#mjj

The backstage was chaotic, filled with stage managers, audio engineers, security, and a multitude of other personnel. Surrounded by the chaos you had been standing in the shadows, focused on doing your job. Being Michael Jackson’s stylist wasn’t the easiest job in the world. It came with an intense amount of pressure, but it was also immensely rewarding. 

You were watching every move he made; carefully watching for any kind of wardrobe malfunction, or any thing that might be misplaced, waiting for the exact moment that he would rush to you to change his outfit. Everything was always perfect for Michael, and you made sure of it. 

It was the 50th show and you knew this performance like the back of your hand, but he still somehow amazed you after every single night. You couldn’t deny that there was something between you and Michael. The constant push and pull of your relationship was starting to take a toll on your heart. Wanting him so bad; but knowing that it would be highly inappropriate for you two to be anything but professional. 

But the air that night was tingling with an energy between the both of you.  You couldn’t help but notice every time his eyes ended up on you, and you couldn’t quite get a read on what he was thinking. 

The transition between Human Nature and Smooth Criminal required a small wardrobe change. He rushed over to you, sweaty, panting, and looking absolutely flawless while being out of breath. “How am I doin’?” You didn’t know how he managed to talk after giving a performance like that. 

“You really need to ask that?” Michael took the towel you were offering him, and wiped away the sweat from his neck and face while you placed his iconic white fedora on his head. His makeup artist started dabbing at his face with powder, but he paid her no attention, just kept his eyes on you. 

Michael playfully poked you in the side where his hand lingered a little longer than it should have. “I missed a step in Another Part of Me, and then during Heartbreak Hotel I was half a second late.” You could practically see his mind racing at all the things he thought went wrong, when in reality no one would ever guess that he ‘messed up.’ 

“Y’know you sell yourself short all the time. No one expects you to be perfect.” Even though you knew he was. “You own every piece of that stage, and you do it so well no one even questions it.” Michael turned around and guided his arms through the white striped blazer you held out for him, but before he did you saw the blush creep across his checks. Standing on your toes, you leaned up and whispered in his ear, “Now go out there and show them exactly who they came to see. Michael fucking Jackson.” 

He turned around slowly, the blush still on his cheeks, but now there was a hint of mischief in his big brown eyes. “You have a dirty mouth.” He chuckled and bit the bottom of his lip while looking at yours. The makeup artist and all the other people backstage were out of ear shot, but he still leaned down and whispered in your ear. “But I bet I could make you say flither things if it was just us right now.” 

You shoved at his chest, fully taking advantage of feeling his broad chest. “Sir, that was highly inappropriate. I hope you know I am a lady.” The lapels of his blazer were askew so you grabbed both of them and started to fix them. Michael’s eyes never left your face; being too lost in the way you looked when you smiled and laughed. 

“Mhmm, we will see about that.” Before you could respond, he grabbed your chin and placed a kiss on the corner of your mouth. To anyone else it would have looked like he just kissed you on the check and mostly he did, but he also got very close to your lips. “Thank you, sweetheart. I’ll see you a bit.” 

Michael left you on the side of the stage, breathless like he was when he first got to you. He ran to get into his place behind the massive sheet that shielded him from the audience and waited for the light to come on and show his shadowed figure to the crowd. 

During Smooth Criminal, you made your way over to the other side of the stage where there was a tent waiting for you to get into it. The tent was used for a quick change between Smooth Criminal, Dirty Diana, and Thriller. It was a very small tent, but you didn’t need much room to get the job done.

Smooth Criminal was coming to an end, so you knew at any second Michael would be heading your way. You got his towel and orange juice waiting for him, and then made sure that all of his clothes for the change were set and ready to go. 

Michael walked into the small space and started stripping off the blazer and hat. Instead of handing him the towel you gently started to wipe the sweat away from his forehead and neck. He grabbed the bottle of orange juice you handed him and gulped it down in no time. 

“I will never understand why you want orange juice instead of water after performing like that.” You handed him the white button down shirt and he effortlessly put it on. The two of you worked together to get the arms of his shirt rolled up so you could place the black arm braces on his forearms. 

“It’s sweet.” He playfully poked your nose, which made you scrunch your face up. “And I like sweet things.” Michael had always been a flirt with you, but tonight it seemed like he was also done fighting whatever obstacle you both had set up for yourselves. 

You grabbed the white knee pads while dropping to your own knees in front of him. This part of the change was always hard for Michael, seeing you down on your knees before him. His mind was far from thinking innocent thoughts. 

“Quit staring at me like that.” You told him as you struggled to slip the knee pads up and over his pants. Michael’s mind was racing at the possibility of having you like that in his bedroom, without a crowd of 80,000 people waiting for him. The look on his face was so smug you just couldn’t stop yourself from saying, “You look very pleased with yourself.” 

“Can you blame me?” He laughed and it made your heart flutter. 

“Not really. If the view was reversed I would be starting too.” 

You got one knee pad in place and quickly started working on the other. He leaned down and held on to your shoulder for balance, but the only real reason he did it was to feel the warmth of your skin. “If you come back with me to my room tonight, maybe that will happen.” 

The tent made it hard to see, but there was no hiding the smile on your face and the blush that decorated your cheeks. Everything about this was wrong, you both knew that. This conversation shouldn’t be happening when he was meant to be performing for thousands of adoring fans - it shouldn’t even be happening at all. He was your boss and you loved your job, but the constant pull to one another was just too much to handle any longer. 

You stood up completely and grabbed the front of his shirt to make sure it was in place, but you also used that as an opportunity to pull him closer to you. The warmth of his body and the heaving of his chest made your core ache. “Impress me out there, and I’ll think about it.” Leaning up, you kissed the corner of his mouth just like he had done to you, giving him a taste of his own games. 

“Okay, mama. Wish me luck.” 

“You don’t need it.” 

And he didn’t. Of course Michael impressed you. There wasn’t a time, even before you met him, where he didn’t make you wonder how someone could have that much talent in their body.  He sang Dirty Diana and danced like his life depended on it, and in a way it did. He needed you to come back to his room, it wasn’t a want anymore. He physically needed to express how he’s been feeling for the past year, but first he needed to get through with the rest of this show. 

