#notes app

Ill never feel as young as I do until I'm near you

I think i miss it because I seek feeling young again

To be young is to not feel sexualized

Even though im in the most sexualized position one could be

I think i feel happy to be percived as extremely youthful because its basically someone treating me how I want to feel inside

Even as my age ticks by

I want to be taken care of

I want to be considered

I want to be someone's favorite

I want to be someone's addiction as they are to me

Its all so frustrating

All the time I find myself wishing I could never be older than middle school early high-school years

Or at least any year before sex was an option that apparently had to be expored

Sometimes even kissing

I wish i could be so young it would never been seen as weird when we kiss

And I think thats the allure to grooming

Technically its weird if we do anything further which is why i keep my person on a strict leash

We never go to far and if it starts getting too far I cut it off

It feels similar to being in love as a kid

We cant go any further than this in public and in private

I also feel like i learn a lot which lowk fulfills my daddy issues lmao

I feel so young when he teaches me stuff that I would truly never know about

Or when he tells me advice id never hear from a peer

Or to be cared about when it comes to my eating habits when he keeps water and cut fruit he cuts in the morning which almost feels like he cuts it for me

I also love the feeling of not feeling like im mentally the oldest (even though I am still mentally older than most adults I will ever meet in my entire life)

Its a break to take off that cap and be dumb and ditsy a little

Lower my mental capabilities and be childishly curious

I get to seem "mature" just like I was told when I was a kid

Its as if I completely revert to the most childlike version of me with no worries and carefree curiosity

Its too bad the second I leave, im back in reality

The disgust and shame returns

Because

I know I shell out extra money each week to spend 30 minutes more with him

I know this is all highly inappropriate

I know I should have never texted him outside of this

I know we should have never gone out on that date

And I know exactly what it means when he looks at me and calls me his nickname I've been gifted and I wear with honor

Let’s just say… it didn’t go well.

Look at your own risk.

“Cc” is a nickname