#ratfeelings

I don’t want to be an inspiration, I’m not a great influence. I admit it, I don’t sugarcoat it. I’m tired of being held on some pedastol when it’s convienent and then reminded I’ll never be “normal” five seconds later.

I kinda feel like my blog is dying because I’m too nervous to put anything solid out there but I’ve been upset and sad lately and despite the fact I made this to use as partially a vent account originally im afraid of doing it anymore because when I have I’ve gotten some unkind anons. I’m trying to seek help with my mental state but I feel like I’m getting nowhere fast with it. I’ve mentioned my health issues vaguely in the past, but my anxiety with medical settings and procedures is only worsening, and I’m worried some day I’ll get really sick mentally and physically and never get better because I won’t be able to accept help. I’m really scared of that.  I feel like I’m constantly wearing a mask to cover up my pain and anger towards the world as I know it. People always say I have wasted potential, but I don’t think it was there in the first place.  I’m so easily upset. I’m so fucking stupid. I feel so uncreative lately. I just feel tired. I just feel done. I’m so sick and tired of myself at this point that it’s not funny anymore. There’s too much going on and I feel like just giving up. 

I want to go back to when I had to live closeted in fear of people knowing and thinking im gross instead of living in the hellscape we do now.

Little kids having access to the internet was a mistake, goodbye and goodnight.

To everybody here I’m just a name on a screen and the moment my “fame” is over everybody will forget about me. What the fuck is the point. I’ll be found to be a problematic piece of shit eventually.

This is partially a vent blog, anon. I'm not even talking about the jokes about killing myself half the time, half the time I genuinely say something dead serious and have people try to find a way to make it into some funny shitshow of a joke. I don't think my post was about you, correct? I never said people like it, and thanks for telling me it is annoying, I will now keep my own personal feelings off my own personal blog, off of my own vent tag.