#poor bruce

Dick: I hate how everyone thinks or just assumes that my favourite superhero is Superman. Like how did that even get out? Why is it like something everyone know about me? It isn't even true!

Tim: As a professional stalker, it's probably because Clark and Bruce think it's Superman.

Dick, serious: Trust me, Clark knows it isn't Superman.

Jason: Then why does he keep giving you his merch?

Dick: It's different, okay? He always gives me the first piece of his new merch. It was originally because I was possibly the only child he knew, but now, it's just our thing.

Tim and Jason: *raise an eyebrow*

Jason: But you know what that looks like to others, right? Superman giving you his merch?

Dick, opens mouth, closes it, opens it again: I never considered that. But still, you'd think people would ask, right? I mean, between the three of us, we have the same favourite.

Jason, immediately: My favourite is Wonder Women.

Tim, not having it: Your favourite member of the Justice League is Wonder Women, not your favourite superhero.

Jason: *huffs but doesn't disagree*

Dick: And you know what? Even when I was younger, Supes was never my favourite—

Bruce: *walks within hearing range but not visual range*

Dick cont.: I liked that he smiled and laughed, you know?

Jason and Tim, with their backs to Bruce: *look absolutely baffled*

Bruce: *freezes*

Dick cont.: Superman could just... save a kitten... or you know... stop a crash and then go fight Lex Luther and then crack a joke with a kid. He could do anything and that appealed to me. I liked that.

Bruce, heartbroken at the implication that Dick liked Superman more because Clark smiled and laughed whilst in costume while he was bound by the constraints of the persona he created for himself: *walks away, out of hearing range*

Dick: But really, my favourite superhero was never costumed. It was Bruce... Well, it is Bruce, not was.

Tim, grinning like a gremlin: Was huh?

Dick: NOPE! Not was, is and forever has been and will be. Just like Batman is my favourite costumed hero.

Jason: I still say Wonder Women is bet—

Dick and Tim: *give him the look*

Jason: Alright, fine. But Bruce is my dad, okay? I'm biased. Of course, he's my favourite. He saved me! If I wasn't biased, it would be...

Tim and Dick: *Stare harder*

Okay that- but with Bruce and his kids

And his kids just start getting increasingly more concerned when Bruce answers bare minimum for everything

The first time it’s funny, right- haha, Bruce, you fool, now I get to dunk your head in ice water because you think letting me fall asleep on top of you right before patrol knowingly to stop you from going out is bare minimum when in fact it’s princess treatment lol

But then it gets increasingly worrisome. 

The kids abandon the list, naming more and more absurd things they’ve done, or have watched Bruce let them do and they start getting concerned

Because is there anything Bruce wouldn't give them?

Steph: me, cass, barbara, ivy, lois, selina, and harley are all getting our hair and nails done and I need your credit card.  Bruce: of course, bare minimum, my girls get what they want.  Dick: you’ll pay an all expenses trip for me and the entirety of Young Justice anywhere we want in the world for a whole month and I don’t have to tell you anything about what we do or where we are? Bruce: as long as you stay safe, chum, I know you trust them and that’s great! Bonding trips are always fun, money is no problem. Bare minimum. Tim: you’d give me the Manor and move out because it’s the first real home I’ve had? Bruce: bare minimum, of course sweetheart, my bags are packed, i can sign it over to you in a second, once we finish playing.  Jason: letting me use you as a personal shield and then taking your blood because i have a flesh wound and need some more Bruce: *scoffs* of course! My cape is bullet proof and I will always shield you. My blood is your blood, we’re family. Bare minimum.

Listen, I ran out of really like desperate things they should ask him but you get the gist right?

Tim: My fantasy threesome

Bruce:

Tim:

Jason:

Dick:

Damian:

Steph:

Barbara:

Tim:

Bruce:

“Oh hello there?” Bruce’s head tilted downward in confusion. Which he shouldn’t have done as his old bones were begging to hurt. But that was the least of his problems as a bunch of people were at his door. He didn’t know who they were but they looked concerned.

