#princeharryff

He grinned and leaned forward grabbing my lower lip with his teeth on a gentle nip. I tightened the hold of my legs around his.

He kissed me again, this time his hands slid up to my jaw, steadying my face in place so his mouth could frame mine strongly, his tongue and mine dancing together as our hips moved as one trying to get impossibly closer.

He nibbled my lower lip again, breaking the kiss; I moaned a complaint, feeling his lips grin against my neck. His hands hovered hungrily around my back, then slid down to pull down the fabric on my waist. He leaned back, looking at my body.

"I don't know how to get you out of this thing." He complained, making me chuckle.

I pushed him back so I could jump down from the table. I gave my back to him, moving my hair to the front, pointing to the flap of fabric on my back hiding a zipper. He undid it quickly, pulling my jumpsuit down to my feet in one swift, fast move. He stayed crouched down as he did, his hands held onto my legs and he slid them up slowly, making my entire body shiver.

When they reached my hips, I felt his mouth on my ass, biting it gently as his hands slid to my crotch as he stood up again, his lips grazing my back slowly as he did. One of his hands made their way up across my stomach, touching my belly button up until the area under my breasts, as the other slid further down between my legs, over my underwear.

Breathless, I pressed my hips back into him just as his hand grabbed a firm hold over my breast; I let my head fall back on his shoulder, bringing one arm up to grab a fistful of his hair.  While his other hand rubbed strongly against my cunt, over my underwear, his lips traced down my neck. The feeling of his stubble against my skin, his hands over my body in the exact way I had fantasized about so many times, it made my legs tremble, my breath weaken, my clit pulsate in anticipation.

"Fuck..." I moaned out, weakly.

"Language, Mary." He whispered, his lips on my ear.

"Fuck you." I replied, smiling, tugging on his hair.

In one fast move, his hands left my body to untie my bra; he  gently spun me around to face him, now almost completely naked.

Self-conscious, I pulled him closer again, but he held my arms in place. Stepping back, he looked at me, an appreciative, seductive grin in his lips as his eyes hovered down my chest, my stomach, my hips, my legs...

"What?!" I asked, impatiently, feeling my cheeks blush as I rubbed my thighs together; every inch of my body already missing his hands.

"I just want to look at you." He said, hands running down his hair.

"This is embarrassing." I complained, shyly, crossing my arms over my chest.

He chuckled, biting his lower lip. He took a step closer, and pulled my arms down, still watching every piece of my skin.

"Why?"

"Because!" I laughed, nervously. "I'm naked! And you're watching me."

"I'm not watching you." He corrected, his hands lightly grazing my body as they found their way to my breasts. "I'm worshiping you..." His eyes found mine, serious, just as his fingers gently pinched my nipples. "The way you deserve."

His hands held onto my chest, firmly, and his thumbs started rubbing circles around my nipples, just as his mouth found mine again. He started slowly, gently, but it was exactly enough to send waves of inciting pleasure down my body. I pushed my body against his, and his leg flexed between mine. I mounted one leg over his hip, feeling his thigh under my cunt.

"This isn't fair." I complained, my arms around his neck, still covered by his shirt. It was unbuttoned, so just as he leaned back I pulled it down, and he shrugged it off to the floor.

I grabbed a hold of his muscly shoulders, sliding my hands down slowly down his torso. I leaned closer, laying a gentle kiss over his skin, covering his chest with kisses until I reached his neck. His hand grabbed a firm hold onto my hair, the other traveled lightly down my body to squeeze my hips closer to his. His hands were too big on me, nearly covering the whole of my back.

I kissed his neck allowing my hands to get to know his body; I had spent so long wondering what he would feel like under my palms, it felt exhilarating to be able to freely touch him, so I did. I touched every inch of his chest, his stomach, the curve of his hips, until my hands found his belt, which I unceremoniously undid.

"Curious?" He asked, his voice still as teasing, but now strained, lower.

I answered by letting his pants fall to the floor, reaching down to allow my hand to hover over his bulge. He bit my neck in response, a little stronger, a puff of heavy breath down my skin. I moved my hand down, gulping at the touch of him, thick, strong, hard, on my hand. He kissed my clavicle, panting. I moved my hand up, firmly; I felt him getting harder as I did, but just as I was moving my hand more firmly around him, his hands gripped my thighs again and pulled me up to the table, making me lose my reach.

His hands slid down my legs to my knees, pulling them apart slowly, around his waist, dragging me closer as he pressed his hips against mine. He reached behind me and pushed whatever was on the table to the floor, leaning down to lay me against it, his mouth trailing kisses down my neck, my clavicle, and my breasts, kissing one while one of his hands gripped the other. I squeezed my legs tighter around him, enjoying the feeling of his hardened dick against me.

His hands grabbed hold of my hips, strongly pushing them down in place.

"So impatient..." He teased.

"Shut up." I complained, weakly, trying to sit up to kiss him, but before I could his hands held onto my neck, pulling my mouth onto his, lowering me down to the table again.

I felt one of his arms slide down my body, over my stomach, reaching down below my navel and over my lace panties to hover my labia; his hand was so big it covered my whole pussy as he pressed more firmly against it.

"Is this okay?" He asked, whispery, looking up from my breasts.

I smiled in response and he pressed his middle finger down, starting to move up and down slowly, making strained moans leave me against my will.

"Good?" He asked, now sounding definitely teasing. I pulled him more firmly against me with my legs in response.

"God--" I let out, breathless, as his finger found my clit. "There--" I begged.

My back arching, my legs trembling, he reached his other hand over to hold onto my neck, lightly holding it over my throat. He moved my underwear out of the way and fingered me down, feeling just how wet I'd become.

I saw the grin taking over his lips, and pulled him up for a kiss before he could tease me about it, biting his lips mercilessly the more his fingers moved in me. I came with a spasm of pleasure with his mouth to my neck, sweating weakly.

He kissed me again, slowly. His hand between my legs continued to run all over my cunt, now delicately, as if just enjoying the feeling of it.

He leaned back, pulling my lower lip between his. "Can I taste you?"

I nodded, kissing him again, deeper now. I barely knew what he asked; I would have said yes to anything.

He reached down, pulling my panties off. He spread my legs wider, and traced down my body with his lips until they were over my labia; he kissed me slowly, from below to the top, letting his tongue get to know every nook and cranny. When he found my clit again, a moan escaped before I could stop it, it was the only sign he needed. He kept his mouth over it, his tongue circling it, first with kitty licks, then strongly while his finger reached down from below to enter me again, sliding in easily, familiar. He fastened the rhythm and waited until I was moaning breathlessly again before adding one more finger while his tongue continued to add pressure to my center, circling, sucking, until I was thrusting myself into him.

When I looked down, desperately, his eyes found mine, hungry, but I didn't feel the need to look away. I felt an overwhelming wave wash over me, taking over control of my every movement while I came with a strained, high pitched moan; his face between my shaky, weakened legs.

Panting, I fell back down on the table, eyes closed as I breathed quickly, wishing time would stop. He gave my navel one final kiss before making his way up my body. He laid his head between my breasts as his hands found mine, intertwining our fingers.

When I felt I might not fall back down again, I sat us both up slowly. I felt myself dripping over his table, and his hard cock between my legs, but his eyes were all I saw while he rested his forehead on mine.

We remained like this for longer than felt appropriate, just nuzzling our noses together as our breaths evened out together.

“Truth or dare?” He asked, eventually.

I smiled; “If I say truth, will you ask me to rate your performance?”

He chuckled, his cheeks reddening slightly. “No.”

“Okay. Truth.”

He let out a deep breath. “Did you mean it?”

For a moment I thought he was asking if I was faking it, but his expression was too serious.

“When you said you were falling in love with me.” He explained, whispery, probably finding the confusion on my face. “You know you don’t have to say it just because I did?”

I smiled, and leaned over to lay a quick kiss over his lips.

“I meant it.”

‘Falling in love’ already felt like the wrong way to put it; there was no falling to it. I was there, I fell. But it felt like too much to say it then.

He smiled, nodded, and gulped. His smile disappeared.

“What are we going to do?” He asked, softly, worried.

I heaved a sigh, and looked at the clock over his kitchen window, doing the math in my head.

“I have… two hours before I need to leave for the train station for the last train to Savoy.” I told him. “So, I guess we have two hours to figure that out.”

I traced the spiderman band aid on his cheek lightly; his arms wrapped around my waist, and he pulled my off the table, mounting me to his lap.

“Okay.” He said. “We can do a lot in two hours.”

Smiling, he walked us upstairs to his room. We could maybe fit a whole universe in two hours.