Patiently, you stood behind Michael, watching as he nervously punched in the code for his penthouse suite. He could feel your breath on the back of his neck; giving him goosebumps that felt like they wouldn’t go away. He couldn’t believe that this was actually happening, that he would finally have you all to himself. 

There was too much pent up emotion. They both of you had been denying yourselves and each other from what you both truly needed for far too long; so the second the elevator door opened and Michael had you alone in his room he couldn’t waste a single second. 

He grabbed the cardigan that he offered to you while you were leaving the venue and slipped it off your shoulders. His calloused fingers carefully drew circles on your bare skin and he backed you into the elevator door. 

Michael’s demeanor was both lustful and serious. “Michael, are you okay?” You asked and he softened at the sound of your sweet voice. 

“I’m more than okay, sweetheart.” He placed a hand on your cheek, and you nuzzled into it while closing your eyes. His touch felt so intimate and so pure. The possibility of something more happening that night was real and palpable, but in that moment you were just taking the time to sink into each other.  

Michael’s other hand was lazily messing with your hair and all you could do was hold onto the bottom of his shirt by his hips and hold onto him. You were afraid that if you didn't have something to cling to you would surely fall over with how dizzy he was making you feel. 

“I’m gonna kiss you now, is that okay?” He nudged your nose with his, and he was so close that you could feel his eyelashes on the tops of your cheeks. Words tried to come out, but the moment was just too overwhelming. He truly and utterly had you speechless. “Words, baby. I need words.” His thumb traced your lips, and you kissed the pad of it. 

“Please.” That was the only thing you could manage to get out, but that was more than enough for him. The plea falling from your sweet, soft lips was all he needed. Michael kept looking for a sign for him to stop, but didn’t find one, so he pushed any thoughts in his head away telling him that it was a bad idea and placed his lips on yours. 

That first kiss was the start of something that neither one of you imagined could happen. It started a true, pure, and raw romantic relationship that had to be hidden from the world. Michael’s fame had turned so many private moments into headlines, and he couldn’t stand the thought of you becoming one, so he thought it was best to keep it a secret. 

The rest of the tour was filled with Michael sneaking you into his hotel room every single night where he showed you just how much he loved you. He was already an excellent lover, but as time passed he learned your body so well that he knew what you needed before you even did. 

Working with him got even more difficult because he couldn’t keep his hands off of you during his quick changes. He would kiss and touch you, trying to distract you, but you would just playfully smack his hands and tell him to get back to work. 

When the tour finished up, he whisked you away for a romantic getaway. Michael desperately needed the time to recoup after years of touring, but he wasn’t quite ready to go back to his ‘normal’ life where he would still have to keep you hidden. 

Michael was it for you. There was no one else that could possibly make you happier than he did. He even had a ring bought and stashed in his sock drawer in the home that you two shared, but all of that came crashing down when the world decided to turn against Michal every chance it got. 

July 4th, 1992 

Rome, Italy 

Michael sat on the edge of the bed, leg bouncing with anticipation. His white button down was opened, letting the cool hotel room air sweep across his bare chest. He stared at the same hotel room elevator where he had finally had the courage to kiss you. He still remembers that night vividly, even after 4 years. 

Michael and you had created something beautiful that night. Something that lasted for years because it was handled with such graceful  purity, but just like everything in his life it was tarnished. 

It wasn’t the same as it was back then. You still had to hide away in secret hotel rooms just to get a moment of peace with one another, but the feelings that had grown between you two couldn’t be anymore different. 

A sneaky love affair turned into two hearts finding comfort within the quiet moments, where stolen glances carried more meaning than any words and every fleeting touch felt like a promise of something more for the future. What began in secrecy slowly grew into something far deeper than the two of you could ever imagine- a love built not on the thrill of hiding, but on unwavering trust, gentle understanding of each other's souls, and the simple pure bliss of simply being together. 

Any minute you were going to walk through that door and you would see each other for the first time in two months, the longest you’ve been apart since that first night. The wedding- which was supposed to be a union between two souls- tore the two of you apart. The ceremony broke something in you that you didn’t even know was capable of shattering. 

Michael didn’t know how he found himself to be in the position he was. He looked at the ring on his left finger, a ring that never felt right sitting against his skin. He was always aware of it, could always feel the burn against his skin that he knew didn’t belong there. 

He was never meant to marry her. 

She was brought into Michael’s life to help warp the public’s perception of him. A classic PR relationship that had ended up turning into vows that neither of them meant. Michael’s team was hellbent on trying to get the tabloids to stop printing every little story they could about him, whether it was true or not- there was never any truth behind it. 

They constantly bashed him and drug his name through the mud. From his appearance, his love life, his financials, his music, and the final straw, the allegations. Vultures came straight to Michael’s door and demanded not only his money, but a part of him that truly would never be repaired after they falsely accused him. 

So marrying America’s Sweetheart was the only way his team thought would calm the storm, which it did, but the damage was already far done. The woman that he truly wanted to marry and spend the rest of his life with was broken beyond repair. 

“Michael, please tell me that this is some kind of sick joke.” Your hands fell away from his, and he swore that his heart fell out of his chest and landed right at your feet where it belonged. “You’re actually considering marrying her?” 

He reached out for your hands, but his skin on yours would make you crumble, so you moved away from him. “I don’t really have a choice, baby.” 

“Of course you have a choice, Michael. This isn’t some fake set up date between the two of you, or a well crafted fake interview where you talk about how much you love her. You’re talking about legally being bound to someone else while I just wait around for you? While you make vows to another woman?” 

“Y’know it’s not like that. The only reason why I’m even entertaining this idea is because this is the first time in years where they aren’t printing horrid things about me. For some reason this is actually working.” 

A small part of you understood where Michael was coming from, but your pride couldn’t set aside that another woman - not you- was bringing some kind of peace into his life. If the public knew who he was truly dating, they would make up some bullshit of him using his power over you and not that you were utterly in love with one another. 

“Are you really asking me to stand by and witness the man that I love marry someone else? Where do I fit into all of this?” You were pacing the length of the room. The insecurity was leaking into every one of your words and Michael picked up on every single emotion you were feeling. “Are you asking me to be the ‘other woman’ when I’ve stuck by your side through everything?” 

