they crash on planet.

I also suspect everything in this chapter can be condensed.

Remember to come back to this book to steal Threepio and Artoo insults. I had a time creating them for Star Wars: My Home Is You, so I need more examples.

In an effort to get on with this project, I'm going with they crashed a roughly two-day hike away to the mining outpost and that was far enough away for the Imperials to not notice crashing ships.

Mimbanites' abuse mini-scene is an opportunity to display some growth from Mara. Since she was raised on Coruscant in the Imperial Palace, the only contact she has had with aliens are the ones who have been subjugated as slaves or the ones trying to survive in the ghettoes created on Coruscant. Humans abuse aliens when they can is all she has seen. The equality in the Rebel Alliance ranks is a cultural shock she is soldiering through in her endearing Mara way (which probably isn't helping her reputation any), but Luke's reaction to the abuse puts her perspective in a different light. Actually that may be the best way to sum up their relationship. It gives Luke's empathy something to play off without making Mara callous, like the scene currently does with Leia.

Luke and Mara's cover story won't involve slavery.

Threatening miners will be threatening without being titillated by a mud-covered Mara.

The miner who loses an eye is unidentified, but I'm willing to say it was the double-bladed stilettos everywhere miner.

Grammel's interrogation technique is to beat up the weaker of the pair. Just how well would this work against Mara Jade? I mean, she'll take a beating to sell her cover story or get her where she needs to go, but really does she have to take it from Grammel? Or can she lash back?

Luke's lightsaber does draw Grammel's notice, which gives Mara the observation that he needs to find a better hiding place for it, and leads to Artoo's flare launcher getting modified.

Luke's lightsaber is what gets them booted up the chain of command here. I don't know if it needs to be in what I write. It depends on whether I write from Grammel's POV or not and I haven't decided.

Star Wars: The Essential Guide to Alien Species by Ann Margaret Lewis had a better reason for Luke knowing Yuzz: a Yuzzem lived in Anchorhead and Luke made friends with him. This is the backstory reason I'm going with rather than "I studied a lot of worlds back on Tatooine" reason Foster came up with.

Hin and Kee's backstory won't change much except I'm going with option three: alien trafficking. These two Yuzzem kids were approached and promised a well paying job, a chance to send credits back home which probably isn't doing so great under Imperial rule. Then they get to Mimban and they are paid, but everything is being docked from their paychecks. The flight to Mimban, their return flight home whenever they fulfill their contract, food, lodging, any equipment they break because it's designed for humans not Yuzzem until there is nothing left to save. They are free to leave once their contract is fulfilled or they pay to get out of it. Hah, hah, you can't pay. There you go, exploitation without slavery.

I have to decide on Puddra's rank, but I'm making him the ranking officer over the prisoners like a warden.

Overall, the prison break is decent, if a bit talky in spots. My problem is there would be less for Halla to do because Luke and Mara both are in training and levitating the tray should occur to them without outside prompting. Also, I'm not sure this qualifies as the midpoint but I'm putting it there unless a later scene makes a more compelling case.

This chapter is continuation of the escape and a reaction to it, so I don't see much of it changing. I'm a fan of Hin and Kee dismembering stormtroopers and Halla being a bad-ass.

But we know lightsabers don't need recharging, so I don't have to bother with that.

Frangi (@teagrl) introduced me to a new term last night: Grudgewriting. The way I understand it is you at least found the premise of the story to have some worth but the execution of that premise pissed you off enough to respond via fic. I was categorizing this under the Fix Fic trope but recognize that doesn't cover the sheer anger the canon work caused by its existence.

I don't know if I need hard numbers on the Imperial forces. I do have the feeling that this is information Mara would seek to gather for Rebellion Intelligence, but I have no idea what to put in Google to start the search for realistic numbers. "How many soldiers do you need to occupy a civilian population?"

I'll probably keep in the wandrella chase, it's not too bad for a complication. But Hin or Kee is picking up Threepio as they flee the thing. Do I want to keep its pathetic death? It's kind of sad that our protagonists don't do anything to defeat it. But it does set them onto a new path.

Showing better trauma victim support: Mara's trauma is so different from Leia and with the bond between her and Luke, I don't see this conversation even having the massive misstep of Luke making it all about him. What will they talk about during this hike?

Lumas will be changed to glow rods. And do a better job with explaining where the equipment comes from.

I want a line from Mara about how bad they are at keeping watch when they wake up.

The underground lake is a good opportunity to touch on what swimming lessons the Alliance has given Luke.

The lightsaber effects the lake monster. Unless it doesn't for the same reason lightsabers don't seem to boil water. Research this.

