#poly community

Yeah, so a lot of other poly advice things will recommend looking for poly meet-up groups on Facebook and stuff, but there aren't any of those near me soooo.... ¯\_( ''/ )_/¯

I've had the best luck with dating apps, honestly 😅 A surprising proportion of people will say they're poly/enm and then you like those people and if you're on Hinge you just add a message like "heyyy, other poly person!! I need some poly friends, can we talk?" and like half of those will match with you and bada bing bada boom you got friend options in your area!

Its not a perfect method. For example it works best if you put it in your profile that you're poly and looking to make more poly friends, but that does mean that information is public, so if you're wary of that, tread carefully (you can always just match with other people who say they're poly and give out the information that you're poly at your discretion, but it will get you more matches if you're willing to say it at/before the point of matching in my experience). But it works well enough for me.

If you're looking for online friends, there are a lot of poly groups and discord servers!🗨️ The one I can give an invite to is here, though I hope others have more in the notes!

The clear rule is consent for all parties. If that is missing, it’s not happening. I’m sick of being accosted by people of all genders who just want to use me to cheat, or who are forcing their partners to agree to it, then try lying to me that they’re okay with it, which still is not consent for me or them. Or if their partner says no, they still continue to accost me. Like, me and your partner are that invaluable to your selfish self centred ass? We are people. It mentally harms me as well, but poly people don’t usually get any sympathy for cheaters entering our spaces in sheep’s clothing. We always apparently deserve it or 100% agreed to it or “wasn’t lied to bc they are just sex demons” because of the monogamous leading ignorant societal assumptions and force feeding of the money grabbing business of marriage (marriage is all well and good, but it’s used as profit and to gain millions of pounds of coin all year round so it wouldn’t be “beneficial” if more people were like hmm maybe not marriage as it’s illegal to marry multiple people). There’s nothing wrong with loving numerous people, you can’t help nor stop that, just like we love multiple friends at once. But it’s how you navigate that, so don’t be in a monogamous relationship if you can’t/will cheat instead of trying out polyamory with only consenting parties.

Likewise, respect if poly people get into a monogamous relationship, respect if a someone who was in a monogamous relationship comes out as poly and stop judging them. I’ve had people try pressure me into not being faithful “because you used to be poly” babe I still am, but I still don’t want to experience that right now! I literally needing to focus on other things! And you can bet I won’t consider you again if you can’t respect my boundaries or consent because that would not turn into a partner who values me. I’ve also had people apply monogamous norms of jumping to the next parter/breaking up with the last, to me, with me somehow needing to leave my primary partner in order to be with them in a monogamous relationship? Like what? What??? Why’re your fishing in poly pools for a new mono partner???