--- ---- ---

I had never been touched like this: sexually, yet in a non-sexual way. Harry had his hand over my breast, caressing it lightly, innocently, but purposefully, analyzing every inch as if trying to commit it to memory.

“Does this feel good?” He asked, causally, if slightly concerned.

“Yes.” I said, smiling, eyes closed, nearly falling asleep.

He leaned closer and raised himself on his elbow to lay a quick kiss on the side of my breast. He left another over my tattoo, on my shoulder, and then nuzzled my hair with his nose as he settled back down on the pillow.

I had a little less than one hour before I had to get up and get dressed, but I didn’t want to move. My legs still felt too dangerously numb, and the feeling of his embrace behind me under the covers felt so perfect the smallest movement felt like it might destroy it.

“Truth or dare?” He asked, whispery, tracing my neck with his lips.

I smiled. “Truth.” I said, just because the idea of having to move for a dare was too much.

He raised himself on his arm again, resting his chin on his hand to look at me. “…Did–did you ever think about me?”

I looked back at him, amused. “Of course. It’s kind of what you do when falling for someone.”

“What I mean is,” he corrected himself, with an eyeroll, “did you ever think about fucking me?”

To this, I bit my lower lip and stared back at the wall. Harry leaned down, kissing my arm.

“Did you ever, you know… at night… think about what it would be like?”

His hand squeezed my breast a little tighter.

“Yes.” I confessed.

He leaned closer to whisper in my ear.

“Really?” He asked, gently biting my earlobe. “What did you think about?”

I turned to him, grinning.

“No follow up questions, Your Royal Highness.”

He smiled, sighing.

“Truth or dare?” I asked.

“Why do I feel like you just want to get back at me for this question?”

“Pick truth and find out.” I shrugged.

“Truth.”

“…did you?” I asked, simply.

He gave me a long look, still smiling, and then leaned down to touch my lips with his.

“Almost every day.” He said. “When you stayed here, every night I wanted nothing more than to just turn you around and kiss you.”

I smiled. “You were very restrained.”

“Thank you.” He said, seriously, sounding touched, making me laugh.

“You only told me to dump my boyfriend once.”

He grinned. “And I didn’t even call him a fucker like I wanted to.”

I giggled; he leaned down again, capturing my mouth with his.

“I thought about this a lot.” I confessed, just because. Touching my nose to his, I folded one leg up to rest between both of his. “I couldn’t help it. But it always made me sad.”

He touched my forehead with his lips, and stayed there.

“I don’t want this to be it.” He said, still to my forehead.

“Me neither.” I whispered.

“…how much do your parents hate me? Just, you know, ballpark?”

“They–they don’t hate you exactly.” I said, unsure. “They just hate everything you represent.”

“Well, that’s much better.” He teased, making me smile.

I leaned back, looking up at him.

“It’s not about you personally.”

“I did yell at your mother and went against them all when I let you stay here.”

I sighed. “Yeah, that–that was good at the time, but unproductive now.”

He stretched his arm back under his head and looked up at the ceiling.

“What do we do?” He asked, pensive.

I took in a deep breath and pushed myself upwards, kicking off the covers as I got up.

“Hey!” He protested. “Come back, I only have you for another hour.”

“I think better on my feet.” I explained.

I opened his wardrobe and opened a drawer.

“Can I borrow a shirt?”

“Okay, first you get out of bed, now you want to get dressed? What have I done?” He complained; I smiled, picked the first, simple, cotton shirt I could find, and put it on.

“Nevermind, you still look hot.” He sighed, almost sounding disappointed.

“Focus!” I demanded. “Let’s think. What can we do?”

He sighed, and sat up against the headboard.

“Well. What do you want to do?”

“What do you mean?”

“Think about it, what is the problem here? Why can’t we just date?”

“Well, I’m the first in line for the throne of Savoy.” I started. “You’re the fourth in line for the throne of the United Kingdom.”

“And why is that a problem?” He asked, didactic.

“Because the press needs profit, and they achieve it by writing stories about us, real or not, and one of their favorite topics to speculate about is who we will marry one day, so as soon as they know we are together, they’re going to start running every possibility about our future–”

“Exactly.” He interrupted. “The whole problem about us being together is what it could mean for the future.”

“…okay?” I nodded. “So, maybe we should talk about the–future?”

I winced; our relationship was 50 minutes old and we were talking about the future? We were doomed.

“No, wait–that’s not–I don’t mean–”

“No, I–I get it.”

“So…?”

He sighed, and sat up, running both hands up his face and through his hair.

“This is hard.”

“Just–” I started. “What if we just… focused on the present?”

He considered this. “What do you mean?”

I perked up, “Well, what if we just refuse to let this affect us? We just… we pretend we’re normal people. Normal people who just started dating and who don’t need to talk about the future yet, because it’s too soon.”

He nodded. “That sounds good… except–”

“Yes?”

“We’re not the problem.” He argued. “We can do that, sure. I’m sure we can. But, what about the press? Nobody controls them. Also, and I feel like that’s an even worse problem, what about our families? They would never buy into ‘we are focusing on the now’.”

“There’s a simple solution for that… We don’t tell them.” I shrugged. “We don’t have to. We know how they feel. Why should we invite them into our…?” I struggled against the word ‘relationship’. “Stuff?”

“Because they control our lives?”

“Good point.” I sighed.

“Also, how could we keep this from them? My neighbours are all family members and employees of my grandmother. And you literally live with your parents.”

“Yes, but!” I said, excited, kneeling onto the bed. “We live in different countries! So, we’ll only be able to see each other every other weekend, anyway, if we can get our security to keep their mouths shut, we can meet in secret.”

Silent, he thought about this as his eyes hovered around the room. I waited, tense. It felt like asking too much. I knew I was the problem, my situation was the problem. Had we started dating before Louis died, people would complain, yes, but they wouldn’t have nearly as much to say about it.

“If only we lived a century or half ago.” He said. “Then this would just be considered a ‘good match’.”

I grinned. “I know… It’s bizarre.”

When monarchies had transitioned from being only a symbol, to being a working force for the country, they had realized the need for members to help. After all, with modernization, social media and the 24 hours news cycle, there’s only so much one monarch can do. They eventually need family members to help. So, today, ‘spares’ were no longer seen as trading chips to other kingdoms. They were more needed at home, for support.

If Louis was alive, and I was still a spare myself, we would still have had a few hills to climb, but the idea of our future wouldn’t be a huge unknown: I would move to England, take Harry’s title, and sometimes visit my family. We might even be able to work for both countries.

But now, considering we even made it that far, if Harry and I were to marry, he would have to move to Savoy, which would be extremely frowned upon by his family, not only because they would be losing a valuable member of their workforce, but because they already had a history with a family member walking out for love before (Edward VIII, who then became Duke of Windsor). Not only that, the woman he walked out for was also a foreigner. The ripple effect it caused in British history was so big it was still a sensitive subject.

Crucially, the marriage laws for British royalty dictated Harry would lose his titles and place in the line of succession should he marry a catholic. Which I was.

“I forgot about that.” I groaned when Harry reminded me.

“They want to change that law, but even if they do, if we were to get married, wouldn’t the Savoy government expect me to abdicate my position in the British line of succession?”

“I…” I stuttered. “I don’t know.” I did know. And the answer was yes, probably. But the idea would be so utterly destructive for his family I couldn’t bear to say it aloud.

“My grandfather had to, when he married my grandmother.”

“Those were different times.” I argued.

“We both know if there’s one place time doesn’t pass that fast is inside a monarchy.” He smiled, sadly.

In my family, the problem would be Savoy’s historic animosity towards England, Harry not being catholic, his polemic party past, and, of course, the risk that our future children would link us forever to Britain, meaning should some people die, it was likely that in a few years the only descendant to the Savoy throne was a British monarch.

Revolutions had started for less.

I sighed. “It’s too much, isn’t it?”

He looked at me, but averted his eyes soon after.

“…It is.”

I turned around, and sat facing the window, giving my back to him, pulling my legs up to my chest.

“Maybe we should cut our losses, then.”

He didn’t say anything. I bit my lower lip and tightened my arms around my knees, to try and stop myself from saying anything else.

I knew what he must be feeling, I knew because I used to be a spare. I knew how hard it was to be in that constant limbo of not being important enough, but not being normal, either. And if I knew dating someone would make my life even more of a public debate, I would run away screaming in the other direction.

He was falling for me, sure. But he wasn’t stupid. If we started a relationship and things went south, he would be the one to draw the short straw. Not only was he not an heir, he had a past that people would point to when trying to find the guilty party of our doom. My people would have my back in the press and pull out all the stops in order to try and save my reputation and image. His might not do the same.