My revision of the after lake monster fight: Luke's clingy because oh-crap-I-could've-drowned! reaction has kicked in and Mara has pulled him back onboard. Mara discovers she's not opposed to clingy or more accurately hugging with Luke.

Mara's getting the Canu's judgment fight. She's better at hand-to-hand combat and didn't almost drown fighting a lake monster several hours ago. Let's add in that she's having trouble with levitation. She tried it with her droid that sank into the quickclay and couldn't, so grappling with the rock unlocks it for her.

Concentrates versus ration bars: I think I'm bringing back ration bars. There's just something too Jetsons Space Age about one pill keeping you fed for several hours, even though I appreciate the work Foster put into creating them.

The art comparison is a perfect one for Mara to make. Raised in the Imperial Court in the heart of Coruscant, trained in dance as her cover but it and music for dancing were probably the one fun thing she was allowed once her training began in earnest, she has the technical expertise and the Force Sensitivity to figure out what is different between the Coways' dance and the Imperial ballet corps. She wants to dance with the Coway to combine their moves with the ones she was taught. Will she get the chance? Will she take the chance?

Vader or not to Vader: To be honest, I had thought about leaving Vader out of my version of this story despite his pose on the cover art. [IMAGE HERE] Grammel is the big bad at the beginning, so I was considering ways he could continue being the big bad all the way through. Or if he absolutely couldn't, make concrete the more Emperor's Hands with a new character taking Vader's spot to get rid of Luke Skywalker once and for all. But since Foster neglected to give Vader his proper due, I'm back to wanting him. And it will do Anakin some good to be rejected by Luke three times in the series. Trust me.

If anybody knows how to build a booby trap with Imperial weapons, it's Mara. Luke wanders off to be dejected he can't stop the massacre and she does something useful like get them fully charged weapons and tell the Coway what to do with the rest.

Halla muscles her way into the driver seat since she's the one who knows Mimban the best, with the same driving results.

Needless to say, Vader's conversational gambits are changing. He's not ready to reveal who he is to Luke yet (I'm saving that fun for Bespin of course) and Mara's there and of course, she's there to kill Luke again.

The Kaiburr crystal gives Padmé's ghost enough energy to show up to Luke, Mara, and Vader. Luke pulls down part of the temple to keep Vader from killing Mara and has a talk with Padmé, asking if she's an angel. Hin and Kee are not both going to die. But Vader's shuttle will end up at the temple, piloted by one of his Noghri honor guards, and our good guys are going to steal it to get off Mimban. So there will be a new conclusion scene when Leia and Obi-Wan come to pick them up.

My second step is to fill out the expected scenes in bold. This outline started with a worksheet from Larry Brooks (storyfix.com) and I have been adding details from K.M. Weiland's techniques (Helping Writers Become Authors). These are the scenes that must be there for the plot to make sense. I don't worry about the blank numbers in between. As I work on the third step, I will fill in the scenes between the expected scenes evenly so the math works out (at least closer than Foster's finished product did).

The third step is to answer the Questions to Ask to Figure Out the Beats that is under the blank outline. Usually, I don't fill this out while I'm outlining but the way the published novel has beaten me up, I'd rather take the time now to make sure what I picked works before I write the narrative. Also since I want to shorten my version, my plan is to drop some scenes.

My fourth step is to even out the sections and delete all the blank numbers in my outline. Now I'm checking how many scenes are between my plot points. Five scenes before 1st Plot Point, four scenes between 1st Plot Point and the Midpoint, six scenes between the Midpoint and the 3rd Plot Point, and eight scenes after the 3rd Plot Point. OOPS! I left out a scene between the 1st Plot Point and the Midpoint: Grammel and the prisoners conversation through the cell bars. So now I have Five scenes before 1st Plot Point, five scenes between 1st Plot Point and the Midpoint, six scenes between the Midpoint and the 3rd Plot Point, and eight scenes after the 3rd Plot Point. And it's only five scenes between the 3rd Plot Point and the Climactic Moment, so I don't feel the second half is uneven.

So now if you want here's the Mission on Mimban Beat Sheet:

Part 1 – Set up:

Hook = Discovering the broadcasting beacon and an energy discharge in the atmosphere causes both Luke and Mara’s X-Wings to crash.

Luke and Artoo find Mara. Her astromech sunk in the quickclay and she couldn’t save it by levitating it with the Force since her levitation isn’t working. She treats the cut on Luke’s head.