“Don’t ever compare yourself to any other woman in my life. You are the only thing that matters to me. This is just some formal paperwork to get the world off my damn back.” Michael crossed the room and got down on his knees before you, wrapping his arms around your midsection. “I need you, baby. I know this is highly selfish of me to ask this of you, but I need you to know that if you ever left me I would be left with nothing. I would be even less than a shell of a man. I simply wouldn't know how to exist.” 

Michael knew it wasn’t fair of him to ask you to stand on the sidelines, and watch as someone else became his wife, but in Michael’s eyes you were already his wife in every way that mattered. 

He could only imagine you standing there in a pretty white dress as he confessed just how much he adored you and wanted to spend the rest of his life proving his devotion to you. 

He could only imagine you full with his children, chasing them around in the yard and nurturing them. 

That’s just it though, it was only his imagination, because reality was that you were none of those things, and someone else was going to get everything you ever wanted. 

Lost in thought, Michael barely even registered the fact that the elevator doors opened. The love of his life stood before him, but she looked like a ghost of a woman who was slowly fading into something even she couldn’t quite explain. 

The usual glow in your eyes was diminished. Even when you had to witness her walking down the aisle towards him, you still looked at Michael with vibrant love in your eyes. But now, standing in front of him, a cold sadness crept across your face that you couldn’t control. 

Even though your expression was pained and cold, your outfit surely wasn’t. You wore a deep ruby red dress that clung to your body like a second skin. Covered in fine sequins it shimmered into the pale moonlit hotel room, and emphasized your natural curvy silhouette. The black heels on your feet made your legs look even longer than what they were, and Michael was having a terrible time keeping his eyes from tracking all over your body. 

You usually wore casual clothes when coming to meet Michael. He didn't need to see you in fancy clothes to know just how beautiful you were, so seeing you all dressed up made him tilt his head in confusion. 

Michael could tell something was wrong. After all these years spent together he knew you more than anyone else on this planet. He could see the tremble in your hands that clung to your purse and the look in your eyes that you wanted to say something, but you were holding it back. 

“Why are you all dressed up, baby? Not that I’m complaining, you look gorgeous, but I thought we were just spending the night here?” Another night of being locked away in a different hotel with him, while he got to flaunt his wife out in public everyday for the whole world to see. 

“I’m not staying.” The words sliced through the air and landed a cut directly into Michael’s aching heart. “I just wanted to come see you and do this in person.” 

“Do what in person?” Michael stood up from the bed, his head felt light and airy like he might pass out, but he needed to be closer to you. He was terrified of the next words that fell through your lips. 

“I can’t keep doing this. I thought I could be strong - for the both of us- but this is slowly killing me.” 

“Baby, no-” 

“Michael, please don’t make this any harder than what it needs to be.” He was so confused at your words, and he really shouldn’t have been. He should have seen this coming, but he was trying to stay optimistic that you would want to be with him, no matter the circumstances. 

“What are you talking about?” Michael asked, even though it was quite clear what was happening. He rushed over to you and held on to your hips, pulling you in closer to him. 

With reluctant hands, you grabbed his face and stroked the slight stubble growing across his jawline. Your forehead rested against his and you closed your eyes, unable to look at him. “Us, Michael. I can’t do this anymore.” You’re touched soothed him, but your voice made him feel like he was dying. “We can’t do this. You’re married.” 

All Michael could hear was the sound of his own heart beat that was banging against the cage in his chest, but at the same time he felt like it had almost ceased to exist. It was empty now, because she was the owner to his heart, and if she walked away it would follow her wherever she went. 

“You know that I only want you, baby. Right? Please tell me that you know that.” Michael believed every word he said, but the look on your face told him it wasn’t enough. “You have to know that.” 

That would never be enough. Not while he was tied to someone that wasn’t you. 

Your hands trailed up to the messy curls on his head, to not only calm him, but it also helped soothe the unbearable ache in your chest. His head moved to rest on your shoulder and pressed his lips against your neck, taking a second to breathe in the scent of you. You often resorted to comforting him in hopes of resolving some sort of conflict within yourself. 

“If you wanted me you wouldn’t have married another woman.” 

Michael’s head pulled away from the comfort of the crook of your neck and opened his mouth to speak but faltered. He was looking into your eyes, trying to find an ounce of the person who he's come to love over the four years, but all he was met with was a set of eyes that were tired, and insistent on telling him he was wrong. “I didn’t want to marry her. I had to.” 

“I know it wasn’t some decision you made on a whim, but you did choose to marry her. You weren’t forced to. You chose to do it, and while I understand why you felt like you had to, I just can’t handle the fact that you chose someone over me.” 

“I didn’t!” Michael raised his voice ever so slightly which surprised you because he never did. Even in the pits of a heated argument he never raised his voice to you. “My team was breathing down my neck, making me feel like if I didn’t my whole career would be over.” 

“I told you, I understand why you did it, but you also have to face the fact that you did that of your own volition.” 

Michael’s eyes were beginning to well up with tears whether it be from frustration or sadness, you couldn’t tell. “I didn’t want to, though.” He knew he was fighting a losing battle, but he just didn’t know what to say to make everything okay again. 

“If you didn’t want to, you wouldn’t have done it, Michael.” Your remark made his pain turn into frustration, so he let you go and started pacing towards the other side of the room. 

He couldn’t understand why you were being like this. You were usually so bright and full of life that it lit up his entire world, but tonight he was seeing a darker side of you. A side that was tired of feeling like second best, and feeling like a convenient relief to him. 

“Do you not love me anymore? Is that what this is about?” The statement looked like it had pained her, like it had physically struck a blow. He didn’t mean for his question to come out like that, so he stepped towards you to comfort you; but to his surprise you took a step back, rather than forward. 

“You’re asking me that?” You tossed your bag on the small console table and crossed your arms. Michael hated that he noticed how it made your breast look even further, but even during a heated discussion he couldn’t help the way his body reacted to yours. “I have done nothing, but love you for years now. I chose to stay by your side even though you were hellbent on keeping me in the shadows. I chose you every single time someone in your life had a say about my presence and how I would look bad for your reputation. I chose you every time they made something up about you just to make a quick buck. I chose you even when you decided to marry another woman. The one time I needed you to choose me you didn’t, and I just don’t know how I’m supposed to move on from that.” 