“Is that what you want to do?” he asked, calmly.

I didn’t just feel guilty; I felt very mindful of the fact that on top of everything else, the fact that I outranked him was also a problem. Theoretically, he should follow my orders because my word was worth more than his; or at least, it’s how it would be for people who cared about that stuff. I didn’t think he did, but still, it felt wrong to tell him something that could affect his own choices.

To put it simply: I didn’t want to influence him into getting into something that might hurt him in the long run.

“I want…” I started, “I just want you to be happy.”

I heard him sigh, heavily, and get out of bed. I looked back to see him putting on his boxer briefs.

He scratched the back of his head with a hand, the other on his hips, and looked at me.

“I will be happy, whatever we decide. But right now I want to know what you want.”

“Well, what you want matters, too.”

“I didn’t say it didn’t, but I–”

“I asked first.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“I think it does–”

“This is not truth or dare!” He said, loudly, exasperated, making me flinch.

I avoided his eyes, self-conscious.

“I’m sorry.” He sighed, calmer.

He walked over to me, and sat by my side in bed, facing the window.

“Why can’t you just tell me what you want?” He asked, strained. “You won’t upset me. I get it, so much has happened in so little time for you.” He gulped, winping his palms on the sheets. “I don’t mean to… pressure you into anything. I understand if a serious relationship would be too much right now, we can take it slow if you want, keep it casual, you know? I don’t... I don’t need to be your boyfriend or anything.”

I shook my head, confused.

“I don’t–that’s not–You don’t have to worry about that.”

“But I do.” He insisted. “I don’t want to be one more thing you have to stress over.”

I sighed, heart aching in affection for him. I lowered my legs, and turned to the side to face him.

“Harry…” I started, smiling, “Okay. If this will work, I think we need to always be honest and open with each other… So, in honor of that…” I took in a deep breath, bracing myself. “I want you to be my boyfriend.” I immediately felt a little juvenile for it, especially as he took a while to respond. Then he looked at me, surprised. “Really?” I smiled, embarrassed. “Yes!”

He smiled to the floor, blushing, and threw an arm around me to pull me closer into a tight hug, before laying back down in the bed, pulling me with him. He turned to the side to face me, touching his nose to mine, still smiling.

“You’re blushing.” I teased, whispery.

“Shut up.” I laughed. “So, you’re my girlfriend now...” He added, in a teasing voice.

I sighed, happily. “I am.”

“So stupid... What are we, in elementary school?”

“Oh, okay, if you don’t want to--” I said, getting up, but he held me down. I laughed, letting him.

“And… all the other stuff? We never got to a solution.”

I gulped, realizing he was right. I got so caught up on my own fears that I forgot to think of a solution for the actual problem, which was, of course, that it didn’t matter if we could have an actual, serious relationship, where we were responsible and considerate of the issues we faced, but just… ignored them.

“What if we just try to focus on the present?” I asked, tentative. “A serious, real relationship, but… We let them worry about it if they want. We live each day at a time. Nothing else.”

“And you think they’ll let us?” He asked. “I don’t know how your family works, but mine will need to know what I plan to do about all of those issues.”

“Then we insist. We tell them, listen, we’re Switzerland.”

“Switzerland?” He asked, amused.

“Swiss neutrality,” I started, “is one of the main principles of Switzerland's foreign policy.”

“Tell me more, counselor.” He teased.

I turned to lay on my back to better look at him, going through my brain for all the info I remembered from my political science classes so I could better defend my metaphor.

“Their policy states that Switzerland is not to be involved in armed or political conflicts between other states, but they have armed neutrality! Which means it is self-imposed, permanent, and armed.”

“Armed? I thought you said they were neutral.” He asked, sounding almost bored.

I got on my knees, but leaned down to him. “Armed neutrality means they have no alliance with either side in a war, but will defend themselves if necessary.” I smiled, throwing one leg up to straddle him. His hands slid up my thighs. “I think that should be our official policy.”

“Oh, yeah?” He asked, grinning. He thrust his hips slightly higher, adjusting himself under me. By coincidence or design, his dick was now perfectly aligned under me.

“Did you even pay attention to what I said?”

He sat up, pulling me closer by the back of my knees. I rested my hands on his shoulders.

“Yes. I like the part about defending ourselves.” He kissed the tip of my nose, lightly. “So we stay neutral to everyone else, and whatever they have to say about us, but defend ourselves if necessary.”

“And it will be.” I reminded.

“I’m in if you are.” He said. “You’re the heir. You’re the one who’ll be expected to pick a side.”

“And you’re the man.” I shrugged. “Your family will never be okay with the idea of you giving up power for a lowly woman.”

He laughed, “Well, they’ll have to learn not to underestimate you.”

I grinned, biting my lower lip. His arms wrapped around me.

“Even if we can stay neutral, our families won’t. The press won’t. They’ll pull us in different directions with all they’ve got.”

I nodded, slowly. I held my hands to his jaw, still filled with affection at the bandaid I had put in his cheek only that night.

“So we don’t tell them.”

His brows shot up in surprise. “Are you suggesting we keep our relationship a secret? Mary, do you have an invisibility cape? How come you never told me?”

“Ha-ha.”

“Seriously, there’s no way to keep something like this a secret. We take security everywhere we go. You live with your parents. Half of my family are my neighbors.”

“Okay, so, we have some kinks to figure out.” I shrugged. “But we live in different countries, so we can meet in the middle, somewhere they won’t suspect. We just need to make sure we’ve got our security on our side…” I smiled, and leaned closer to kiss him.

He allowed me to part his lips and deepen the kiss, slow, agonizingly and frustratingly slow. He groaned, his hands finding my backside, and pulled into him. Then I pulled on his lower lip, breaking the kiss.

“Truth or dare?” He grinned, eyes still closed. “Truth.” “Wrong, pick again.” He laughed. “Dare?” “…I dare you to be my secret boyfriend, Your Royal Highness.” Still smiling, he leaned in again and kissed me. “Done.”

--- ---- ---

The waves made her remember everything that had happened a few hours ago.

The waves brought an emotional pain that shattered her dreams and hopes and wishes. Mocking her, showing the failure she had been. This earth-shattering feeling turned her world, mind, life and body upside down. She didn’t even have more tears to cry as they had dried somewhere in the middle of the night.

She was alone as she had wanted to be and surrounded only by sounds. Sound of the machine she was hooked to, sounds of the clock that showed her that time was going to pass whether or not she was ready for it, the sirens of the ambulances coming in and out of the emergency ward and the cries of a new baby that was born just down the corridor from her room. She longed to have had the chance to at least listen to her child cry. To have carried her pregnancy to term and to taste the happiness this new mom was probably feeling at the moment. And yet, here she was. Empty-handed, alone, bleeding and miserable.

She wanted to get up and run, possibly hide from everyone. Should she had the strength for it, she would have. But she could barely move a finger, let alone run.

She placed one hand on her belly. The same one she caressed the growing baby just the morning before, praying with all her might and force that everyone was lying to her. Wishing this all was a very bad joke, a tasteless prank. Everyone must be wrong.

But deep inside she knew it was true.

She knew that her body had been giving signs and she didn’t pay attention to it. She worked and travelled as if she wasn’t growing a tiny human inside her and now, funny enough, she really wasn’t anymore.

Maybe it would be for the best? If she couldn’t take proper care of a baby inside her, what would happen once the baby was born?

She would be better off alone and childless as she couldn’t bear to be responsible for anyone else’s death. She took a deep breath and felt every muscle hurt, her head was about to explode. She knew she couldn't speak as she had yelled until she scarred all of her vocal cords.

Her hands and arms were purple and swollen as she had tried to unhook herself from the blood transfer bag a nurse had hooked her to close to 2 in the morning. Her hair was in knots and her hospital gown was still bloodied.

Another proof of her failure and another brutal reminder that she had just lost her child.

She had lost her everything. She had lost her will to live because nothing else made sense anymore. Her unborn baby had become the centre of her life, her strength, her reason and her motivation.

Well, not really – her malicious mind reminded her, - if this baby was that important you wouldn’t have let it die. You didn’t even fight for it, you simply passed out and almost bled yourself to death.

Pathetic.

She would never know if the baby was a boy or a girl. She would never know if he or she would have her green eyes or Harry’s blue. If its complexion would be pale as Harry, chocolate as hers or a nice mix in the between. She didn’t know if he or she would be ginger. Could she even have a ginger baby?

She wouldn’t know its face. If it would have dimples, curly or straight hair. If it’d have the unmistakable Windsor genes or it’d be a Nogueira through and through. She wouldn’t know how is it like to feel the baby moving inside her. She wouldn’t know how labour would be or if she’d chicken out from the pain and ask for a c-section straight away. She wouldn’t know if she’d be able to breastfeed – if she’d like it or if she’d prefer to buy formulas.