Hiking and then camping. Mara has snark about easy assignment and fun exploring more planets Luke promised her. Luke insists that’s what Wedge told him. Talk around the campfire leads to romantic interest (Mara’s in Luke’s head she knows how much he loved Biggs.) Luke is bisexual, Wedge is heterosexual, Mara is scary. Luke: “You give off a vibe that you’ll tear out anyone’s throat for saying hello.” Mara: “I would not. You and Master Obi-Wan would not approve.” Mara is uncomfortable with sharing snuggles, thinking it is more intimate than they are. Luke explains he and Biggs did the same to stay warm on Tatooine.

Inciting Event at 1/8 or 12% of word count = Luke and Mara discover the Imperial mining town and that the Empire is secretly and illegally mining on Mimban.

They infiltrate the tavern for some real food, see how the Mimbanites are treated, and draw Imperial curiosity. Luke’s cover story: Mara is his Holo Domestic Partner and Mara adds a personal sob story. The Imperial leaves them alone.

1st Plot Point at 2/8 or 25% of word count = Luke and Mara make a deal with Halla to help her find the Kaiburr crystal in exchange for Halla’s help in getting them off planet.

Part 2 – Response:

A group of drunk miners are intent on assaulting Mara, Luke and Mara are intent on preventing that, and a fight breaks out. Halla finds Artoo as she sneaks away and Imperial stormtroopers round up everyone for Grammel to punish.

Pinch Point at 3/8 of word count = Luke and Mara meet Grammel and are imprisoned while their second cover story is investigated.

Luke and Mara are thrown into a cell with a pair of Yuzzem, Hin and Kee. Mara is alarmed, but Luke knows how to say hello in Yuzz and makes friends.

Grammel contacts Governor Essada over the lightsaber. Essada is sending it to the Imperial specialist’s attention and Grammel needs to keep the pair in custody until a decision is made about them. Grammel then hurries down to the prison level to check on things.

Grammel charges into the cell block and is relieved that the Yuzzem have not killed Luke and Mara. Then he threatens them trying to learn what’s so special about them.

Mid-Point Shift at 4/8 or 50% of word count = Prison escape. A good time to show how weak Mara’s levitation skill is with the tray. They underestimated the blood thirst of the Yuzzem.

Part 3 – Attack:

Luke sees his lightsaber on Grammel’s belt before sending the charges down that hallway and grabs it back with the Force. They blow their way out of the Imperial headquarters and steal the crawler. Information exchange while they keep moving at a slower pace.

Pinch Point at 5/8 of word count = Vader arrives on Mimban and meets Grammel. Vader is not impressed, but is oddly proud of the Rebel who orchestrated the prison break.

Cover the wandrella chase and underground hike with exposition and start the scene with the underground lake travel. Luke fights the lake monster.

They land and are attacked by the Coway. They win and chase after the last one, only to find their captured party in the Coway village.

Mara fights to the Coway champion for Canu’s judgment. She wins by finally harnessing levitation to hit the Coway in the head with a rock.

All is Lost Lull = Coway feast ends with the realization Vader and stormtroopers are coming

Part 4 – Resolution:

3rd Plot Point at 6/8 or 75% of word count = Battle between the Coway and the Imperials

Aftermath of the battle, liberating transportation from the Imperials, and racing to the temple.

Vader kills Grammel.

They arrive at the Temple of Pomojema, apparently first, and have to fight off a lizard monster. Luke defeats the monster, but his arm is broken by rock pulled by the lizard monster. Then he gets trapped by the falling ceiling.

Vader’s entrance, Vader fights Mara. Halla and Hin go for the crystal. Kee tries to help Mara with Vader and Mara is able to deflect Vader’s killing blow so Kee loses his arm instead. Vader gives her the gash down the leg.

Halla and Hin come back to Luke and Kee, and Hin pulls the stone off Luke. Vader offers to spare Mara’s life if Luke surrenders to him. Halla gives Luke the Kaiburr crystal.

Climactic Moment at 7/8 or 98% of word count = Luke powered by the Kaiburr crystal pulls part of the temple down on Vader and talks to Padmé.

Vader’s Noghri Honor Guard brings Vader’s shuttle to the temple, so they steal it. They clean up and treat the wounds as they flee in hyperspace. Halla notes that the Kaiburr crystal is no longer magical.

Obi-Wan’s POV: The Falcon lands in the Nanth’ri system to pick up Luke and Mara with Obi-Wan and Leia both on board. They are battered and burned and have the Kaiburr crystal and two Yuzzem with them, one down an arm. Obi-Wan tells them they’re learning healing techniques next as they get them on board. They had exchanged a part of value off of Vader’s shuttle with Halla for the Kaiburr crystal, even though it seems de-powered now. Obi-Wan doesn’t think the stone is suitable for lightsabers and Mara protests cutting it into smaller pieces. Luke agrees with Mara. “It’s not ours. Not really. We’re just keeping it safe until the Empire is gone and we can return it to Mimban.”

