Hey, so iām questioning, and am hoping for some advice.
I think iām somewhere along the lines of cupioro and romance neutral
Iāve been in what i thought was love before⦠I was in a two year relationship with this guy and I really did care about him, like a lot. So it hurt like hell when he broke up with me, but looking back at how I really felt after the breakup and even during the relationship has me questioning a lot more about myself.
even though it hurt me that we broke up in a relationship aspect, I was more worried about losing him as a friend since we had been so close.
Platonic love? maybe thatās all i can feel. maybe I did love him but only platonically?
I was also mainly just worried about being alone and never finding someone else. which brings me to the idea of being cupioro, but then again maybe Iām just bad at love?
Looking back though, I never really felt anything for him romantically. And whenever I would think of cutesy romantic things with him in my mind, it always felt like I was watching from third person and couldnāt actually feel any of it. Again⦠cupioro? or something else?
Hereās the other thing tho, I love the idea of love. Love songs, romantic movies, fanfics, exc. I love them, and i want to experience it in my own life, but itās almost like iām physically incapable of romantic love, or feeling it. I know from everything I read/watch/listen to what iām supposed to do and how iām supposed to feel, and iāve been living my life basically acting to fit that criteria.
But itās not that i canāt love, bc i can love platonically so hard. i get attached to my friends so easily, and i am such a propel person over all. so itās not that iām fully incapable of love either, however itās almost like iām incapable of feeling love. Like when someone shows me love, it doesnāt do anything for me, or it wierds me out. I again, put on that act and respond how iām āsupposed toā but it never feels right.
I have a few friends that are aro/ace so iāve looked into that, but it doesnāt feel right because i crave love and i fear not being loved.
anyways this has turned into a whole rant, iām really just trying to figure myself out
what am i? cupioro? romance neurtral? aro/ace? something else? or just straight with bad love experience?
any advice? iāve been reading litterly everything i can find and so much is so relatable, but i donāt know what to do.
and if i am cupiro or anything else⦠does that mean my past relationships have been fake?
i may not feel attraction but i still care about people and it feels like i can love..? atleats platonically.
this is... a lot to read through and process. I might not be able to give you as detailed an answer as you were hoping for. But I'll try my best.
It definitely does sound like you could be on the aromantic spectrum. You said that you were sad when you broke up with your partner because you saw him as a very close friend, but that looking back you don't think you felt and romantic attraction to him. This is a common experience for arospec people - and to answer your later question, if you are arospec, it absolutely wouldn't mean your past relationships have been fake! Aromantic people can still be in relationships, romantic or otherwise, and you said yourself that you loved him as a friend. Just because it wasn't romantic love, that doesn't invalidate the love you felt for him.
It's also important to note that feeling platonic love doesn't mean you can't be aro. Aromanticism is simply a lack of romantic attraction. There are many other types of attraction and many other ways to love people without it being romantic.
With regards to whether you may be cupio, from what you've said it's definitely a possibility. And you mentioned not wanting to be alone forever - maybe you could experiment with non-romantic relationships, like qprs?
Being romance neutral is a very wide and personal label. There's lots of room for interpretation. If you like the idea of romance but wouldn't want to be in a romantic relationship, you could absolutely use romance neutral to describe that! or even romance favourable if you're feeling daring (@romo-aro-culture-is might be able to help on that account)
At the end of the day, all I can say is go with what feels right (helpful advice, I know). If you're reading resources about being cupio/aro/ace and you find them relatable, if you think "that sounds like me!" then chances are... you are cupio/aro/ace!
I think this is the best I'll be able to give you. I hope it helped a little.