“Hey B, I know we haven’t all spoken in a while but Clark texted us that you had an emergency surgery, and well we just wanted to check on you.” The oldest of the bunch spoke stuttering a little. He looked maybe about 40. The man’s blue eyes were dilated and he was shaky. And the man next to him with a white streak in his hair spoke up next. “Sorry we haven’t talked in a while old man, but can we all come inside and talk?”

Despite all his years of being Batman and now retired he has never been so damn confused. He lets the people in. The last to enter was a young man in a doctor’s coat, he reminded Bruce of Talia. They all settled in the main sitting room, as they had walked there Bruce was still trying to wrap his head around who these people were. “So the old batcave been sealed up Alfred said.” The blond girl stated.

Bruce froze. How did they know about Batman? And how did they know Alfred? Did Alfred tell them about him? Is that why he’s in England? “How do you know I’m Batman?” He asked, his head was aching and his thoughts were going in circles, he’s not Batman and after all the anaesthesia from that surgery has made everything hazy. The whole room had stopped at his own comment. They all stared deeply at Bruce, trying to see if he was either joking or poking fun at them for not seeing him for a long time. “Well was Batman.” Bruce corrected himself thinking that was the problem.

“Father, d-do you know who we are?” The youngest of the bunch asked. Bruce looked perplexed. Father? He thought. “Do you perhaps have a concussion, is that why you went to surgery? You have to stay in hospital if your memories aren’t fully recovered.” The young man approached him. He stepped back and began to get a little defensive.

How dare these people accuse him of not rembering them! He’s never met them. He knows he has never met them. His memories have been foggy sure but not enough for him to forget people. The group looks concerned and sends looks at each other like communicating through facial features. A large bang and loud footsteps approached. It was Kate.

“Hey kiddos! What are you all doing here? You know I didn’t seriously mean stay in Chester everywhere. So sorry Bruce this is the cast for a production of Batman the musical,” Kate repeats quickly “they don’t actually know your Batman, but they are seriously committed to their roles how about you get us some water?” Kate rushingly tells her cousin. Bruce has a brief look of being weirded out but shakes his head and goes to get the water.

Kate slams the door behind him. She sighs and turns around to explain what just happened to her Bruce’s and nephews. But first she wanted to know why they were here. “So what, heard your “not” dad went into surgery and suddenly you care and show up,” Kate glared at every single one making them all feel briefly uncomfortable,” yeah well guess what things happened while you were all away so now everyone is trying to help fix it.” Dick spoke up. “What did happen Kate, why did Bruce have that surgery,” dick inhaled a deep breath,” and why can’t he remember us?”

Kate sighed and sat down.” I got here a few days ago after a shift at the bar, and I found Bruce on the ground. There were petals and blood on his face and surrounding his head. I called an ambulance and he was taken to the hospital, there I found out he hand hanahaki disease.” Cass and Damian gasped ,” the doctors said they may still be able to save him. And at taht moment I didn’t know who wouldn’t return Bruce’s love. And I didn’t what to lose one of the only people who was there when I was young. So I agreed.”

She continued her voice still strong,” it wasn’t until after we left the hospital and brought you guys up and he didn’t know who you were that I understood. It wasn’t unreturned romantic love but familia love instead.”she shook her head in our dispoinment at the room of ADULTS. “Bet you all are so happy, you left Bruce and now you never have to worry about him being in any of your guys lives anymore.”

Kate gets up and opens the door to leave. “And remember, your the reason your father forgot you, none of this is his or anyone else’s but your owns fault.”

Clark only gives him the bare minimum unless he begs for Clark's cock until a meal isn't good unless he's drinking Daddy's milk beforehand.

He's been stalking Bruce for months before he snatches him off of the street one day. It was Bruce's fault anyways, he shouldn't have been so nice to him when they crossed paths months ago and Clark couldn't help himself but want the pretty angel all for himself.

Alfred, the batboys and the justice League members can hold y/n as long as possible without getting bit but whenever Bruce holds y/n he always ends up with tiny bite marks

Hey this made me laugh for like 15 minutes. I love u

The Littlest Wayne: Teething

Bruce is fine. His sons will tell you he's pouting but he's not, okay.

It's just that you obviously love your brothers more than him. Anybody would be upset by that. But he's not pouting.