Questions to Ask to Figure Out the Beats

What is the conceptual hook/appeal of your story? Rewrite Splinter of the Mind’s Eye to improve it and fit it into the Rescue the Farmboy series

What is the theme(s) of your story? Not completely sure yet, but something to do with the human bigotry against the various alien species. I want to take that aspect of the original book and beat it to death with a hammer.

How does your story open? Luke and Mara arrive at Mimban and discover a beacon broadcasting. They head down to land and the energy discharge causes them to crash.

Is there an immediate hook? Yes, will they survive crashing is a question to keep readers reading.

And then…

What is the hero doing in their life before the first plot point? The assignment was to explore Mimban for potential Rebel Alliance use. Crashing their ships has changed it to finding the beacon and surviving until they can find a way off the planet.

What stakes are established prior to the first plot point? The Empire has established a secret mining facility on Mimban. This makes survival easier (human supplies) and harder (Luke and Mara are both wanted by the Empire).

What is the Inciting Event in your story? Luke and Mara finding the Imperial mining town and realize what is going on here.

What is your character’s backstory? Luke was wanted by the Empire, surrendered to Darth Vader, and was kept a prisoner on the Death Star until he was rescued by his friends. He then blew up the Death Star and saved Mara Jade’s life by finding her after she crashed into Yavin 4. Mara Jade failed to kill Luke Skywalker and would have died for it if not for Luke’s intervention. Her loyalty has transferred to him along with sharing a Force Bond with him. Artoo has finally found Anakin Skywalker’s son that Obi-Wan Kenobi disappeared with eighteen years ago and he is not letting the organic out of his sight again. Even better, Luke is a pilot too. He gets to fly again. This story is set two months after Liberation.

What inner demons show up here that will come to bear on the hero later in the story? What is the lie the character believes? Lie Mara believes: Human are superior. Lie Luke believes: He won’t love anyone else like he loved Biggs.

What is foreshadowed prior to the first plot point? Dealing with the misconceptions Mara has about physical contact and what was between Luke and Biggs come up while they make camp after crashing. Mara sees nothing wrong with how the Mimbanites are treated.

What is the first plot point in your story? Luke and Mara make a deal with Halla to help her get the Kaiburr crystal in exchange for her helping get them off Mimban.

Is it located properly within the story sequence? Yes.

How does it change the hero’s agenda going forward? It seems like a minor diversion to earn them good will of a local who can help them escape Mimban without Imperial reprisal. And that the Kaiburr crystal seems to affect the Force is a good reason to keep it out of Imperial hands.

What is the nature of the hero’s new need/quest? Treasure hunt!

What is at stake relative to meeting that need? Luke and Mara being identified by the Imperials and probably executed.

What opposes the hero in meeting that need? The Imperial forces on Mimban led by Captain-Supervisor Grammel.

What does the antagonistic force have at stake? Losing the secrecy over the mining operation on Mimban (if the local system government finds out, it could change the amount of Imperial resources spent to extract the ore). Losing control over the criminals who have been pressed into mining service.

Why will the reader empathize with the hero at this point? Grammel is horrible, physically violent and threatens torture to get what he wants. And he sees through Luke and Mara’s cover stories.

How does the hero respond to the antagonistic force? Luke lies and lies some more, while trying to protect Mara from Grammel and protect Grammel from Mara. Then he makes allies with the Yuzzem.

What is the mid-point contextual shift/twist in your story? The prison break is when Luke and Mara take charge of their fates. They have no plans to be here when Grammel finds out they are not criminals from Circarpous, so time to use what Jedi skills they have learned to get out.

How does it part the curtain of superior knowledge…

… For the hero? Keeping the Yuzzem under control; neither Luke nor Mara thought that would be a problem. More Luke than Mara, she’s fine with killing off the enemy that would chase them.

and/or, for the reader? Readers will see Mara’s weak levitation skills in action when Luke has to grab the tray mentally.

How does this shift the context of the story? The treasure hunt to reach the Kaiburr crystal and leave Mimban before the Imperial forces regroup is on.

How does this pump up dramatic tension and pace? The prison break ends up blowing up the Imperial headquarters.

How does your hero begin to successfully attack their need/quest? They steal a crawler (or a repulsorlift vehicle) and follow the map toward the Temple of Pomojema.

