#otis berg

First Watch Thoughts and Review

Alrighty Superman II, let’s kick it!

Very nice abstract planetary space

Okay so there’s krypton… again, I had to double check I clicked the right movie

Who’s this evil dude on a very green screen background? Oh crap snapped poor roboman’s sneak

You can tell these 3 are evil because they are wearing black and look very scary (and a tad hot too (just me?))

Okay so triple baddie prediction here, I know the name Zod, I’m guessing he’s the leader and is as evil as Supes is good. The woman is just there as eye candy and won’t do much on her own, and big boy up there is a fucking idiot but quite strong. Let’s see how this goes

And there they go again with the rhombus

My is the Superman title screen logo so absolutely fat?!

Are we just gonna do a whole clip show? What is this Star Trek: TNG’s ‘Shades of Grey’?

Well at least this credit screen has interesting stuff to look at unlike last time

Clarky just wants to talk to people and have new friends

Oh shit Eiffel Tower is in the shits

Is that BILL COSBY ON THE WALL!?!?

Go bust some ass! Okay that suit up and trail very cheesy and doesn’t make much sense

Lois really has some spunk, distracting the security guard with a translation book, and is he not gonna run after her?

That’s nice of the terrorists to release the hostages, I’m not sure why they would do that but they seem kind

Oh god Lois what have you gotten yourself into now?

What is Lois yapping about with spelling the Nobel prize?

I can definitely tell they got a bigger budget- oh shit Lois look what you’ve got yourself into now falling to her death

Why can no movies do space explosions right?

Oh hey rhombus gang is back and randomly drifting into a shockwave set them free on very convincing green screen rigs

Okay what the hell does Lois know Clark is Superman? Because she definitely saw the him denying the car

Cigarettes and oranges. A perfect bond, going together like baddies and rhombuses

Lois is very much the fierce go getter

Okay now Clark showing off to low that he can smash into cars and crush his thumb in a orange squeezer, he really wants her to know he’s the big Supes

BOOM get friendzoned!

Hey! Otis and Lex are back, are we gonna get like 5 villains in this movie?

Lex is so getting beat up in prison for that little ascot he’s got on

Sorry but that’s one fucked looking map

I was not expecting to go to the freakin moon. I’m happy for Astro dudes engagement to Boris that’s quite nice.

Why is there gravity in the shuttle thing?

Ooo and baddie woman is back- I mean the woman who is a baddie

That’s moon walk was pretty solid.

HAHA HE SHOT UP LIKE A BALLOON, AND GOT FUKIN PUNTED! That one really got me

Okay so I think that’s Zod, but is he speaking English? They’re just playing with the astronauts like little dollys. And now strong man is doing strong things. This is exactly how I predicted

Time for the baddies to fuck some shit up

Literally how the hell did Lex make a hologram projection out of cigarettes and shives

Oh hey Miss Tacheymorso is back. Surely there can’t be just 2 guards checking the sky of a whole prison

Oh come on, Otis deserved better

Okay so Clarky and Lois are undercover as married, everyone now say “oooOOOooo”

This butler dude is quite rude and just got a icky vibe to him

That’s one freaky ass bed

And that’s one terrible hot airballoon green screen

Lois caught onto him being Superman before picking up his obvious feelings

There’s a quick scene where Clark is getting the hot dogs, and in the middle of setting up the kid obviously falling, he turns around sticks one finger up, shrugs and keeps walking. I don’t know why I just found that very funny

Bye-bye kid. How deep is the Niagara Falls!? That kid should be underwater!

Okay Lois is putting the pieces together

“Norf! Miss Teffmocker! NORF! NORF! NORF! NORF” okay calm down Lexi

Okay they wittily copying Superman 2025 with Alex and tachimasa breaking into the fortress

and slightly embarrassing but I just pieced together that Miss taskmaster and Eve in the big 25 movie. Did they not Otis back in that movie or do I have a case of the stoopid disease

Why is crystal man teaching about trees and god. How much do they know of earth? Did they think trees weren’t taught to Clark growing up?

Oh the phantom zone is that space rhombus, I know that from the LEGO Batman movie, one of the small handful of DC projects I actually saw. That movie fuckin rocks

Damn that ADR is obvious. I can’t tell if Lex likes the idea or super baddies or dislikes it or wants to exploit them or something

“Nearly perfect” it’s a very obvious disguise.

Oh fuck what is Clark gonna do? Lois is kinda nuts to do that, cause what if she is wrong?

Close one clarky, Lois has to try better the next time

Ruh roh baddies are back

Zod showing off that he can walk on water instead of just hovering

Oh fuck that’s a BBQ snake

And now BBQ Clark

Hey finally revealed his identity, about time. In the most underwhelming way, tripping into a sexy time fireplace

Spending a lot of time with these coppers and their diets.

I knew the baddies would show up

PEACEMAKER!? Go on Dwayne but spelt weirdly, go kick ass!

Awwww the the big man baddie really likes his sirens

Awww he’s trying his best with laser eyes, he’s the sweetest

And sexy baddie woman is being a sexy baddie woman. How does she know what an arm wrestle is?

How come Superman can’t do that pointing levitation telekinesis thingy?

God that flying green screen can be cheesy

Zod really wants to be a tv star and he’s just a chill guy, so chill that he’s the only I bothered to remember the name of

So proud of the big baddie, he finally got the laser eyes. And now he’s catching missiles, such a good job

This helicopter has got some shit aim

Zoddy just wants someone to fight, pwitty pweeeease!