“I- what are you trying to say?” His knees felt like they were going to give out on him at any time, but he would have no remorse if he had to get on his hands and knees to beg you to stay.  

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that I quit this morning. I’m flying back home tomorrow.” You were currently on the Dangerous Tour in the same exact city where this whole thing started, even in the same hotel room. “Whatever this has become, I can’t do it anymore. Every time I share a moment with you in the darkness I have to see you show her to the entire world like you couldn't be prouder for her to be wearing your ring. You’re an amazing actor Michael, but I just don’t think I can take a second more of this fucked up movie.” 

“You’re leaving me?” Michael knew it was unfair to blame her. He only had himself to blame for this situation. A slow tear trickled down your cheek and he wanted nothing more than to wipe it away and tell you that everything would be okay, but he knew you couldn’t take another promise he couldn’t keep. 

“Yes, because I have to start choosing myself no matter how much I love you.” 

The image of you walking out of his life was more painful than anything that he’s ever had to carry. What started out as casual flirty banter turned into bodies intertwining in passion and love and whispering ‘I love yous’ under a different city’s sky every night. As your relationship progressed he realized that you were the only person he could confide in and not only were you the greatest love of his life, but you were also his best friend. 

 Most people don’t get to find a love quite like the one you shared. 

“Please, don’t do this to me. I can’t do this without you.” You didn’t stop him as he grabbed your hands and pulled you closer to him. The gold wedding band on his left hand taunts you, but you try your hardest not to look at it. 

“This is it, Michael.” You whispered, but your voice still cracked. 

He wanted nothing more than to try to convince you that this could still work out, but deep down he knew that he would forever be tied down to the woman he called his wife. 

“Please, don’t go right now. Don’t leave us like this. I don’t want this to be the last-” His breath hitched at the thought of this being the last time you two would be in the same room. Michael felt physically sick. “Please, baby.” He got down on his knees and pressed the side of his face against your stomach as his arms wrapped tightly around you. He begged you, wanting to feel your skin against his just a little bit longer, desperately trying to scorch the memory into his brain so that he could never forget what you felt like. 

You were everything to him and he couldn’t imagine the person he would be when you walk out the door forever. 

His request went ignored as you turned your back to him and started walking to the elevator, but before you got too far, he placed a gentle hand on your soft wrist and pulled you into his chest. “Please don’t go. Please don’t leave me.” He sounded like a broken record begging to be fixed. 

“I’m not the one who left, Michael.” You placed a hand on his chest and pushed yourself away from him, but he grabbed your forearm before you had the chance to fully turn around. “Stop.” Your voice was harsh and the pained expression in your eyes made Michael falter. “I’m leaving.” 

“Where are you going?” He looked down at your outfit again, an outfit that screamed you were not planning on spending your evening alone. 

“I have plans.” Your tone was so cold and not normal to what he was used to hearing. 

Michael motioned around the familiar hotel room, hoping that you would recognize where you were. “I had plans for us too. We haven’t seen each other in so long.” 

The tour was postponed for two months so the wedding could take place and the honeymoon followed shortly after for the ‘happy couple.’ Michael and you didn’t see each other that whole time. He hated that he had to pretend like he was the happiest that he’s ever been, freshly married to his love, but inside of him he could physically feel the rift between you. 

A low chuckle escaped your lips, “Since your wedding, actually.” The wedding where you, as his stylist not his loving girlfriend, had to stand in front of him and fix the black sparkly sash so that it hung across his chest just right. You had to dress and prepare him to walk down the aisle to another woman. 

For weeks after the wedding you slept in the bed that you both shared while he was away on a honeymoon; crying yourself to sleep every night thinking about what it was he was up to. You couldn’t take anymore of the self loathing and torment you were putting yourself through. You loved Michael, but you had to think about what was best for you and staying in a relationship with a now married man wasn’t something you found yourself capable of.

So you left. You packed up your things, found yourself an apartment and promised yourself that you would come back to tour for one night just so you could tell him goodbye in person.  

Everytime you brought up his poor excuse of a marriage it made Michael’s head spin a little more. He hated knowing how deeply it pained you, making you act out towards him, which was fully justifiable. “How many times are you going to bring that up?” 

“However many times it takes for you to understand! I’m not yours, Michael, and you certainly aren’t mine.” 

“Stop fucking saying that!” Michael rarely ever cursed. The moment was so charged with emotion that he didn’t even realize it had slipped out of his mouth. Listening to you admit that you weren’t his was something that he never thought he would hear. But he sat back and let others dictate decisions for him because he was far too trusting of people he shouldn’t. 

You got pushed further and further away from him until you were completely swept to the side, and Michael unknowingly let it happen. 

You let your eyes roam around the room, taking in the peonies on the bedside table, your favorite bottle of wine in a bucket of ice, and a stack of movies besides the TV. There has been a picnic basket waiting at the foot of the bed full of your favorite foods. 

“Did you just invite me here to fuck?” 

Michael let out a small gasp, “I didn’t ask you to come here for that. I just missed you. I need to be with you tonight, in any way that I can get you.” 

“If you want to fuck so bad, go home to your wife.” You whispered so softly with an evident tremble in your lips. You both knew that he wasn’t sleeping with her, but your anger got the best of you. 

Michael didn’t hesitate to move towards you and finally you didn’t try to escape him, too tired of fighting the atoms in your body that needed to be close to him. His hands shook with the need to comfort you. He knew that this was breaking you and it tortured him knowing that he was the cause of it. 

Michael went from the person who promised to protect your heart to the one who was shattering it into a million pieces that you would never be able to repair. 

“Please let me make it up to you.” He brought his left hand up to caress your check and you flinched as though he had smacked you. Your eyes immediately filled with tears and flutter shut as tears fell from under your long lashes. 

“Take it off, Michael.” The tears steamed down your face freely, with no intention of stopping. “Please, take it off.” Just the feeling of his ring on your skin brought bile rise to the back of your throat. 

Michael grasped the ring that held no meaning to him and tossed it somewhere behind him, not even caring to see where it landed. “It’s off, baby.” You open your eyes and the tears finally cease to fall from your bloodshot eyes. “It’s you. It will ever only be you no matter what you might think. Even if you walk out those doors tonight, I need you to know that I will never love someone the way I do you. You are it for me, always have and always will.” 

