hi!! sorry if this is something you’ve answered before but i’m curious about your opinion: how explicit do you think paul and john were about their feelings (physical, romantic, etc) with each other and themselves? do you think they ever talked about it or that they only ever talked around it?
Regarding physical affection, if you hear what Paul says about it, you would think that this rarely happened between them. But that doesn't seem to be entirely true. I discussed this on a previous post. Now, on talking about their feeelings... this is a very complex dynamic to pin down, as we get so many mixed clues about it. I think it comes down to this: they talked about their feelings less than they should have, but potentially much more than we think. We know they would allow themselves to be vulnerable around each other, especially John. Paul has shared that he sometimes had to act as John’s "priest", that John would ask him deeply vulnerable questions and express intense insecurities, asking things like, "I worry about how people are going to remember me..." John even told Fred Seaman that being with Paul was his primary source of stability before Yoko came along. We also know from Paul that the Key West incident, where they told each other "I love you," was "one of the few" times they did this. He added that bit on one or two occasions, unlike the rest of the times he talks about it, where he implies it only happened once. And because we've already talked about how much Paul downplays emotional intimacy (especially with men, and with John in particular) we can't say for sure how many times they reached that level of openness. But I think it was highly likely more than once. My impression is that before Key West, their love for each other was heavily implied and mutually understood (by all accounts, they were already intensely close between 1961 and 1963), but they talked around it, until the dam finally broke that night in Florida. After such an intense and open experience, it must have become less difficult for them to share their feelings more directly afterwards. Once you cross a boundary, it's much easier to do it again.
They also wrote emotionally sincere, incredibly vulnerable songs to each other from the very beginning up until John's death. I’m going to operate here under the assumption that you already believe songs like "If I Fell," "In My Life," "Oh! Darling," "Best Friend," "No Words", etc., are about each other. If John did write "If I Fell" for Paul, for example, Paul almost certainly knew it. He loved that song so much that both in 1964 and privately in 2007, he called it his favorite John song. And that’s leaving aside the fact that John wrte the lyrics on a valentine card. IF it was meant to be a genuine gift for Paul, then that's huge. It's a pretty explicit, romantic, and open gesture. If they were comfortable enough to do things like this, then openly saying romantic things to each other mustn't have been something completely taboo. Then you have the lyrics from "No Words," where Paul sings, "I wish you knew just how true my love was," and seemingly codes it in a way that John would know that the message specifically for him, ending the track with: "I wish you'd see it's only me, I love you." We all know how Paul has repeated that "it's only me" anecdote over the years. On one occasions, Paul mentioned that John told him, "I love you," and on another, he recalled John saying, "I'm the same guy you loved in Liverpool." Sometimes Paul says this only happened once, and other times he claims it happened occasionally. Because Paul is so inconsistent and contradictory when retelling emotional anecdotes (like the "night we cried" moment), we don't know which version is the absolute truth or how much he is actively downplaying. But if John really did say those things, it again shows that expressing such affection was not something unheard of between them. John also told Paul that "Jealous Guy" was written about him, which is a massive admission to make to another man given the painfully raw, soul-baring nature of those lyrics. I think they preferred to communicate these profound truths through their songs, knowing the other would understand exactly who the message was for. When it came to speaking about their love out loud, it may have been somewhat more difficult, but I still believe they were more open, on occasion, than most of us assume.
It seems that where they truly struggled to communicate was during times of conflict, especially if the conflict was of deeply emotional roots. They were both very impulsive people who reacted on emotional turmoil rather than thinking things through. During the mess of the late 60s, we have no idea how much they actually talked out. Instead of sitting down to discuss their problems rationally, they acted out, constantly trying to hurt or make each other jealous, which is what I think ultimately soured their relationship. I think this is issue Paul is referring to in "This One" when he sings, "What kind of magic might have worked if we had stayed calm? Couldn't I have given you a better life?" I think the reason so many of Paul’s post-1980 songs dwell on the pain of leaving things unsaid is mostly because of how volatile they were during the 70s and how distant they were throughout the late 70s. During those years, they weren't openly expressing their love outside of the coded messages in their music. When someone close to you dies suddenly after a long period of distance, you are left with the crushing weight of feeling like you should have said more, or made absolutely sure they knew they were loved. The warm, loving memories of the distant past suddenly don't feel like enough anymore; they don't feel like they "count" because the immediate reality before the death was less than ideal. It reminds me of how Paul said that after Linda's death, in the following months, all his brain focused on were the arguments and negative moments between them, and it got to a point that he had to seek psychological help. And this happened to him even though around the time of Linda's death they were not in conflict and were deeply committed to each other.
I do believe that John was generally more emotionally expressive than Paul, who seems much more repressed, given how reluctant/awkward he sounds when he tries to talk about emotional male intimacy or affection in interviews. But still, I think they still shared plenty of profoundly vulnerable moments in the 60s and talked openly on occasions about their feelings (though we have no way of knowing how often). And looking at that Days We Left Behind verse, where Paul sings about making a promise to John that he is still keeping to this day, it's clear that they were entirely capable of verbalizing serious, lifelong emotional commitments to one another. Whatever they promised each other was evidently not trivial, nor does it seem to have been something merely implied or left unspoken. Paul presents it as an explicit pact, one that, decades later, he still feels bound to honor. If they were truly incapable of discussing their feelings with one another, or if such conversations were completely taboo between them, then what Paul is expressing in that verse becomes rather difficult to explain. At the very least, it suggests that John and Paul were capable of putting some of their deepest feelings and commitments into words, even if they weren't always comfortable doing so.
