#perverso

por Esu Emmanuel

Cuando uno se hunde en una decepción que lacera hasta enmudecer el alma, impregnándola de hiel, bilis y descreimiento, lo único que queda es ceder a la maldita muerte. No hay otra salida. La pesadumbre invade incluso al más noble de los corazones, apagando la sístole con la frialdad del silencio y la diástole con la cínica indiferencia. Tengo tanta hiel en las falanges que apenas logro acariciar al más grotesco de mis demonios… y ni siquiera él se complace con ello. Me cansé de apuñalarme el corazón: buscaré a alguien más que muera por mí, porque yo ya me cansé de morir tantas veces… y todo para nada. Hace tiempo que no me sentía tan turbio, tan hostil, tan hundido en el umbral de la malicia.

Todavía guardo en la lengua la hiel de sus besos, el sabor áspero de su piel espesa y ese sinsabor tatuado en la punta al terminar de lamerla. Aun con la acritud de su saliva quemándome la boca, no dejaba de desear morderla… masticarla… tragarla y beberla como si fuese miel en vez de bilis purulenta. ¿Será que la extraño? ¿Será que necesito pelear con ella? Qué daño tan dulce, qué amarga dolencia: tenerla lejos y, al mismo tiempo, clavada como una espina ardiente.

No, no quiero que te quedes. Lo único que quiero es jugar a que me dueles y me quieres matar. Si tan sólo pudieras ser el agua turbia de mi oscuridad más desdeñosa… Hay pasiones que duelen porque así deben ser: de ese dolor se alimentan, y ninguna otra cosa puede encenderlas. Se encienden y se apagan con la misma cerilla.

Gall and Honey

by Esu Emmanuel

When one sinks into a disappointment that lacerates until it silences the soul, steeping it in gall, bile, and disbelief, the only thing left is to surrender to cursed death. There is no other way out. The heaviness invades even the noblest of hearts, muting the systole with the coldness of silence and the diastole with cynical indifference. I have so much gall in my fingers that I can barely caress the most grotesque of my demons… and even he is not pleased with it. I grew tired of stabbing my own heart: I will seek someone else to die for me, for I am weary of dying so many times… and all for nothing. It has been long since I felt so murky, so hostile, so drowned in the threshold of malice.

I still carry on my tongue the gall of her kisses, the coarse taste of her thick skin, and that aftertaste tattooed on the tip when I finished licking her. Even with the acrid burn of her saliva scorching my mouth, I could not stop desiring to bite her… to chew her… to swallow and drink her as if she were honey instead of festering bile. Do I miss her? Do I need to fight with her? What a sweet wound, what a bitter affliction: to have her far away and, at the same time, lodged like a burning thorn.

I've heard all kinds of fantastic things about Baruti's Hot Cotton. It sounds like it might be my perfect match for a perfume that smells like MMX6 Gate, which I'm always on the prowl for. But I'm sooooo excited about that that I want to save it as my last one to try. There's four other scents that I chose from the discovery set.

(Full disclosure, I bought the pick five set directly from Baruti. But after having paid for it, having the set in my hands, and having already tried on one of the samples, I found out about a much better "deal" through Perfumology which is all of the EDPs from the house. I'm still happy with what I got, I spent less money and have less clutter, but I figured I should let people know about both versions and both price points. $30 for 5 or $55 for 13.)

Anyways, the other night, I tried Perverso on my skin. I was pretty hype for this one. To most people, it's a gourmand bomb.

Look at that, more figs! And I love all these notes. A musky chocolate hazelnut fig sounds just delicious to me.

Unfortunately, on my skin? Burnt rubber! It smells like a fucking tire fire! It was awful. Just awful. I left it on for hours, hoping it would perhaps transform and blossom into something else, but nay, just smoke and toxins and Springfield. Not a hint of musk or food in sight.

I let my wife have a sniff. She didn't hate it as much as I did, but it wasn't great. She said it smelled like "antique furnishings". Not bad, just very eerily specific and not a smell she associates with me. I agree, it's not a very me scent. I scrubbed it off of me before bed to make sure it didn't tarnish my bed sheets.

So, today I had very low expectations for my next pick. Another gourmand from this house, but one I was very skeptical of.

I like the idea of a Chai perfume, but leather and rose are notes I'm always wary of. In conjunction with anything I seem to enjoy, these two notes often dominate and smother. Even when perfumers claim that there's just a teensy bit of rose or leather, that never actually seems to be the case, and the rose and leather become the most noticable things about the fragrance.

But this one, oh my god.

This is such a photorealistic milky tea. It reminds me of the one my Kuwaiti friend made for me. It was spicy, it was milky, and it was full of the best cardamom I've ever had. This smelled so much like that and it flung me back to sleepovers at her grandma's house. And that rose note in there didn't upset me at all! It was almost just a little splash of rose syrup in my drink.

This feels like a tight hug.

I saw a lot of people claim that this is a fragrance only suitable for cold fall days and the dead of winter, but I completely disagree. On a nice, warm, sunny spring day? This reminds me of my friend and her love of all that is green and flowering. This scent is beautiful and it brings me such joy. The contrast of milk and spices feels so perfectly balanced that I think this is totally a year round perfume.

That being said, I kind of think every perfume should be good year 'round? But I'm getting off track here.

Now, my wife thought that this was very herbal. She didn't pick up the milkiness at all, so maybe that'll vary from nose to nose! But she thought it was a fine fragrance, at least a closer fit to me than Perverso was.

So yeah! Don't let one massive disappointment with a house sway you away from trying anything by them. They might do something really good by you in a place you don't expect!

¡Perverso!

No rega seriamente, voi state davvero male, ma serio serio.

Chi ama non tradisce, indipendentemente da tutto, se si è lontani, se si hanno dei problemi, ecc...

L'amore è una cosa seria, il divertimento si fa quando si è single non quando si sta con un'altra persona, perché è mancanza di rispetto, fiducia ed empatia, ma soprattutto di tempo.

Se devi giocare con i sentimenti di una persona, comprati la play piuttosto.

È come quando mi vengono a dire " Eh vabbè si ci ho scopato ma non provavo niente per lei, quindi non è tradimento"💀, cioè raga ma seri? Riprendetevi per favore.

Poi mi chiedono "Ma perché sei così diffidente e hai così tante paranoie?" , basta guardare sti soggetti raga.

Oppure "sono fidanzata" e ti rispondono con "Vabbè ma tanto mica sono geloso"💀💀💀, oppure "e che fa? Nessuno lo viene a sapere, rimane tra di noi".