“It can only be us tonight.” Your gaze fell to your feet. “After tonight I’m done.” You gathered enough confidence within yourself to look him in the eyes, “It’s not fair to me that I have to share you, waiting for you to call me to a different hotel room every night only to get a piece of you. I believe that you love me, I’ve never questioned that. What I’ve questioned is why I’ve never been enough.” 

“Baby-”

“No, Michael.” You placed your small hands on his bare chest. “I need you to listen.” He nods his head, letting you know that you have his full attention and trust. “I will never fully understand why you chose her over me, over what we have.” Michael opened his mouth to explain but forced  himself to let you continue. “I love you, and I always will, but it feels like I’m drawing every time I think about what you so easily threw away.” 

He didn’t fight you on how she felt because he knew what you were saying was true. He didn’t fight for you, and you deserved so much more than that. If he could go back in time he wouldn’t let anyone lead him to do something that he knew was wrong, but desperation leads you to places you never thought you would have to go. 

“If you love me as much as you say you do, you’ll let me walk away.” 

Then it was your turn to watch the tears stream down in tiny rivulets down Michael’s cheeks. You were right in front of him, but you couldn’t have been further away. He had you in his arms, but it felt like you were vanishing into thin air. 

“Tomorrow. I’ll let you walk away tomorrow.” There was nothing left to say. If love was the only factor your relationship would be impenetrable, but Michael’s career continued to take and take pieces of him and he didn’t know how much he could handle, especially after this. 

The pads of your thumbs whisked away the tears and Michael leaned into your touch, softly closing his eyes and just allowing himself to feel you. The familiar scent of your perfume engulfed the air and he let out a deep breath before he said the words he so desperately wished he didn’t have to, “Let me love you goodbye.” 

This wasn’t how Michael imagined the night would go. He thought you would walk in and immediately fling yourself into his welcoming arms. He would have kissed you a million times to try and express how much he missed you. You would have shared the bottle of wine as you watched the movies that became a comfort for you to watch together. Then towards the end of the night the teasing touching would turn heated and passionate. He would have whispered such sweet and dirty things into your ear as he made you come undone under him over and over again. 

Michael certainly didn’t think you would be ending things like that, but the cruel fact was that you weren’t even the one who really ended it. 

He was. 

You took his hand and placed it on your chest, directly above where your heart should live, but it would always and forever belong to Michael now. The heart that he easily mishandled and tarnished. “Make it go away, please.” 

“Make what go away, honey?” He tucked a piece of hair behind your ear and he could finally see the true pain behind your eyes. Michael would never forgive himself for doing this to you; forever doing whatever you wanted, all you needed to do was ask and he would give you anything. 

“The fucking pain, Michael.” You muttered before a small sob left your lips. “Make it stop.” 

Your hair ran through his fingers as he attempted to soothe you. He didn’t know what he could do to make it stop hurting. “What can I do?” His voice was full with his own emotions threatening to escape at the sight of you so defeated. He cupped your jaw so you had to look directly into his eyes. 

“Make me feel good. Make me forget. Please, Michael. I can’t keep feeling like this. I feel like I already lost you, but you’re right in front of me. I don’t want to lose-” 

“Shh, baby. It’s okay.” He gently pushed you up against the wall like he did all those years ago. “You’ll never lose me. I will always be yours.” Michael kissed the top of your nose and then placed a kiss on both of your cheeks. His eyes trailed down to your pouty lips, and with the hand that was cupping your face, he slowly dragged his thumbs across your bottom lip. He swiped it back and forth a few more times, eyes never leaving your mouth. 

“I’m going to kiss you now. Is that okay?” Michael’s voice came out deeper than he expected it to. He spoke the same words he did when you started your relationship and he was ending it the same way. 

An audible gasp came out of your parted lips. “Please.” You whispered in an all too familiar way.

The moment he placed his lips against yours, he was immediately met with the memories and feelings of what you used to be, what you could have become, and what he selfishly pushed away.  

Your arms that were resetting at your side, instinctively wrapped around his neck while your fingers twisted around the curls at the nape of his neck. You tugged and pulled with desperation, to keep ahold of him in any way you could, but little did you know that without a single touch you were engraved into him forever.  

“Are you sure, honey?” He mumbled against your lips and he could taste the saltiness of your shared tears. Michael feared that you would regret this in the morning and he wanted you to be able to look back on the time you shared and not regret any part; to only see the happiness and love you shared. 

Your lips became more aggressive against his, only pulling away for a second to utter, “Yes, Michael. I’m sure. I need you one last time.” 

The sentence almost broke him, but when you tugged on his hair he opened his mouth to moan and you took the opportunity to glide your tongue against his. With lips engrossed with passion, you stumbled your way to the bed. Your back hit the mattress and Michael pulled away from the kiss to look down at you. 

He was memorizing the way you looked in front of him, taking a mental snapshot of the moment. Your lips were swollen, beautiful as ever, and small breaths escaped them. You squirmed under his gaze when you realized that he was taking the time to remember you like this for the last time. 

A glimmer of lust was evident behind your eyes and Michael craved any ounce of love that you would offer him. His chest ached with the notion that he would never see that side of you again. All of your love was hidden behind a mask of pain and unforgivingness. 

You leaned forward and hooked your fingers through the belt loops on Michael’s pants, bringing his hips down flush against your own, eager to further things along. He grabbed your hand and held it gently against the bed. “Stop rushing this, baby.” His lips meet the bounding pulse of your neck and you tilted your chin up to allow him more room to explore. “I’m taking my time with you.” He nipped and lightly sucked at the sensitive skin under your ear. “I’m trying to savor you. Worship you.”

“Then touch me, Michael.” 

Looking down between your bodies, Michael could see the trace of your black lacey panties through the sheerness of the dress. You knew that black was one of Michael’s favorite colors to see you in. He took a deep breath, and tried to convince himself that maybe you would be together again, on the off chance that you also wouldn’t be able to stay away. 

Your hips squirmed off the bed, begging for Michael to touch you. You just couldn’t stand that way he was looking at you anymore, it was building so much love and lust in your body that you just needed him to make your brain go numb for a second and he knew how to do that very well. 