She wouldn’t make her mum a grandmother.

And she wouldn’t give her man a child. The child he was expecting and dreaming about. The child he had built plans for. The child he was searching for a house to transform into a home for them.

The child he was willing to give up his title for.

Everything she got now was pain and shame and guilt and grief.

Why was it happening to her? Was she that bad of a person that this would be some sort of payback?

What makes you so important that you can’t go through something like this? Her evil-filled mind asked her.

She heard footsteps on the corridor and saw her door opening. Agnes was there, smiling. The pain she felt blinded her from seeing the truth in Agnes’ eyes. She was devastated. She knew that miscarriages were a common thing between women, but she hated every time it happened to one of her patients. With Carol, it seemed she had lost her grandchild such was the esteem she held for the brunette in front of her.

She took a tentative step towards the bed and Carol noticed it was way past nine in the morning. She had been awake the whole night.

“Good morning, Carolina.” Agnes asked, getting her file and reading the notes the other nurses had written. “How are you physically feeling?” she worded her question carefully.

Carol didn’t respond. She kept staring at the clock. Fixated on it. Hearing its tic, toc. It was comforting to know that time wouldn’t wait for her to get her shit together. And time was the only thing that she wanted now.

She would give everything she had for a moment in time to stop before she lost her child. She would give everything to have more time with the baby that even though was unplanned wasn’t not even by a single second unwanted.

She wanted to rewind time and do things differently and save her baby.

She always heard that mothers fight for their children and if need be, even give their lives for them. That was what Carol wanted to do. Be a mother to this child. Give her life in exchange for his or hers. She knew Harry would take good care of their baby even if she wasn’t around.

“Carolina?” Agnes called her, firmer this time. Carol had shut her out and not even remembered that she was in the room. She didn’t blink, she just stared at the damn clock and knew that it was laughing at her expense.

“I need you to please talk to me.” Agnes said, sitting by her side on the bed.

Carol didn’t move. She couldn’t, she was paralysed watching the clock.

“I know what you must be feeling...” Agnes said.

There it was. Pity and sympathy. Two things Carol didn’t need at that moment.

“And I want you to know that I did everything that I could to save your baby.” the doctor said, grabbing one of Carol’s hands gently.

Did she really? Her brain asked.

“I want you to tell me what you want.” Agnes tried again and Carol almost laughed. She wanted her child. Alive and well. There was nothing anyone could possibly give her at the moment that would make her feel better.

“I will give you space, then.” Agnes sighed. “A nurse will come to help you take a shower and change clothes.” she got up and stared at the girl she treated like a daughter. She seemed like a shell of the woman she once was. Staring at the clock and shutting everyone out. Agnes gently left the room and took a deep breath. She could only hope that Carol would bounce back from this. If she kept giving herself into the pain for too long, she wouldn’t make it.

(…)

Harry had spent the night awake. He sat by the window of his living room with a bottle of scotch beside him. He stared at the entrance of his house for the whole night and saw when the sun rose. He had drunk half of the bottle by that time and was irritated that it didn’t give him a buzz nor lessened the pain. He thought about compartmentalising it and go out and about on his day, as he had two engagements to be at but he knew he couldn’t do it. He wanted to feel the pain and go through it while it all was still fresh. If he bottled up everything it was bound to come back exploding in the future. He also knew that Carol wouldn’t forgive him if she saw that he was smiling for the cameras and hugging kids mere hours after theirs had died.

If she speaks to you again. His mind remembered.

He had been hurt by Carol’s outburst the night before. He tried to understand where she was coming from, but he didn’t think that she’d kick him out of the room that way. He had called the hospital and Agnes informed him Carol wasn’t speaking to anyone, or eating. She had tried to rip off the IVs from her arms and hands in the middle of the night.

He took a deep breath and texted Edward to let him know that he wanted all his engagements of that damn week cancelled and rescheduled. He also wanted to reschedule all engagements that had children involved for the upcoming months as farther away as possible. He couldn’t bear to be around children when his hadn’t made it.

Agnes had talked to him after they left Carol’s room and she was confident that Carol’s case fell under the more frequently than expected, she didn’t believe Carol had any sort of condition that would make things harder to have a child in the future. Miscarriage is something very common and sometimes it might be related to other complicating issues, but in other cases, it's simply nature being faithful to its course of only the strongest and most adaptable survives.

Edward replied asking lots of questions as to why those changes were needed and Harry simply ignored him. He wouldn’t come back to work until he felt at least a little bit better.

If you feel better at any point.

He felt like a black cloud was above his head numbing his senses and at the same time swallowing him whole.

He got up and went to his room without really thinking or registering what he was doing. He took a shower, got dressed and dried the tears that kept coming every time he thought about what had happened. He had drunk the night before trying to erase from his mind the scene of the woman of his life bleeding and losing their child.

What if he had asked her to go to Kensington, where Gerard and Martha would have kept an eye on her? What if he hadn’t offered to accompany his grandmother to the engagement, therefore, arriving earlier at her place? Why didn’t she tell him anything about blood pressure problems and migraines?

He knew that “what ifs” wouldn’t bring him any closer to changing the outcome of the events. And decided he needed to keep himself busy. Getting his car keys and without letting anyone from his security team know, he drove outside Kensington Palace straight to Carol’s apartment. He let himself in and he dreaded entering her bedroom but he knew he had to get things done and if her reaction last night was any indicator, she wouldn’t deal well if she saw all that blood.

He emailed her boss letting him know that she was in the hospital and that she would keep him posted. He grabbed all the sheets and duvet, almost ripping them off the mattress with rage and threw them inside the washing machine. He cleaned the floor, the furniture and searched inch by inch of the apartment for any spot of blood. When he found none, he made her bed with new sheets and packed her an overnight bag.

He then drove straight to the back entrance of St. Mary’s, getting out of the car and ignoring all the calls on his phone. Edward, Bill, his father… he didn’t really want to talk to anyone right now.

He went straight to the private wing where half a floor had been cleared after Harry was made aware someone had just given birth a few doors down the corridor from Carol’s room. He immediately demanded they were transferred to another wing.

He knocked on her door and opened it to find only a shadow of the woman he once had met.

She had her hair wet, soft curls forming around her face. She was half-sitting on the hospital bed and she was staring at a fixed point on the wall above the door. Harry closed the door after coming in and left the bag on the chair by the bed.

“Hey...” he said approaching her. She didn’t even move or acknowledge his presence. “I brought you a change of clothes and a few personal items. I emailed your boss saying that you’re at the hospital and that we will keep him posted.”

He waited for a reply but didn’t receive one. He tried to caress her head but she dodged his hand. Just another pain to feel. He saw she didn’t touch breakfast and that it was laying on the table across from them.

“Do you want any help to eat?” Harry tried again, looking at her. She didn’t look or talk to him. He noticed that she was staring at a clock and one could cut the tension inside that room with a knife.

“Carol, please…. Talk to me. We need to communicate to be able to grieve properly.” Harry said, sitting on the bed. “I haven’t slept the other night and for what I heard, neither have you.”

Tic, toc. Tic, toc. Tic, toc.

Only the sound of the clock could be heard there.

“Carol? I know what you’re feeling, but please, let me know what I can do to help.”

“Nothing.” her voice was cracked and hoarse and only above a whisper. But that was progress.

“I know I can’t bring our child back...” he started.

“All I want is time to go back.” She replied, looking at the clock and Harry was starting to feel irritated by that damn thing.

“I’m sorry about what happened.” Harry said, trying to grab her hand but she fiercely snatched it out from his hold.

“Don’t touch me. Why is everyone touching me now? Why is everyone bothering me with empty words of sympathy and promises when no one knows what really happened and no one can fucking give me time.” She said and he struggled to hear her well and understand what she was saying.

Both Agnes and him had stayed just outside Carol’s door for more than an hour listening to her screams, almost entering the room again every now and then to try and calm her but deciding against it.

“At least you’re talking now.” Harry said, looking at her. She looked frail and broken. Just like he was.

“I told you to get out. Just leave me the fuck alone.” She finally looked at him and he saw so much pain and hatred in her gaze that his heart broke into a million pieces yet again.

“If that’s what you want.” he got up and opened the door. “I will be back tomorrow.” he said leaving the room.

“Don’t bother” she replied not sure if he heard her.

He did.

(…)

Once inside his car, he thought about going back home to try and sleep a bit but his heart wanted him elsewhere. He wanted to grieve with Carol. He wanted her support to go through this and he wanted to support her as well.