How does the antagonistic force respond to this attack? The Imperial forces have to lick their wounds and figure out how to track the escapees through the jungles. And then Grammel has to greet Lord Vader. Lord Vader is so not impressed with the Imperial forces, though, oddly enough he’s a bit proud of the prison break.

How do the hero’s inner demons come to bear on this attack?

What is the all-is-lost lull just before the third plot point? The Coway feast ends with the realization that Vader is leading the Imperials straight to them.

What is the third plot point in your story? The Coway successfully beat back the Imperials, but Vader and Grammel get away to get the Kaiburr crystal first. Vader’s reasoning is if Luke is after it, Luke will come to Vader to get it.

How does this change or affect the hero’s proactive role? Luke is determined to get the Kaiburr crystal and get off planet before Vader takes him prisoner again.

How is your hero the primary catalyst for the successful resolution of the central problem or issue in this story? Vader offers to spare Mara if Luke joins him. Luke refuses. Halla gives the Kaiburr crystal to Luke and with the amplified Force, Luke pushes Vader back where the lizard came from and drops more ceiling between him and Mara. Padmé appears and gets to talk to Luke. They steal Vader’s shuttle and leave Vader’s Noghri honor guard to dig him out.

How does it meet the hero’s need and fulfill the quest? They get the Kaiburr crystal, so the treasure hunt is won. And Vader’s wailing on Mara makes both Vader and Luke realize he cares more than just friendship.

How does the hero demonstrate the conquering of inner demons? Mara defeats her lie by protecting the Yuzzem. Luke rescues Mara.

How are the stakes of the story paid off? They’re beat up to hell and back, but they survived and got off Mimban. And the Empire didn’t get the Kaiburr crystal or Luke. And Leia and Han both drop their suspicions about Mara.

What will be the reader’s emotional experience as the story concludes? Relief that they made it out of the adventure. And eager to see what happens next.

If you opened my link to the blank beat sheet, you may have noticed I skipped the beginning details when I just quoted the Mission on Mimban Beat Sheet. That's because my fifth step is to figure out my Comprehensive Concept. This is a tool I was introduced to by Todd A. Stone in Novelist's Boot Camp.

A comprehensive concept is a foundation builder. It is a short statement that combines the following four essential elements to form a strong base for your complex novel: (1) genre, (2) main character, (3) opposition, and (4) macro setting.

I have added a fifth element, the conflict, but I'm not sure where I pulled that from. Maybe Larry Brooks, or maybe Shawn Coyne's Story Grid. What I have found over the years is that sentences makes a great summary that FanFiction.Net and Ao3 both ask for to describe your fic.

So for this story, I came up with this list.

Genre: Action-adventure fanfic

Opposition: the Empire

Main Characters: Luke Skywalker and Mara Jade

Macro Setting: Star Wars, Mimban

Conflict: beat the Imperials to the mystical object

Now you meld these five items into a sentence that describes the story. I ended up with: In this action-adventure fanfic, Luke Skywalker and Mara Jade’s exploration of Mimban is derailed by the unexpected Imperial presence on the planet and their way off-planet depends on finding the Kaiburr crystal before the Imperials do.

That's done and I'm prepared to start on the narrative. You may have noticed I skipped over filling in the theme(s). I have an idea, especially considering the human bigotry of this story, but I generally wait to see what develops and then find it to punch it up during the editing.

1989 Retro Gaming Shopkeeper

-Referencing Alyssa Milano and Yu Hayami 80s clothing examples

-Referencing Susan Sommers (Venus Wars) July 1985-December 1985 animation

-Referencing Cutie Honey's hair (Cutie Honey) (first animation October 1973-March 1974)

-Referencing 1-UP Heart (Super Mario Land 1989)

-Using Vulcan Salute (Star Trek) First appeared in 1967

-Acid Wash jeans were a style in the early 80s

-Using oversized ombre-colored plastic frame glasses (70s)

1989 Konbini Shopkeepers

-Referencing Konbini in Japan FamilyMart 1973, 7-Eleven 1974, Lawson 1975

-Bringing back one shop concept, SunShine

Manager: -Referencing Shiori Shimazu (Kimagure Orange Road) April 1987-March 1988 animation

-Bringing back Cashier-tan a second time; first is the twins concept, now this is their mom Manager, newlywed, one-two months pregnant

1989 Gift Shopkeeper

-Referencing Gothic Lolita fashion, luckily it did come along in the late 80s-early 90s

-Referencing Toshiba Walky 1987 advertisement

-Referencing Ai Amano (Video Girl Ai)

Dec. 1989-April 1992 manga ; March 1992-August 1992 animation

-Referencing The Five Star Stories