God their eyes are both piercing in that dinner date

Supes getting shit relationship advice from his mum is pretty funny

Don’t be normalman Supes!

Wow real mummy time

I’m sure he won’t regret this at all

Well that’s a stupid thing to do. I know he has to tune out so much that he hears but surely the collective tv channels playing at once is a clear signal that there are baddies around he should put down

Jeepers that transformation scene is icky. But that scene of Superman and then Clark coming out was pretty good. Also where did his clothes come from?

Now Clark and Lois about to get freaky on that big net thingy

Update: they got freaky with it. Okay weird question but if Supes still had his powers would his jizz come out like bullets?

Why do silly government people think they can stop the baddies

Come on Mr. President, Zod just wants a big strong powerful man to get down on his knees

How did they get from the North Pole to America in no time?

Cool it Clark, your not strong and you might- nevermind I think he got the memo, he’s no longer super

Oh for fucks sake Clark, the first hour or so of losing his powers and you get beat up and the world is fucked

And now Zod wants Superman to get on his knees and come. Sorry switch those around

How is it taking him longer to get back TO the fortress than it did to get from the fortress to the diner, and why didn’t Lois come with?

FATHERRRRRRRRR!

And now Clark sees a glow stick on the ground which I can only assume will immediately undo the no powers thing

Poor zoddy he is so sad he can’t beat someone off- I mean up

Oh Lex is back, forgot he was here. I see he’s still full of himself

Lex wants Australia? Oh hell yeah Lex this is an invitation to get your booty cheeks over here to the land down under, we’ll treat you right with some pocket change sausage sizzles outside Bunnings

Oh those baddies are causing a ruckus at the office

Lex walking in all suave, how things never change

Ooh cat fight between Lois and baddie woman. (When do they kiss?)

Where the FUCK have you been Superman!?

Oh my god, I don’t know if I want or don’t want a fight with them mid air. It just looks so goofy, especially with big brutes growls

I see that’s exactly what’s happening

This fight scene is so silly. Why hasn’t anyone evacuated? Move your freaking stroller lady!!!!

Awww poor big brute baddie

What is that tank make of? Zods been firing at it for like 20 seconds and no kaboom

That’s so silly, Superman got stomped on into the ground and now I can only assume are in a massive intense fight scene for life and death. If only they put a camera down there

Once Zod jumped onto the car I only then realised how kinky the outfits are, like are you seen those boots and pants!?

I just can’t get over the cheesiness. Superman tossing what clearing is a mannequin on a string in killing me

SUBTLE PRODUCT PLACEMENT!!! BUY COCOA-COLA!!!!!

Well that bus throw was vet anticlimactic. And absolutely no way that could have killed him

What the fuck is everyone doing? They can’t do shit against the baddies. Too be fair all they are doing is ruining their hairstyle and being a bit inconvenient.

I fucking love this scene. All the baddies blowing people off, everyone just slightly annoyed. I really like that phone guy just still talking while sideways and laughing

It’s like the Gangnam Style (is that still cool, funny and relevant? (Scratch that, I know it is))

God their breath just doesn’t end. What do you know Supes is just fine but also ran away, probably to recharge

My GOD Lexi is so full of himself. Why would he think they would still hold up their bargain?

Lots of silliness riding on the baddies

You-hoo! Anyone home?

Hahahaha whayt the fuck. Superman jsut trapped him in a big ass sticker! I am rolling! What the fuck was that!?

Was the screen writers high when they wrote this? The baddies fire vague lasers at Superman which turns him red. And also they can teleport now, and also Superman can clone himself or are they holograms?

(Quick appreciation of the baddie woman’s badge collection which looks fire)

Did Superman make a hologram of himself just to chat up Lois?

Lex just wants to be apart of things

“Okay now Lex you go talk to Superman and please don’t make a plan with him” - said the baddies. (Know know they got super hearing)

Who woulda thunk it, Lex betrays him and now the big Supes gotta go back to no powers again, but it will probably just make him stronger or something

Finally, someone getting on their knees in front of Zod. what’s an alien general who conquered the world in under a day gotta do to get some good head around here? Save it for the honeymoon you too

Ohhhh it blocked Superman from being affected by it and now zods hand is crushed and is making bedroom noises

Okay now they are falling into vague holes. Where the fuck did they go? Are they dead? Or just stuck in a hole

Golly what a movie, I honest don’t know what to say. It was by far the cheesiest movie I’ve ever seen and I love it for it. The story felt a bit disjointed and all other the place. And Superman and the baddies feel very nerfed and they added a buncha weird things. I can tell they got a bigger budget but they definitely took that and ran to exceed that as much as they could. All the characters feel a lot more cartoonish especially Lex.

A lot more sexual stuff than I thought or do I just have a dirty mind? I need to get some Non and Otis kissing, I need some Lois and Ursa smooching, and I need some god damn Zod and Superman Harem shit, with Lex in the goddamn corner watching! Is that so much to ask for? (I may have gone too far with that)

I give this movie a solid 7.5/10

9/10 Superman (1978)

7.5/10 Superman II (1980)

7/10 Superman (1941)

6/10 Adventures of Captain Marvel (1942)

Vote here for when I should watch the Donner’s cut

Possibly the funniest moment of the comics for me. Depressing, but funny.

Bonus gay moments "be a dear, and fetch me a real doctor" and the silent "stop trying to help, I'm mad at you":