He knew that she had taken the heavier blow on this, as she was the one carrying the baby, but she should also know that he was hurt. He was scared of losing both of them. If she was up to it, they’d start trying to have another child as soon as possible. And he knew that any child he could have with her or anyone else would never replace the one they lost.

His life had gained so much more meaning and purpose when he knew he had to be a role model for someone. That he’d get to parent his child and make him or her the best version of him and Carol together.

He just kept driving and trying to calm his shattered heart. He didn’t know where he was going or how he was driving. He turned off his phone. He didn’t want to see anybody. He didn’t want to talk to anybody. He just wanted his child alive and well.

He was startled when he recognised the black iron gates of the property. He had driven for an hour and a half without noticing where he was headed but it somehow made sense. He knew who he needed the most at the moment and unfortunately, she also wasn’t around to embrace him and promise that everything would be OK.

The guards promptly opened the gates and greeted him. For the first time, he didn’t reply and simply kept driving until he reached the stables on the background of the imposing Estate. He killed the engine and got off his car and walked the long gravel path until he approached the lake.

It was a sunny day and he put his shades on. He walked and was taken by emotion when he was right in front of it. He opened the shed, took out the small boat and pushed it until it was on the water, getting in and rowing his way to the island in the middle of the oval lake. He got out of the boat and when on land, his knees almost gave away and with trembling lips and heavy tears he approached the centre of the island where he could see, engraved in marble, the words “Loving mother”.

“Mummy,” Harry said, kneeling before her grave. “I’ve failed mummy. I couldn’t protect the people that I love and now I’ve lost them.”

He cried. Each tear made his body tremble and his lips quiver. He out-poured all the emotions held inside feeling safe to do so in that place. Feeling safe that his heart had unconsciously brought him where his mum was eternally resting.

“How do I make this pain go again, Mummy?” he cleaned his face with his palm. “It hurts so fucking much. I’ve lost my child. Your grandchild. And I think I’ve lost my girl too.”

The peaceful scenery only made it worse to balance the turmoil inside Harry’s heart and mind.

“I need you here with me.” he whispered. “But you’ve also been taken away from me too soon. Why?”

He cried his tears and his sobs were cutting through his body and shaking it. He thought he would never be able to recover from this. Never. He was a different man and now he had nothing. Absolutely nothing.

“I don’t think I can get through this.” Harry said, looking at Diana’s grave and embracing his bent knees.

He stayed there the whole afternoon. If his uncle and cousins knew that he was there, thankfully no one approached the oval island. He cried and opened his heart to his mother, knowing that she’d listen to him. Knowing that she’d be taking care of him.

When the sun began to set he knew it was time to come back.

“Mummy, could you please take care of my baby with you in heaven? I don’t know if its a boy or a girl but I don’t care. Please tell him or her that we love him so much it hurts and we wish things could’ve been different. I don’t know how his mother and I will survive this searing pain.”

Harry cleaned the tears again and spoke just above a whisper.

As much as I am trying to focus on the plot important parts of life these days, I do want to say three things before I get to the details of this fic, would you mind? I mean, I can’t tell you what to do, nothing’s stopping you from scrolling to the end. So, in that sense, I’ll just pretend you said yes.

1. Politicians are dumb, listen to experts. The pandemic is not over unless you’re from, like, New Zealand, those beautiful lucky bastards. If you’re one of us dumb mortals, though, COVID isn’t over, so stay home if you can, wear a mask, and do whatever is possible to stay sane, like maybe sign a petition and read a fanfic. I have one to suggest...

2. Black lives matter, trans lives matter, and we have the power of change in our hands. Take note of the politicians (national AND local) who are standing by and allowing bullshit to continue. Then vote them out. Stories belong to the people who read them, so keep the good parts of Harry Potter and let no one take that away from you, and if you can afford to, donate to an organization that protects the rights of trans people. 

3. In this blog we have nothing but respect for MY King and Queen of England, Meghan and Harry, and baby Archie. I love them so much, I’m so glad they’re building a life of freedom and action for themselves, and I have nothing but good wishes of love and joy for the three of them, away from the obvious racist, misogynistic, calculated attacks from the British press and the family who didn’t stand up for them.

That is to say, I love H&M and hope they’ll be together for years to come with as many more babies as they want, which personally I hope is at least one more… But I am a fanfic hoe at heart, and tiaras I crave. So in this new fanfic I started writing, we are living in an Alternate Universe where Harry is a single guy looking for love again. I just wanted to clarify I can hold both feelings in my heart: I want to see this fictitious Harry from my story be happy with my character, and want to see the real continue to be the stand up guy we know him to be, who is happily married and leading by example. 

So if you think you want that too, allow me to tell you about Our Place In The Cosmos, a Prince Harry Fanfic:

“Marie-Margueritte has been told her entire life that her duty is to support the king, be it her grandfather, her father or, one day, her brother. The life of the spare is not all fairytales would have led her to believe, but she has made the best of it: a degree from Harvard, a private job, and a promise from her father that as soon as her brother graduates from University, she’ll be allowed to have a more private life. She keeps most of these things to herself. Who else could understand her need, at 25, to have parental permission to live her own life? She finds the answer in England: another spare to another throne. Harry and Marie share a simple desire: a more private life, with someone who understands them. But when tragedy strikes, they are both forced to face an age-old question their ancestors spent centuries agonizing with: at the end of the day, what matters most: happiness or duty?”

Interested? Well, heres:

- a page with the Wikipedia page of Marie’s country 

- another about their flag, anthem and place on the map

- one with their general aesthetic 

If this isn’t for you, I understand and thanks reading this far anyways! =) Stay safe out there, bye bye <3 

Harry turned hearing footsteps coming loudly from Adalyn’s room. Glancing back at Adalyn he gave her a pleading look, not knowing what to say. Adalyn looked half asleep still, confused at what was going on.

“Adalyn?!” Ainsley spoke up. Stepping forward closer to Harry she saw her roommate nearly white as a ghost clearly shocked at who was in her kitchen. “I told you to put a shirt on…” she whispered to Harry before glancing up at him with a worried expression. 

Exchanging glances, they both knew that they were caught.

Harry could see the worry in Adalyn’s eyes as she watched her roommate sitting patiently on the sofa. Biting down on her bottom lip she tugged at his hands interlocking them in a tight embrace attempting to draw some sort of comfort from his touch.

Sensing Harry leaning down towards her, she felt his lips press up against her forehead kissing it gently. A gesture that did not go unnoticed by Ainsley. Closing her eyes at his touch she took a step closer to the prince.

“What do I tell her Harry?” Adalyn whispered in the space between them. Seeing her head lift he locked in her green eyes. Breathing out he spoke, “she’s your friend Adalyn. You can tell her what you want. Trust her with whatever information you think she needs to know.”  His smile proved to be reassuring and encouraging all in one.

Adalyn wrapped her arms around Harry squeezing him hard. His arms engulfed her, pulling her further into his body. “And Afghanistan?” Adalyn spoke quietly into his ear. She could feel Harry taking in a deep sigh as her arms loosened around him. “Not yet…” his reply was deep and regretful.

Harry kept holding Adalyn in his arms for a moment remembering all that had happened the night prior. Smiling he shook his head at her with a slight giggle releasing from his pursed lips. “What?” Adalyn smiled up at him, her green eyes lighting up from hearing his laugh.

“I desperately want to kiss you again right now. But… I know I can’t.” He confessed, his gaze diverting to the woman glaring at him from the adjacent room. “I think it’s best that I go… leave you two to talk.”

His arms fell from her body bending down to grab his bag. “I will call you later.” Adalyn nodded slowly wishing he would stay. Deep down she knew it would be best if she talked with Ainsley alone. Reaching for the doorknob she opened the door allowing Harry to step through. Taking one last glance at the prince she smiled warmly at him receiving a wink in return. “Bye Harry” she waved watching his frame disappear down the corridor.

Closing the door behind her Adalyn leant her body back against it. Taking a minute she gathered her thoughts. “Addy! I know you are stalling, get your arse in here!” Ainsley called from the next room.

Creeping out from behind the corner Adalyn slowly made her way to her feeling Ainsley analyzing her every move. Sitting down in a chair across from her she avoided Ainsley’s gaze, unsure of how to start this conversation.

“Ok well I obviously have a few questions if you aren’t going to explain why there was a half naked prince in my kitchen….” Adalyn shifted nervously. It was best if she just came out and said it all rather then answering question after question.

