#overextending

1) Helping people is an art, not a science. There are no hard rules that will always lead you to success. Every person has their own unique set of needs, which means that there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to helping everyone (see the Caring for Emotional Needs article for understanding type-related needs). Using Fe well means being attuned to a person’s feelings and emotional needs. However, you’re not telepathic. You can’t know for sure what is happening in someone else’s mind. People often don’t even know what they themselves need, especially when stressed, so how are you supposed to “just know” for them? That’s why communication is very important. If you feel as though a person needs comfort, then give comfort. If your instinct was wrong, the other person will soon let you know one way or another. If you’re using Fe well, you’ll know when you’ve made a misstep through the disharmony, and then adjust or switch tracks accordingly. Fe means being accommodative and understanding such that the relationship can weather all the little ups and downs. But don’t forget that you are a part of the relationship and also deserve understanding. When you make an honest mistake in your effort to help, are you able to be understanding of your own shortcomings, forgive yourself, and move forward? If you are, then your question is moot, because people make mistakes, and it’s fine. In fact, you can and should use these mistakes to make the relationship better, because they are good opportunities to obtain more detailed knowledge about what someone really needs. In other words, accept these sorts of mistakes as the cost of getting to know each other better.