this is dumb

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this is dumb

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does anyone know what user on here wrote “schrödinger’s dead kennedy” by iodinejam because the link to their tumblr won’t work for me and i desperately need to scream at them because. Because.
faust in heels because he needs the extra height
Sirius talking about Regulus and his friends pt. 2:
Sirius pointing at Severus: freak
Then at Barty: slut
Then at Regulus: cr*pple
Then at Pandora: homo
Then at Evan: homo
Then at Dorcas: homo

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Tfw you daily feel a stab of hunger for him and find nourishment at the very sight of him but he doesn’t ache for you
Because I can't get the Champions AU out of my head:
Gabriel grunted as another fist thudded into his stomach with superhuman power. He jerked in his chains from the force, and the cough that it forced out of him flecked his lips and his once flawless suit with blood.
And yet, the former leader of the Paris Resistance smiled. His red stained teeth reflected the bare flickers of light that graced the dungeons of the castle Lucky Break. Gabriel Agreste looked up his tormentor, who wore the same long blonde hair as his late wife, and the same deep green eyes as his son.
"Is that-" he coughed up another wad of half congealed blood "is that all you've got, Fathom? You hit like a thirteen year old child. Tell me, did you lose your strength as well as your pride when my son bested you, the so called "Black Knight" in combat and took your Miraculous?"
"Shut! Up!" Felix Fathom shouted, the twenty something young man slamming yet another fist into his distant inlaws stomach.
The punch did nothing to stop Gabriel's mocking laughter.
As Felix wound back for another blow, a calm, mildly annoyed voice stopped him.
"Felix, that's enough."
The premiere knight of the Empire of Black and Red paused to look over his shoulder at the woman behind him. She sat on an audacious, cushion laden wooden thrown that had been carried into the dungeon by four servants, clad in the red and black magical leathers conjured by the Miraculous earrings in both her ears.
Empress Bridgette of the Empire of Black and Red stood up from her throne and placed a calming hand on her champion's shoulder with a fond smile.
"Easy my kitten, I know you're upset at being ambushed and robbed of your miraculous. But you can't let your anger guide you here. Look at him, he's barely phased. Men like Gabriel Agreste, they don't falter under pain or threats. Not to themselves, at least."
Felix frowned, but turned to look his Empress in the eyes.
"Then, pray tell, what does, my Lady?"
Bridgette smirked and patted his shoulder.
"Take a step back my love, and let your lucky charm show you how it's done."
Felix flushed slightly at the Empress's blatant favor and affection even after he lost one of the most important weapons in the empire, but obeyed her nonetheless. After all nothing, not even him betraying her and sliding a sword through her chest, would ever be enough to shake the Empress's affections for her stoic knight. A fact said knight knew all too well.
"Ah, my Empress" Gabriel mocked dryly as she stepped forward "come to gloat over your brilliant strategic victory? The one where you traded the most dangerous Miraculous in the known world for a single leader of a dead Guardian cell? Truly devastating stuff. Really cripples my spirit."
Bridgette cocked her head to the side just watching him as he spoke.
She let the silence hang in the air for a beat before she broke it.
"I know your son's a sentimonster" she said simply, a pleasant smile on her face like she'd just remarked on how nice the weather was.
Gabriel's face turned into a stony mask. Nothing betraying his emotions. Like dropping into it didn't betray them enough.
"I know his name is Adrien Agreste, I know he's gone by Adrien De'vanilly and Adrien Sancoeur when undercover, I know about his friendship with the heir to house Bourgeois, his assumedly now terminated betrothal contract to the heir of house Tsurugi, and I know exactly which 8 languages he speaks.
"I know which tutors you hired to teach him fencing, acting, silent movement, public speaking, pickpocketing and even piano. I know the name of every friend he's ever made, pitifully few though they are, and I know of just about every place in the world he has ever felt safe.
"And most importantly, I know you gave him your and Felix's miraculous."
She gave him a mocking, faux sympathetic smile.
"There's nowhere he can run where we won't find him, Gabriel. No one he can trust that we haven't already compromised or removed. Your boy might evade us for now, but very, very soon we will have him back. And your little defiance will have been for nothing. Just like your wife's death."
Gabriel lunged against the chains, nearly growling.
"Ah, temper temper."
"Shut up!" He snarled "Just ask what you so clearly want to ask."
Bridgette pouted mockingly.
"spoil sport! Fine, have it your way."
She leaned in close and smiled her sickeningly sweet smile directly in front of his face.
"Tell me where Adrien went. Tell me where he was supposed to fall back too, and I promise I will spare his life. If you don't, I'll be forced to have a certain old friend of yours use the miraculous that spawned your son to hunt him down. And that really would be a waste of time for my dear Mayura when she could be doing so many other wonderful things for me."
Gabriel scoffed, and spat blood directly at her feet, just barely missing her fine shoes.
"Y-you can tell that fucking traitor Nathalie that her info is wrong. Years outdated. And you're a fool to rely on it, or her as a sorry excuse for a peacock Wielder, to find him."
Gabriel's face broke into a manic grin and his eyes went distant as he thought of his son.
"Adrien speaks twelve languages now, not 8. He's well versed in far more than just Fencing and Pianos now. His newest tutors are people you cannot know because they have names so common you don't even notice they're there when you're escort takes you down a street. So much knowledge exists in the world of the "lower class" of you'd ever bothered to look.
"As for friends, he has contacts in every city from here to the barrens of Australia. And a thousand and one debts owed to me and himself to call on in his time of need."
Gabriel sneered now, looking up at Bridget with defiance.
"And you forget, my son now carries TWO of the strongest miraculous from what was once the Mother Box. One of them a flexible force multiplyer, and the other nearly a dedicated Champion Killer. Tell me, how does it feel to know your favorite toy for collecting miraculous is in someone else's hands? If I were you I'd be feeling... Nervous." He says with a final rolling laugh that doesn't fade.
Bridgette steps away from him with a scoff.
"Felix, come. We're done here."
"but my Lady, he hasn't-"
"He's given us more than he thinks he has Felix. Now, come along. It's time we talk about your... Punishment... For losing the Cat Miraculous."
Felix's face went pale as his empress drug him out of the room.
And all the while, Gabriel was still laughing.