“Ok let me explain please.” Her quiet voice grew a little louder. Sighing she glanced up at Ainsley. “Do you remember Lindsie’s birthday dinner?” Ainsley nodded giving her a narrowed stare. “Well I ran into Harry there...briefly.” Adalyn locked eyes with Ainsley, “then again when he came to the museum for a visit…” she trailed off.

Sitting patiently, Ainsley listened to Adalyn explain how they spent more time at the polo game and ending up becoming friends. “Why didn’t you tell me you were hanging out with the Prince Harry?” Ainsley gestured wildly with her hands.

“I wasn’t trying to keep it a secret from you. When I hung out with him it made me feel better, a distraction from everything that was falling apart in my world.” Adalyn fidgeted in her seat trying to find the words to explain further. “Last night was a rollercoaster. You were supposed to be gone for a few days so I told him to come over. When he first asked for my number I was hesitant, not wanting to jump into anything after what had happened with Jake. But, as I spent more and more time with him things sort of changed how I felt about him. I couldn’t stop thinking about him, I missed him each day we couldn’t talk and I hated saying goodbye to him.” Breathing out deeply Adalyn averted her gaze from Ainsley’s eyes that bore into her.

“We talked last night and I told him how I feel about him. We both want the same thing; we want to see where this is going between us. It’s all new and I don’t know if I am rushing into it, but there is one thing I am certain of and that is I truly do like Harry. When I am with him, my heart no longer feels like it’s tearing apart.” A smile appeared on her lips as she glanced at Ainsley.

Ainsley had suspected something had been going on in the past weeks. Adalyn seemed to be in a better mood, smiling more often and overall happy. What she had not expected was Adalyn to be involved with Prince Harry. She had always respected the British Monarchy, but never once wanted their life of public scrutiny. Concerns for her friend kept popping into her mind and she needed to voice them. After all Addy had been through was dating a prince really what she needed?

“Listen Addy. I think it’s great that you have someone in your life again, you deserve it more than anyone. I just don’t know if Harry is the best person to be in a relationship with. His life is splashed on every magazine and newspaper, he’s a prince that has to act a certain way and is on constant scrutiny. I think you need to really think about it before getting involved with him. Once you two are exposed there is no going back.” Ainsley spoke with an edge of concern for her friend.

Adalyn appreciated her friend’s valid concerns; the same warnings that Harry had spoken about last night came back into play. “I know Ainsley. Harry isn’t rushing me, he has warned about how it would be to date him. I don’t know what is going to happen in the future, but I do know that I want to be with him and I am going to need you to support it since you are the only one who knows.” 

Ainsley nodded her head in understanding. Of course she would support her best friend. “I can’t see you get hurt again Addy. I cannot see how you were, a shell of a person again. So if he does… no one will be able to stop me from hurting him too.” She laughed out loudly causing a chain reaction in Adalyn.

“Come here Addy” Ainsley stood pulling her into a friendly hug. “You do know that I need to officially approve of this right?” Adalyn shook her head stepping back from her hug. “Fine. I will tell him you want to talk.” Instantly regretting those words Adalyn cringed inside knowing how protective Ainsley was of her.

“Hey! You know what this is all your fault; why did you come home early from your parents?” Adalyn turned the tables on Ainsley. “What do you think happened? My mother got on my nerves… again. All her talk of marriage and kids made my head spin.”

 Ainsley opened the door wide revealing Harry standing in the doorway. “Come on in…” Harry smiled politely at her as he stepped through the door. “I will go tell Addy you are here.” Nodding Harry waited patiently at the door watching her body disappear behind the corner. It had only been a day since he had seen Adalyn and was already craving to be in her presence once again. Harry had called her last evening asking her out on their first official date. 

“Your ginger boy toy is here Addy!” Ainsley yelled loud enough for Harry to hear.  Walking into Adalyn’s room she stopped in her tracks. “Wow you look amazing!” Feeling the heat rise in her cheeks Adalyn glanced down at her dress. “Do you think it looks alright? Honestly?” She turned slightly, giving Ainsley a better look.

“Does it look alright? Damn Addy, Harry won’t know what hit him once he sees you in this!” Harry had kept the details of their official first date a secret, not giving her any clues as to what they were going to be doing.

Harry was leaning up against the wall tapping his foot in a rhythm as he waited nervously. That was when he caught a glimpse of her out of the corner of his eye. The corner of his lips turned up into a shocked smile taking in the view he bore witness to.

Adalyn walked slowly towards him in a navy dress that exposed one of her shoulders, just enough skin to make Harry curious as to what was under that dress of hers. Her hair was done simply yet held a look of elegance. His eyes trailed down towards her long toned legs leading them to a classy set of silver heels.

Roving over her body his eyes lifted to catch hers. He was speechless. “Harry….” His name fell off of her lips. “Adalyn… you look gorgeous.” Watching her cheeks blush a crimson red at the way Harry’s eyes stayed stagnant on her body clearing checking her out.

“Where are we going?” Adalyn tried one last time to get a hint of the nights events. Harry eyed her suspiciously. “Nooo. It’s a secret. But, you may definitely want a jacket.” Holding out Adalyn’s leather jacket he helped her put it on. Ainsley watched the simple gesture with a smile. “Ready?” Harry asked reaching for the door. “Yes I think so.” Adalyn looked around taking one last look, ensuring she had everything she needed.

“Get her home safely and in one piece Harry got it?” Harry looked up briefly receiving a knowing look from Ainsley. “Yes Ainsley. I promise to take good care of her.” The weight of his words were heavy as he locked eyes with Ainsley. Knowing how protective she was of her friend, Harry wanted to reassure her.

Adalyn saw the gates of Kensington Palace down the road. Looking to the man beside her he tugged on his hand to get his attention. “We are going to Kensington?”

Harry could not wait to show her what he had planned for them. “Wait and see.”  Were the only words he spoke. Seeing her frustration displayed on her face caused him to smirk at her. He brought her hand to his lips kissing it gently. “It will be worth the wait. I promise.”

Opening Adalyn’s door he assisted her in getting out of the vehicle. Immediately finding her hands by his side he walked her into the direction of the gardens. Glancing up at the tree aligned path ahead she saw a glimmer of lights in the distance. “Where are we going?” Adalyn leaned in placing an arm on his shoulder.

Harry smiled widely in silence shaking his head no. His hand squeezed hers before looking down at her happy smile. “Impatient woman…It’s up ahead a little ways.” As the light covered path became closer Adalyn realized the uneven trail was aligned in candled lighting guiding them to their destination.

Taking in the view she glanced up at the night sky, a sky full of stars shining brightly over them. Hearing the crunch of the gravel beneath their feet she committed this moment to memory. The simple moment of being hand in hand with Harry. She could feel her heart beating faster, excited and curious as to what he had planned for them.

“How was the talk with Ainsley? You didn’t mention it last night.” Harry glanced down at her seeing a smile appear on her lips. Leaning in she rested her head on his shoulder finding a comfortable spot as they walked slowly down the lightened path. Sensing her taking a breath, Harry waited for her reply in silence. “It went well. I told her most of everything that had happened between us and how I felt about you…” becoming shy Adalyn trailed off into a whisper.

“How you feel about me huh?” Harry wanted to hear more of that part. Smirking up at him, her eyes shone bright. “Yes… how much I like you Harry!” Adalyn chuckled lightly, tossing her head back. “Good. Because I was thinking you only liked me due to my ginger hair. But wow! Now that’s such a relief. Seriously you have no idea how hard it is to be a sexy ginger these days. Everyone just wants a piece of it!” Adalyn continued laughing at his words almost to the point of tears starting to form in her eyes. Harry giggled beside her, Adalyn’s laugh too contagious to not join in.

Catching their breath Adalyn sighed. “She wants to talk with you Harry. I know you are busy with getting ready to leave and everything and I know I am asking you to do one more thing but….” Adalyn went off on a tangent trying to put out all the information so Harry would agree to it.

His footsteps slowed to a stopped; he let go of her hand to turn and face her. “Addy…” his hand reached up to cup her cheek. “I will do it. You don’t need to try and convince me too alright?” Feeling his thumb smooth over her cheek she nodded. “If it makes things easier for you while I am gone, I will do anything ok?” Harry reassured her again. He knew how hard it could be for Adalyn and if Harry had the chance to make their time apart easier with support from Ainsley, Harry was happy and willing to sit through an interrogation.

Relief washed through her as her anxious breath slowed. “Thank you Harry.” His hand was covered by hers feeling her fingers clench tightly around his bringing his hand back down at her side. 

They continued down the candle lit path following it into the Kensington Gardens. Adalyn’s eyes had stayed steady on the ground as they walked, occasionally glancing and their entwined fingers. She lifted her head to catch Harry’s smiling blue eyes staring ahead. Her breath was taken away at the sight that was set before her. 

