he jumps from lover to lover

Your life will come to pass freely, gyring into the universe of your thoughts. Close your eyes, and bare your attention thus: Let silence speak, and as it begins, you will wander. Your breath becomes the cycle of your presence, tied to your belly as you inhale and exhale; moment after moment random thoughts arise, akin to the coming of the moon and fading of the sun. So, as death and rebirth in this life is bound.

Rain Lightning Hurricane Earthquake—— All these are just reminders that sometimes when stars go astray the world too, falls apart.

“I told him to choose her and so he did. I saw the way he looked at her. He loved her. I just comforted his doubts and insecurities. I’m upset at him for reasons I shouldn’t be. No one ever fights for me because I don’t allow them to.”

i still bite my nails when i’m nervous. i paint them with polish hoping that it’d revert my mouth from finding comfort in them, but it doesn’t work. it never works. nothing really does stop my anxiety from taking over my body subconsciously. it’s like a reflex. a coping mechanism, and i’m trying to fight it. all of it. the only healthy coping mechanism that i foster is writing and even that doesn’t save me most of the times. it just feels like talking to something that can’t talk back. but maybe that’s good. sometimes i don’t want the feedback. the pity or the fake sorrow from someone. i don’t connect with anything or anyone and it saddens me deeply. but i won’t force my way into anyone’s life just because i feel lonely at times. i won’t become something i’m not just to gain something from the world. if i feel important it’s because i am. not because of the praise i receive for the multiple layers that hide my true interior. my true self. i don’t really see the point in any of this, but i really am trying to seek a revelation instead of waiting to be handed one. tomorrow isn’t promised but it’s the only thing that keeps me going.

he kissed my forehead after another heated argument. i don't know what he thinks that does, but somehow it silences my thoughts. i'm mad and he knows this, and that is why he precedes to kiss down my body, as a way to apologize for all the shit he said. he isn't good with words unless their used with the intention to hurt, but his mouth feels so damn good. the soft, "forgive me" and "i'm so fucking sorry" prompt me into forgiving him. i know this isn't healthy, but he distracts the pain with the way he's touching me. the way he's kissing my skin. i almost forgot what we were arguing about. i almost forgot the things he said. i almost forgot saying i feel like i'm laying in a strangers bed

Be of comfort to anyone. This is your calling. This is your sense of belongingness. To bridge the value and significance of your life. The more you give yourself beyond any expectation gives you triumph. Always be the example of a good heart. Be a gentleman. Be the most handsome. Build your legacy by traversing even to the unknown part of yourself. You will always be charmed and tender. You will be loved by the most gracious. So, don't try hard. Be gentle like a leaf.