With the hand that wasn’t holding yours, he placed two fingers in your mouth. Your tongue lapped around his finger, showing him exactly how you would like to be sucking on his cock. You kept eye contact with him as you licked and sucked on the pads of his fingers so he shoved them deeper into your mouth until you began to gag. 

“That’s it.” He whispered, his dick started to stiffen further against your thigh. You moaned as he pulled his soaked fingers past your lips, and he found your arousal soaking your panties and coating your inner thighs. 

Michael shoved the fabric down your legs and watched as your pretty cunt came into view. It was always so wet and ready for him. Your folds were puffy with arousal and your slick was dripping onto the sheets below you. His fingers ran up and down your slit, teasing you and loving the way your body twitched when he grazed your clit. 

“Michael.” You cried out as he brought his soaked fingers to your entrance. At first he was just pressing lightly against it, easing himself in before quickly pulling out and then he quickly pushed them in as far as he could go. His fingers were so long that you immediately felt filled up and you clenched around his fingers practically begging him to stay there. The tips of his fingers immediately found the spot that he knew all too well and the moans that you let out were so loud and sexy. 

Michael noticed every detail. Your face, scrunched up in undeniable pleasure. Your lips, slightly parted with the prettiest sounds escaping them. Your caress, even softer than what he could remember. He took mental note of all those things, saving himself from ever forgetting just how in love he was with every single part of his girl.

With his fingers still fucking into you slowly but roughly, his thumb rubbed gentle circles on your already swollen clot. You hissed at the contact and arched you back off the bed once again. 

Somehow you had managed to get the dress off your shoulders and down around your bare chest. You lightly played with your right nipple, circling the bud slowly with your fingers. Michael didn’t waste a second bending further down and encasing your left nipple with his lips. His teeth grazed across the peak before he blew cold air on the wet sensitive skin. 

“Mikey, baby, please.” That was the first time that night that you had allowed yourself to call him anything other than Michael, but you had been too far gone at that moment to even care. You just wanted your last time with him to be special. 

“What, baby?” 

“I-I need to come.” Your words were a whisper that will forever play on a loop in his head forever. He will miss hearing the pleasure in your voice. The sweet sound of breathless moans that escape from you unwillingly will only ever be found in his dreams. 

Michael curled his fingers repeatedly while he continued to rub on your clit, he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to your lips before whispering against your cheek that it was okay for you to finally let go. 

While one of your hands gripped the bedsheets for some kind of stability, your other one was clawing at his bicep. Your nails dug into the muscles there and his dick twitched at the pain. 

“I’m gonna-” 

“I know, mama. I can feel you getting even tighter in there. Your walls are just gripping me so tight I can barely move my fingers.” He pressed his forehead against yours and breathed in her gasps and moans. Your walls were convulsing against his fingers, almost pushing them out of you. Your breathing was rapid and your chest was heaving from the pleasure. A light amount of sweat had appeared on your smooth skin. “Breathe, baby.” You followed his command with ease and you slowly came down from your high. “Good girl.” 

He pulled his fingers from your still dripping pussy and quickly placed them on the tip of his tongue. You watched as he pushed them into his mouth and moaned at the taste of you. Your eyes were almost black with how blown your pupils were. 

He wondered for a second if you were taking in every aspect of him. Taking in your final moments and cherishing it as much as he was. 

The fogginess in your head was welcomed from your orgasm that he gave you, but you needed more. You needed all of him. 

You sat up from the bed and began to fumble with the button on his pants before pulling them down his hips. The bulge in his underwear was huge and no matter how many times you had taken him, you would never get used to the size of him. 

His dick sprang free and you also pushed his underwear down and out of the way. Before he even had a chance to step out of them, your hands were gripping his shaft. You took in the sight of precum flowing down his thick tip and onto his shaft, using it as lube as you gave him a lazy handjob. Michael held back a groan when your tongue darted out and pressed against his tip. 

“Baby.” He placed a hand on your cheek to pull your face away. “Not tonight.” 

“I just want to make you feel good.” Your lips hovered over his dick that was aching for your touch. You needed to taste him on your tongue. “One last time.” Your words held a sadness behind them, but when you looked up at him through your eyelashes all he could see was desire. 

He maneuvered you to lay with your head dangling off the edge of the bed and your now naked body laid across the mattress. Michael still stood above you, his cock heavily hanging in front of your face, begging to be swallowed. “Open up for me.” He commanded and you wasted no time in doing so. 

The second his cock was in your mouth took everything he was offering you. He pumped his hips slowly, letting you get used to his size, while he leaned over the length of your body and kissed all the way down until he got to your pussy. 

His strokes became faster, but not enough to hurt you. The sight of his cock moving in your throat just about made him come right then and there, but he shifted his focus to your sensitive core and licked up all of your come. 

You choked on his cock at the feeling of his lips sucking on your clit. “Come on, mama. You said you wanted my dick. So you’re gonna take it.” Your spit trickled down his shaft and gathered on his balls. You took them in your hand and lightly squeezed while he fucked your mouth. “That’s it, baby. Your mouth feels so fucking good.” 

Michael took no mercy on your cunt. He sucked, licked, and tore another orgasm from you before you even realized you were ready to come again. Your legs trembled and you whined as he started to ease his way out of your throat. 

Your eyes were glassy and the fucked out look on your face made Michael lose any composure he might have had left in him. “I need to be inside of you. I’m aching for you, baby.” He scooted you up to the top of the bed where your head hit the pillows. With your hair piled around your shoulder and the curves of your body begging to be relished in touches, he brought his body over yours and captured your lips in haste. 

You wrapped your legs around his narrow hips and pulled him closer to you. The tip of his dick, still leaking with precum and your spit, rubbed up against your slit, causing you to shudder. All he would have to do is push his hips into yours and he would be fully encased in your warmth, but instead he found himself looking into your eyes and kissing every inch of your face and neck. 

“Don’t be gentle, Michael.” Your heels dug into the bottom of his spine. “Fuck me.” 

While Michael was using this moment to savor every last bit of you, you were using it to temporarily forget about everything the two of you were about to lose. 

Michael realized that he had been selfish during your relationship. He had taken your love for granted far too many times. If you wanted to forget everything, then he would give that to you. He would give you the world without you even needing to ask. 