Under a big tree there was a blue plaid picnic blanket covering the grass beneath. A big brown woven picnic basket sat in the middle indicating that they were having a picnic meal. Adalyn stood there quietly in shock. “Harry... this is.” Searching for the proper words to describe.

“I hope you like it.” Adalyn could see a glimpse of the shyer side of the prince come out. Tugging on his hand she caught his deep blue eyes. “Harry this is amazing. I have never had a picnic date before and this is so beautiful. I am still in shock. No one has ever done something like this for me.”

Within a second his lips came crashing down on her pulling them into a deep kiss. “It was worth all the effort to see you smile like this.” Harry whispered as he broke apart from her lips. Nodding she closed her eyes. “Mmmhmmm.” She hummed a reply feeling his soft lips pressed up against her forehead as she turned her attention back to the picnic setting. 

“Let’s see what’s in the basket!” Adalyn led Harry down to the blanket, settling in beside her. Opening the picnic basket, Harry pulled out two place settings and wine glasses. Handing Adalyn a bottle of white wine she filled their glasses. “Trying to get me drunk Adalyn? Wanting to take advantage of me?” Harry barked a laugh seeing how full the glasses were. 

“Noo!” Protesting loudly Adalyn smiled widely glancing at the prince suggestively only causing Harry’s laugh to grow loud. “So I really hoped you didn’t make sandwiches for us or popcorn!” Harry froze and gave her a cold glare narrowing his eyes at her only to morph into a cheeky grin. “Oh come on! That was one time!”

“I will have you know that I spent the morning with the head chef here to make this for you.” Harry pulled out a fresh bread roll; a container of a spinach and strawberry salad tossed with sesame seeds and homemade dressing and shaved roasted chicken and fixings for sandwiches. “You made all of this?” Harry nodded proudly staring at the food displayed out in front of him. “With a little help of course. I know it’s simple, but I hope you will enjoy it.” His proud smile stayed stagnant on his lips as he looked to Adalyn.

Leaning down she took a sniff of the aroma the food dissipated. “Mmmmm. I think this will be amazing Harry. Knowing you did this all for me is making me feel quite special honestly.” Adalyn beamed a smile at him; grateful for all of his effort he had done for her so far. Truth was she had no idea what to expect out of tonight, but her expectations were beyond exceeded. 

Having eaten the majority of the food Harry had made, Adalyn could feel her full tummy satisfied with the meal. “I am so full. I ate so much!” A light giggle escaped her lips as her head tilted in Harry’s direction. “I honestly had no idea a woman could eat that much food in one sitting…” Harry shook his head in disbelief before offering her a quick wink for his teasing. 

“Harry! I did not eat that much!” He earned a playful smack on his arm for his comments. Wrapping his arm around her shoulder Harry shifted Adalyn closer to him. Pressing his lips against her flesh exposed shoulder he inhaled her sweet fragrance.

A comfortable silence fell between them, each being deep thought into the depths of their mind. Adalyn had a multitude of questions for Harry about his deployment but did not want to ruin their night at the thought of him having to leave so soon. Harry wrapped his arms around her a little tighter in hopes of not ever wanting Adalyn to leave them knowing that all to soon moments like this would cease to exist for a whiles time.

“What’s going on in that pretty little mind of yours?” His deep voice forced her to bury her thoughts. “Nothing in particular…” Adalyn became shy; her words were spoken in a quiet whisper. “Tell me.” Harry encouraged her, wanting Adalyn to not shy away from him.

Sighing a deep breath she reached for his fingers, playing with them as they interlocked in a tight grip. “I don’t want to ruin tonight.” Her confessing words hit him hard, now knowing what plagued her thoughts. Harry knew they would need to talk more about it, but he did agree with her. Right now wasn’t the right time to do so.

Standing to his feet he stretched out his arm offering her a hand to get up off the blanket. “Come with me. I have something else to show you.” Gripping his hand Harry pulled her to her feet. “Aren’t you just full of surprises tonight your highness.” A giggling Adalyn followed into step beside him earning a knowing look at what she had called him.

He led Adalyn around the willow tree and down through the gardens. “This garden is so pretty. Do you come here a lot?” Adalyn walked hand in hand with Harry as they strolled through the path amongst the luscious colorful garden. “Not as much as I would like to admittedly. My fathers residence in Gloucestershire is covered in flowers and gardens, I think you would like it there.”

“My step mom is quite religious in keeping up her yard. They always have beautiful flowers and bushes everywhere. She says it’s calming for her, but mainly helps her clear her mind at the end of a work day.” Harry had never asked her before about her family and didn’t know she had a stepmother. Intrigued he longed to know more about Adalyn.

“Sounds like she would enjoy my fathers company. He can talk your ear off about his farms and gardens.” Harry shook his head at a memory of his father. “What’s your favourite flower?”

“Lilies. Definitely lilies.” Glancing down he watched Adalyn’s features soften at the mention. Quickly scanning the garden he spotted a patch full of lilies. “Follow me.” Harry hastened their pace into a slow run, pulling Adalyn along behind him in his heels. 

“Harry!” She questioned him at the sudden movement. Kneeling down he ripped a handful of lilies from the ground. Standing to face Adalyn he offered them to her. “Here…your lilies.”

Adalyn’s eyes brightened up at the gesture. Her smile crept up on her lips. “Do you do this for all your dates? Rip apart your grandmother’s garden?” 

“Do you know how much trouble this will get me into Addy? It’s actually my father who planned this part so if the aides tell him I ripped his flowers up for some girl he would have my arse!” So no. Not for just anyone. But for you, absolutely.” Harry grinned widely at her with a suggestive look. 

Bringing the flowers to her nose, she sniffed them, breathing in their fresh scent. “They’re beautiful Harry. Thank you.” Standing up on her tippy toes she placed a gentle kiss on his cheek leaving a fiery sensation against his skin.

Leading Adalyn to the end of the gardens she spotted a tree with a hammock attached to it. Harry leapt into the hammock within a split second. “Join me Miss Mackenzie?” He offered his hand once again. She stood there gawking at him in disbelief. “Harry! Why didn’t you just tell me to not wear a dress tonight!?” Adalyn tossed her arms up laughing at him. First he expects her to sit down on a blanket on the ground in a short dress acting like a lady and now he wants her to climb into a hammock without her flashing her knickers at him?

A deep belly laugh sounded in the air coming from the prince. I guess he really didn’t think that one through. “Adalyn.” He pulled her to the edge of the hammock. “You look damn sexy in that dress so there was no way I was going to tell you to change. So hop up in here with me.” 

Shaking her head at him she pulled her heels off tossing them on the ground. “Don’t you dare look cause I am sure you will know the colors of my knickers if you do.” Harry’s eyebrow immediately rose thinking a dirty thought.

Watching her take a deep breath he could see her internally convincing herself that it would be ok. Pressing down on the side she jumped in slowly. Harry felt the hammock swing to the side seeing Adalyn almost half out and most certainly going to fall off onto the ground. His arm reached around her and grabbed her at her body, gripping her ass hard.

Adalyn’s lips released a loud gasp at his touch as her body slammed into his tightly. Her green eyes flashed up to his locking in the depths of his blue eyes. His hand did not move from her. “You alright?” Harry let out a labored breath. The closeness of his body to hers made her mind scrambled, unable to search for a simple reply she nodded.

His arm had wrapped around her body ensuring she was safely inside, tucked in beside him. Sensing his grip loosen she felt his fingers trail down her dress past the navy material. Their eyes never wavered; feeling her breathing become more heavy and uneven at his touch. Harry’s fingers made a path down her thighs before feeling another tight grip just above the back of her knee.

Moaning a hot breath close to his lips she felt him bend her knee to swing her leg over his body. Harry continued his torture running gentle patterns of inanimate objects across her legs. The chemistry between them was driving Adalyn wild. Her heart was pounding hard in her chest making it difficult for her to even breath right or think properly.

Adalyn was putting up a willing fight. She had promised herself earlier in the day to not get herself caught in another situation like this with Harry for one simple reason. Adalyn needed to know that there was more than just this undeniable physical connection between them. He intoxicated her with his lips, his touch, his voice, with everything that was Harry.

Closing her eyes she shut them hard, pressing down on her eyelids. With a shaky voice she spoke. “Not tonight…” Adalyn felt Harry’s fingers leave her leg. Afraid to open her eyes she kept them shut. “Look at me Addy.” His deep enthralling voice called out.

Opening her green orbs she was met with intense sparkling blue eyes glancing at her worriedly. “You alright? What’s wrong Adalyn?” Genuine concern was laced in his voice for her. Wanting to understand her sudden reaction Harry waited for her reply patiently.

