#questioning arospec

I’m questioning arospec of some sort.

Like. Sometimes I think I like girls n enbies. Not guys. I ain’t gay….ish? (also questioning my gender but that’s a whole ‘nother can of worms.) Other time romance in general is blehh. Boring ig. The dumb cheesy romance you see everywhere in movies is a no. That annoys me.

[PT: Large Pixel Size Questioning A-spec Flags]

Questioning Ace-spec ~ Questioning Aro-spec

Questioning Apl-spec ~ Questioning Aqp-spec

Questioning Analt-spec ~ Questioning Asen-spec ~ Questioning Anae-spec

Definition: One who isn’t sure if one is on the a- [attraction type] spectrum or not.

These also go by a-[attraction type]-allo-unsure (ex: ace-allo-unsure).

All flags are 3000x2000 pixels.

well, I don't know of any specific label, but i do know that attraction fading when it's reciprocated/you're in a relationship is something that frayromantic and lithromantic people can experience. And if you desire a romantic relationship, then you might want to look into cupioromantic?

I think i’m somewhere along the lines of cupioro and romance neutral

I’ve been in what i thought was love before… I was in a two year relationship with this guy and I really did care about him, like a lot. So it hurt like hell when he broke up with me, but looking back at how I really felt after the breakup and even during the relationship has me questioning a lot more about myself.

For example:

even though it hurt me that we broke up in a relationship aspect, I was more worried about losing him as a friend since we had been so close.

Platonic love? maybe that’s all i can feel. maybe I did love him but only platonically?

I was also mainly just worried about being alone and never finding someone else. which brings me to the idea of being cupioro, but then again maybe I’m just bad at love?

Looking back though, I never really felt anything for him romantically. And whenever I would think of cutesy romantic things with him in my mind, it always felt like I was watching from third person and couldn’t actually feel any of it. Again… cupioro? or something else?

Here’s the other thing tho, I love the idea of love. Love songs, romantic movies, fanfics, exc. I love them, and i want to experience it in my own life, but it’s almost like i’m physically incapable of romantic love, or feeling it. I know from everything I read/watch/listen to what i’m supposed to do and how i’m supposed to feel, and i’ve been living my life basically acting to fit that criteria.

But it’s not that i can’t love, bc i can love platonically so hard. i get attached to my friends so easily, and i am such a propel person over all. so it’s not that i’m fully incapable of love either, however it’s almost like i’m incapable of feeling love. Like when someone shows me love, it doesn’t do anything for me, or it wierds me out. I again, put on that act and respond how i’m “supposed to” but it never feels right.

I have a few friends that are aro/ace so i’ve looked into that, but it doesn’t feel right because i crave love and i fear not being loved.

anyways this has turned into a whole rant, i’m really just trying to figure myself out

what am i? cupioro? romance neurtral? aro/ace? something else? or just straight with bad love experience?

any advice? i’ve been reading litterly everything i can find and so much is so relatable, but i don’t know what to do.

and if i am cupiro or anything else… does that mean my past relationships have been fake?

i may not feel attraction but i still care about people and it feels like i can love..? atleats platonically.

help!

hey anon!

this is... a lot to read through and process. I might not be able to give you as detailed an answer as you were hoping for. But I'll try my best.

It definitely does sound like you could be on the aromantic spectrum. You said that you were sad when you broke up with your partner because you saw him as a very close friend, but that looking back you don't think you felt and romantic attraction to him. This is a common experience for arospec people - and to answer your later question, if you are arospec, it absolutely wouldn't mean your past relationships have been fake! Aromantic people can still be in relationships, romantic or otherwise, and you said yourself that you loved him as a friend. Just because it wasn't romantic love, that doesn't invalidate the love you felt for him.

It's also important to note that feeling platonic love doesn't mean you can't be aro. Aromanticism is simply a lack of romantic attraction. There are many other types of attraction and many other ways to love people without it being romantic.

With regards to whether you may be cupio, from what you've said it's definitely a possibility. And you mentioned not wanting to be alone forever - maybe you could experiment with non-romantic relationships, like qprs?

Being romance neutral is a very wide and personal label. There's lots of room for interpretation. If you like the idea of romance but wouldn't want to be in a romantic relationship, you could absolutely use romance neutral to describe that! or even romance favourable if you're feeling daring (@romo-aro-culture-is might be able to help on that account)

At the end of the day, all I can say is go with what feels right (helpful advice, I know). If you're reading resources about being cupio/aro/ace and you find them relatable, if you think "that sounds like me!" then chances are... you are cupio/aro/ace!

Dude anyone arospec can use the aromantic flag! The aromantic flag is for anyone aromantic or on the aromantic spectrum :)