Knowing what you needed, he wrapped his big hand around your throat and squeezed the side of it with his thumb and fingers. “Were my fingers and tongue not enough for you?” You nodded your head and bucked your hips so his dick touched your pussy. 

“No.” You plastered a smug smile on your face even though your body was telling him a whole different story. 

“Well then what do you need from me, honey? “You need my cock to stretch you out? Is that it, baby?”

“Yes.” 

Before you even had the chance to finish speaking, he slid into your slick heat and bottomed out completely. He stretched your walls and stole the breath from your lungs. Your bare chest met his as you arched you back from the sheer shock and pleasure of him finally being inside of you. 

“Is that enough for you? You’re full of my cock now. Is that what you wanted?” Michael pulled out slightly and when you didn’t answer him, he tightened his grip around your throat and slammed into you once again. “Answer me, baby.” 

“Yes - yes. Please, that’s what I wanted.” Your broken words came out as a mixture of sobs and moans. “Please, move.” 

He pulled back just until only the tip of him was left inside of you, barely giving you that stretch that you so often craved. He sat up so he was on his knees and grabbed your hips to hold them off the bed. Michael roughly started fucking into you, not giving you enough time to adjust. There was a thick presence of your arousal coating his dick and he loved knowing that he could do that to you. 

A hotel room filled with dirty moans, hot skin slapping together, the lewd sounds of your wetness, and the wooden headboard hitting the wall wasn’t the way Michael wanted to remember his last night with you. 

He usually fed off the screaming of his name from your lips as you came all over him, but tonight he wanted to be slow and gentle. He wanted to look in your eyes while he repeatedly reminded you just how much he loved you. 

You ingrained yourself in every single piece of him. His heart, soul, body, and mine would be left with nothing behind except for traces of you. 

Michael’s heart wanted one thing, but the pressure building in the pit of his stomach told him another. Your pussy squeezed him tightly, and your nails were scratching patterns into his backs, making him need to come. 

“Fuck, I’m close again.” You uttered against his lips. Michael had given you multiple orgasms almost every time you were together, but you felt like tonight he would give you more than you were able to take. 

He leaned down and kissed the top of your knee that he was holding. You were biting your bottom lip so hard to try and stop the noises from falling but it didn’t help. His name was a constant on your tongue as he ruthlessly fucked into you and when his thumb found your clit you screamed loud enough for the whole hotel to hear.  “You’re gonna make me come again.” 

You didn’t have to tell him to let him know that you were about to orgasm. Everything about your body was telling him everything he needed to know, but he wasn’t ready to let you come again just yet. “Don’t you dare come yet.”

“What?” You looked up at him in disbelief that he was depriving you of release. 

“I said fucking hold it.” His palm came down on your clit, eliciting a whimper from you. “You said you didn’t want me to be gentle. So fucking take it.” He slapped your pussy again, even harder this time and you felt yourself getting even wetter from him if that was even possible. 

Michael’s hips picked up speed as he was chasing his own high. He knew you wouldn’t be able to last much longer at his brutal place, but he wanted to come in you, and watch it leak out of your wrecked pussy before he made you come with his tongue again. 

“Please, Michael!” You were practically crying. Your nails scratched down his abdomen and that was all it took for him to bury himself deep into you. He lost all of his strength when his orgasm powered through him, shaking his entire body, but he gently coaxed himself through it by gently thrusting into you. 

He laid on top of you, kissing the tops of your breasts and down the front of your throat while he recovered. “You have no idea what you do to me.” He said against the swell of your breast. Hesitantly, he pulled out of you and trailed kisses down your body. His lips teased the inside of your thighs and the top of your pubic bone. 

Lowering his head to your pussy, he marveled at the sight of his release dripping out of you and staining the bedsheets. The tip of his tongue ran through your slit and your body shuttered at the slight contact. Michael dipped his tongue back in, and drugged it through your folds to collect the mix of yours and his arousal. 

You peered down at him, your eyes trained on his mouth. You lifted your hand to him, taking your index finger and running it down his tongue, collecting the mixture for yourself. The pad of your finger glistened and you eagerly placed it between your plump lips, sucking everything off. 

He swallowed the mixture down his throat and hummed to himself and how good you tasted together. You stayed perched up on your elbows as you watched him lick from your tight hold to your swollen clit. He took it into his mouth and ran his teeth over the overly sensitive flesh. 

Your elbows gave out, so you used your hand to play with his hair as he devoured you. With his mouth still attacking you, he moved his thumb up and down your soaked clit and then teased you by barely pushing it into your cunt. 

Michael stuck his tongue out completely and looked up at you. “Use me, baby. Make yourself come on my tongue. I need to taste more of you.” You forcefully grabbed the sides of his head and rode his tongue. 

Your hips were grinding down on his mouth while he sucked and licked every inch of your sweet pussy. He slowly pushed two fingers into you and you moaned in approval. “Oh fuck, baby.” Your body trembled with overwhelming pleasure. “More, Mikey! Please, more.” He added a third finger and curled them to hit the warm soft spot inside of you. Your hand smacked down into the mattress and balled the sheets up into your fist. Your thighs shook around his head and he knew that it wouldn’t be much longer until you were coming on his tongue. 

The sounds you were making and the feeling of you pulling his hair had his dick hardening up again. He thrust his hips against the soft sheets to try to stop the ache, but nothing compared to the feeling of your warmth. 

With his fingers buried deep in you and the feeling of his tongue on your clit you came for him, drenching his face and the bedsheets, while you screamed his name. “I know, baby. I know. Just let it out.” He stopped moving his fingers and your hips stopped moving. He placed gentle kisses to your thighs as you slowly recovered. “You’re doing so good.” He reassured you as you came down from an intense high and licked your swollen cunt, gathering anything that was left of your arousal. 

Your sweaty body quivered as you took hold of his shoulders and pulled him up to your chest. Delicate fingers ran though his hair and your nails scratched his back soothingly.  His eyes fluttered shut as he honed in on the sound of your erratic heartbeat and the way it was slowly calming down. 

“I think I’m going to head out.” You whispered, but he didn’t fail to miss the subtle way your voice wavered.  

This is it. You were leaving him for good. 

“Stay the night, please.” He begged you. The thought of you getting up and walking out that door sent him into a downward spiral. He couldn’t imagine what it would actually feel like when you were gone. 