Her features became tense, her body felt rigid against him. “I want to take things slow Harry…” Adalyn whispered lowly averting her gaze from his intense stare. A confused expression graced his face. If she had wanted that than why had Adalyn ask him to stay with her the other night? 

“Let me explain. Please.” A pleading voice brought his focus back to the woman in his arms. Taking a few breaths she gathered her thoughts. “I’m afraid Harry.” She let out a breath. “I’m afraid of getting close to you for you to only leave. It’s not that I don’t want to be with you, I do. I have thought about it and I want it, I want everything that comes with you, but…” she paused and locked eyes with him. “I know there is this physical chemistry between us and it is amazing… and I always want more from you. But, I feel we need to take a step back before that is all this is. I don’t want this to be chalked up as a rebound for me. I already know that I do not want that as a label for you. Plus, you hardly know me Harry and I want to get to know who you really are, not what the tabloids say who you are.”

Understanding where she was coming from he knew her concerns were valid. There was no doubt a physical connection between them that forced its way between them. Harry cared too much for the woman in his arms for letting this succumb to only be an unhealthy rebound for her and if they continued down this path before he left, he knew it would come true. Feeling Adalyn’s hand cup his cheek he smiled at her. She opened her lips in an attempt to explain better before he placed a finger on them to silence her. “You do not need to explain any more Addy. I understand it, as much as I enjoy making out with you and your enticing lips; we can take things as slow as you want.”

Grabbing her hand he played with her fingers glancing down at them. A cool breeze brushed across them causing Adalyn to shiver a little. Her exposed legs were cool to his touch feeling the goose bumps rise across her skin. “Chirst! Why didn’t you tell me you were cold Adalyn?!”

Harry shimmied out of his jacket covering her legs with it. She felt his hands rubbing across her legs creating some warmth. Adalyn snuggled closer into Harry trying to keep him warm. “You are going to get cold too now….” Shaking her head at Harry trying to be the perfect gentleman.

“Don’t worry. I will send for some blankets. Want anything else?” Adalyn shook her head no. “Only you Harry.” She rested her head on his chest finding a comfortable position. Her body relaxed into him as silence fell between them.

Harry had begun running his fingers through her hair in a gentle motion while his other hand was clasped over her fingers that rested on his chest. “I didn’t know you had a step mom…” 

“Yeah, Rosalyn. She married my dad when I was 12.” Lifting her head off his chest she looked up at Harry with a light giggle. “You know she has been trying to set me up with someone!” Harry’s eyebrow rose suggestively at her. “And?” He questioned her wanting to know more.

Feeling his arms wrap tighter around her in a possessive manner caused Adalyn to fall into a state of laughter. “Don’t worry. None of them are as handsome as you….” She smiled up at him before giving his lips a quick kiss. “Well actually…” Adalyn was hard in thought in a teasing manner earning an eye roll from the prince.

“I bet none of them have done this before…” Harry’s hand rested on her neck angling her lips towards his. Feeling his mouth pressed firmly against hers Adalyn melted into him. Breaking apart, a soft moan escaped her lips only to be captured by the prince’s attack on her lips once again. Adalyn’s mind was in a dazed state; Harry consumed her conscious thoughts. His soft lips dancing with hers, his fingers trailing down her back leaving a fiery sensation in its path, the smell of him, the way he moaned into her lips.

Adalyn reluctantly tore her lips off of his earning a low moan from the prince. A breathless Adalyn spoke. “No. No one has done that.” The prince let out a small giggle before placing his lips against her forehead craving for more, but respecting their earlier conversation. 

They spent the next hour exchanging questions for each other, wanting to learn more about the other person. Harry learned the dynamics of her family and about her brothers wedding in the coming months. Adalyn asked about Sentebale and his favourite places he had been in Africa as he shared the love of the countries he had visited.

“I will take you some time. You would love seeing all the kids. They are always so happy and have nothing.” Harry beamed as he explained what was like in Lesotho. An intently listening Adalyn watched him carefully. Seeing the way his blue eyes sparkled as he talked about Sentebale and the children that called Lesotho a home. She could tell how much it meant to him and how much of an impact he was making in so many lives. Their conversation was just she had needed tonight. Wandering in the tales of their everyday mundane life, but it gave them each a glimpse into who the other was.

Glancing down at his watch he saw it was close to midnight. Releasing a small groan he looked to Adalyn. “I promised I wouldn’t get you back too late tonight Adalyn.” He saw the happy smile fade into a line. Adalyn did not want this night to end, but she knew if she didn’t leave now work in the morning would surely lead to a long exhausting day.

“I don’t want to go…” She pressed her head into the crook of his neck. “If we don’t Ainsley will have my head.” Adalyn tossed her head back letting out a barking laugh at his comment.

Harry jumped out of the hammock first. Turning around he offered his hand helping Adalyn get out next. Handing Harry his jacket she smoothened out her dress and grabbed her heels in her hand. “No shoes?” He looked at her questioningly.

“My feet hurt and I need to wear heels tomorrow so I don’t want to put them on quite yet.” Adalyn smiled at him. “Want a lift then?” Harry pointed to his back for her to jump on. “Yes!” A squealing Adalyn climbed up on Harry.

Securing his arms around her legs Harry began walking back to the vehicles with Adalyn getting a piggyback from the prince. “We need to get you back before midnight or you will turn into a pumpkin.” Harry teased her.

“You do realize that it’s the carriage that turns into a pumpkin not Cinderella herself right Harry?” A giggling Adalyn could not contain her laughter at the prince. “Oh shit. You are right.” Harry fell into laughter with her. “Wait?! That means I would turn into the pumpkin?!”

“Yes Henry.” A giggling Adalyn forced out. Adalyn had yet to call him by that name. He had to admit to himself he liked the way it rolled off her lips internally wishing to hear it again. “Faster pumpkin!” Adalyn reached back and smacked him playfully on the ass.

“Did you just touch my but?” Harry angled his head in attempt look back at her over his shoulder. Adalyn leaned forward and kissed his cheek. “Mmmhmm. I sure did. You know it isn’t everyday I can touch a prince’s but without being tackled or sent to the tower of London.”

Harry roared a laugh at her response feeling another peck on his cheek from the woman he carried.  They had followed the candle lit path back down to the range rover. He could feel Adalyn resting her head gently on his back. “Thank you for doing all of this for me Harry.” He could hear her smile through her words. “I wouldn’t have spent the night any other way.”

Breathing in he smiled at her words. It was his hope that she would feel special tonight, that she could see the effort he made for her. “I feel the same way Addy.”

Harry walked up the stairs of Adalyn’s flat hand in hand with her. They slowly walked down the corridor, each not wanting the night to officially end. Reaching Adalyn’s flat she dug through her keys opening the door. Glancing at Harry she asked, “does Luther need to go in first?” Harry nodded a no, earning a narrowed glare from Luther waiting a few paces behind them.

Following Adalyn into her flat he closed the door behind them. Adalyn dropped her purse noticing a lamp light was on in the next room. Hearing footsteps she inwardly groaned as she looked back at Harry.

“Well you kept your promise and brought her back in one piece.” Ainsley leaned up against the wall watching the two of them with wide smiles. “I don’t break promises Ainsley.” Harry responded quickly with a smile.

Adalyn looked to Ainsley trying to express wanting a moment alone with Harry. “Ainsley. Can you give us a little privacy for a minute please.” A smirking Ainsley caught on to what she meant. “Oooh! Yes of course. Kiss each other goodnight. No wandering hands Harry!” She pointed at the prince before rounding the corner.

Adalyn pinched her nose in embarrassment. “I’m sorry” a light laugh escaped her lips. Harry pulled her frame into a tight hug, squeezing her body gently. Her head lifted to meet Harry’s deep blue eyes. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Thanks for taking me home….pumpkin.” Her lips turned up into a cheeky grin. Harry groaned at the name. “I would rather you have said Henry.” He admitted quietly. Leaning down he captured her lips in a gentle kiss. Adalyn’s hand reached up around his neck pulling him down further to press his lips harder against hers. 

Not wanting this to end Harry deepened the kiss. Releasing his arm from her frame he stroked her cheek pulling her lips tighter against his. After a few moments a breathless Adalyn gently broke apart before. Taking a quick inhale she took in his lips for one more sweet simple kiss. “You need to get some sleep. You got to work tomorrow.” 

Harry lifted his head back in reluctance. “I will talk to you tomorrow.” Pulling her forehead into him he placed a soft kiss against her skin savoring the moment. Adalyn’s green eyes locked with his as he reached for the door handle.