#questioning aromantic

Firstly in that amatonormatism is just so wide spread and expected of others. When I assumed I was alloromantic, and saw other alloromantic get into relationships, there was this pressure that you Had to prioritize your romantic relationship over every other relationship in your life EVER. All of your friends, all of your family, your children, co-workers, every single person in your life (oftentimes including yourself) MUST take a back seat to your romantic and sexual partner. And it’s ridiculous because I am also sure that most people don’t actually want that.

When I was in my toxic relationship, I was essentially expected to stop talking to all of my friends. Most of that was just due to the controlling nature of my ex but it was also the expectation from everyone else in my life too. People who weren’t negatively effect by the harmful nature of that relationship distanced, people who didn’t even know what he did to me and didn’t experience my negative outlash from being in that position still left and distanced. Everyone assumes you’re prioritizing them now and they react accordingly. I hated this, and so did many of my friends. But it was just the assumption.

I’m loosing track of my thoughts but my other thought is just that— it’s so expected yet literally no one I know actually wants that. So many people have expressed to me sadness and anger and lonliness when their other important friends got in a relationship and stopped talking to them, I’ve felt and seen other people experience the pain of the pressure to have to stop being as close to their friends as they once were— stop talking, stop engaging, no more touching ever, no more sleeping over, no more intimate private conversations. You seemingly have to forfeit the depth of love for everyone else you have.

I have also had potential partners + people I’ve engaged in more-than-platonic behavior with get visibly weirded out when I prioritize my relationship with my friends. They see it as weird when I tell them there are things I will only tell and do with my friends, that I will never tell them. They get weird when I prioritize my friends over them. They get weird when they see that romance isn’t my priority. This goes even with relationships that it’s been made clear it’s only sexual/platonic but engaging in more actions that are seen as romantic.

Is romantic attraction supposed to be that thing where you look at someone you like and want to talk to them about your large rock collection? Or is it kind of like the thing where you see a fictional character and want to assimilate with their personality and everything to do with them?

which may be a sign...

the other thing that really sets romance apart is its ability to change your perception of a person and of reality surrounding them. it warps your judgement by making you believe perhaps that the object of affection is perfect, or perfect for you, or even just really great and cool, perhaps possessing traits in your perception they don't in reality. it's very subtle about it, so you might not notice at first. and that's just my experience, of course

i hope this isn't too strange a thing to post---i just remembered how i would have loved when i was younger for someone to describe what romance was like. i feel i've done a very incomplete job, but it's something

Happy Aromantic Visibility Day especially those who are Alloaro/Allosexual and Aro-spec who are so underrepresented in media and overlooked in discussions of Aromantic representation. Also Happy Aromantic Visibility Day to those who like me are continually questioning and/or unsure of their romantic orientation especially those of us who are also allosexual and find that to be a barrier in figuring out their romantic orientation. Today is a celebration of all Aromantic people but please keep in mind those of us who are most overlooked in discussions of Aromantic visibility/representation/struggles/etc.

Also on a related note we need to end the culture of demonizing casual, platonic, or otherwise consensual but non-normative sexual and intimate relationships.

Is there supposed to be a difference between liking someone romantically and just wanting to be their bestest friend ever and have sweet lil moments with them?

Like, we would 100% sit on a hill and watch the sunset with all our moots while music plays and stuff. Thats not inherently romantic unless you make it.

I’m questioning arospec of some sort.

Like. Sometimes I think I like girls n enbies. Not guys. I ain’t gay….ish? (also questioning my gender but that’s a whole ‘nother can of worms.) Other time romance in general is blehh. Boring ig. The dumb cheesy romance you see everywhere in movies is a no. That annoys me.

Am I ace? Am I aro? Am I literally just here?

The idea of marriage terrifies and disgusts the fuck out of me

When my ex and I ended things for good, I was relieved. Not because she was a horrible person, I just wasn't happy in a relationship.

I'm perfectly content being single

There is no difference between me saying I love you to a partner and saying I love you to my people. It literally just means you are important to me and I'd do anything for you

I love non romantic/sexual intimacy. I love cuddles and hugs and forehead kisses and naps together but even considering anything outside of that makes me want to vomit. And you're telling me people are out here getting pregnant?????

I absolutely love reading fluffy romances however I cannot imagine myself in the place of one of the main characters like I do with my dystopian or fantasy books.

I skip through sex scenes in shows (this includes implied sex scenes and animated (like hazbin hotel)) and I skip over them in books. I do my best to avoid smut

Sometimes I can handle kissing in my media, however I do have days where I don't want to see/read it. There are days where it absolutely disgusts me

I don't like the act of kissing. I think it's nasty. I did it in one relationship, never making that compromise again. Why is it even a thing.