The spot beside him in bed wouldn’t have your warmth anymore. You wouldn’t be there to listen to his stupid and definitely not funny jokes. He wouldn’t hear your laugh again and that sent a pain through his chest. At least he had a recording of you when you surprised him in the studio while he was recording Dangerous. 

The photos that he has of you will always remain in his possession, but as the years pass they won’t hold what you look like, only what used to be. 

Michael’s mind races about the future ahead of you. Without him dragging you down, you will more than likely have your own fashion line one day, selling the dazzling pieces of art you make from fa ric with your own two hands. 

He yields himself to stop thinking of the events of the future because picturing you marrying another man or having his kids is something he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to handle. 

You sat up in bed, and brought the sheet up to hide your bare chest. “Michael, that’s not a good idea.” Your voice broke and he watched as you swallowed the lump in your throat and turned your head from his gaze. You swung your legs over the side of the bed but he grabbed your upper arm before you could slide out. 

“Baby, don’t. Please just stay one more night”

“I said no.” You tugged your arm free from his grasp and continued to get out of bed. 

Michael swore that he physically felt his already cracked heart burst into a million pieces. He was the one with an obvious lump in his throat and as he tried to beg you once again to stay, all of his words got caught by the thick emotion that lingered. He tried again, opened his mouth to say anything, but only a sob made its way out. 

You turned around at the sound of him breaking, your eyes taking in the sight. Hot tears streamed down his flushed cheeks, his nose running, and his body being wracked over and over again with painful sobs. 

“I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He tried to take a deep breath, but the air just kept getting stuck in his throat. “It’s okay. You can go.” He managed to say through his many tears and gasps.  

“Mikey.” You climbed onto the bed and grabbed his jaw, trying to get him to look at you, but he refused to let you see him like that. “Baby, please look at me.”

He shook his head. “No. It’s okay. I’ve already done enough to you.” Michael couldn’t risk looking into your eyes and seeing anymore of the pain he had caused. 

You scooted closer to him, and the warmth of your body seemed to slow his tears, but they fell shamelessly anyway. “I’m right here.” You grasped his hands and placed them on your skin. “Feel me, baby. I’m right here.” 

Michael bowed his head, resting his forehead on your bare shoulder. It wasn’t long before you crawled into his lap. His back rested against the headboard as you wrapped your legs around his hips and held onto him tightly. Strong arms enveloped your naked body and neither one of you planned on letting go. 

“I’m sorry I messed everything up. I’m sorry I can’t be what you need. I’m sorry for ever coming into your life. You don’t deserve this.” He cried into the crook of your neck while his fingers ran through your hair.  

You couldn’t help but feel guilty for the way you acted that night. Maybe you were a little too hard on him. You knew the immense pressure he was under, but even though you understood that you couldn’t sit back and be pushed to the sidelines. You had more self respect than that. 

You pulled your head back after a minute of silence. Your tied eyes bored into his bloodshot ones, “I’m sorry for how closed off I’ve been night, but I just can’t keep going on feeling like this. I can’t spend the rest of my life wondering if you’ll ever come home to me. Knowing that you are obligated to share your life with someone who isn’t me.”

He knew deep down in his heart that you still loved him. The coldness and anger you displayed earlier that night was a wall of defense you put up around your heart to guard it from him, so he couldn’t do anymore damage. In that moment, he could see the true version of you, the one who never hesitated to comfort him even when you had no responsibility to. 

“I’ll stay.” You finally confessed.. “Just for the night like we agreed.” 

“No,-”

“Stop. Let me make it go away for you now.” Your voice wavered, but there was no doubt that you meant everything behind the words. You reached in between your bodies to grab his half hard erection. “Don’t focus on the pain, just focus on me. Let your body feel how you will always be mine, even if another woman wears your ring.” You whispered against his ear before sweetly pressing your lips together. 

The grip you had on his dick tightened and he listened to every syllable coming out of your mouth. He knew that no matter what happened, no other woman would own his soul the way you did. 

He focused on you, just like you instructed. He focused on the way your soft lips moved with his and how your hand moved up and down his shaft while your thumb ran over the slit on his tip. He took in every single breath you took and every kiss you gave because he didn’t know which one would be the last. 

You sat back down on your knees, straddling him. His erection aligned with you perfectly that if you were to drop back down, he would fill you up completely. 

“Are you sure?” You asked him, swiping under his eyes to get rid of the last few tear drops. Michael nodded his head frantically, he probably looked overly desperate to feel his girl again, but he didn’t care. “Oh, Mikey.” You whined as you took all of him in one go. You sat down fully before wrapping your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck; you clung to him like it finally sunk in that this was it. 

Your hips found a gentle rhythm and he held into your things to support your movements. Instead of moving up and down on his cock, you ground your hips in circles, allowing him to feel deep inside you. His pubic bone rubbed perfectly against your clit, making you tilt your head back in pleasure. 

That was how he wanted to remember you. 

You grabbed both sides of his face and looked him deep in the eyes while you made love to him for the last time. “I love you, Michael. I always will.” 

“I love you s’much.” He slurred his words because the way you were moving on him made him unable to think about anything other than you. “It’s only you. It’ll only ever be you.” 

Michael saw the tears that threaten to fall from your eyes and he knew he looked just the same. He had never felt a connection like that before and he never would after. You were his everything. The universe might have been hellbent on separating the two of you, but in every way that mattered you would always belong to each other. 

The emotion surrounding the two of you and the pleasure your bodies were giving one another created an atmosphere of pure vulnerability. 

“Promise me,“ He uttered against your lips, even to speak he didn’t want to separate your mouth from his. “that we’ll find our way back to each other some day.” 

 “Michael, I can’t.” 

“Then lie to me.”

So you did. Over and over you mumbled into his skin about everything you could have had together and everything he knew you saw for your shared future. You whispered sweet words in his ear as you came apart together for the last time. 

Even minutes after your shared climax, he held you close. Too afraid that if he let go, you’d dissipate. 

And Michael’s fears were acknowledged when you did. 

After hours of holding each other in the darkness of the hotel room, you both finally succumbed to sleep. He held on to the odd chance that you would wake up and realize that what you had was irreplaceable, and you would have to retract all of your promises.