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We don't talk about the feeling of "misrepresenting" our source enough, despite it being a decently common thing from what we've encountered. Especially within the factid community (and even more so within the "identifying as" part of the factid community), which is what this post is going to focus on, despite it by no means being an exclusive experience. We've just seen it tenfold there, likely due to a lot of discourse that comes from just having a factual identity.
The feeling of misrepresenting your source is something we've experienced a lot. That feeling of double guessing "am I doing this right?". Of "would my source feel this way?", "would my source say that?", "do I match up enough to count?". This goes double if part of your identity *doesn't* align. Maybe it's a different gender. Maybe it's a different partner/feelings about the partner you had in source. The guilt, the feelings of being invalid, of double guessing "is this even really an identity of mine?". They creep up out of nowhere. It's easy to get lost in it, especially when you're still new, but honestly it can come just as strong years in. And it takes over everything. It's one of those feelings that just engulfs your brain, making you double guess *everything*.
Like I said, it's something we're familiar with. Especially since we have such close interaction with so many of our sources. Hell we're friends with some of ours. It's easy to get caught up in that questioning of being similar enough. We find this is truest for our factives (not many folks with other factional types have fronted enough to confirm beyond factives) compared to our fictives, who seem to be able to handle the feeling a lot better. Something about just being a factive of another person makes us feel like we have to represent them correctly. We have to be a copy of them, and we can't have any deviations. Maybe it's because we're held to such higher standards by the alterhuman community. We either have to 100% source separate or be 100% the same. There's no room for anything else. Maybe it's because we're afraid they'll see we're different and get mad at us for, being us?
But that's the trick to all of this. You can't misrepresent someone by existing as yourself. A part of having a source (and identifying "as") is you're a version of them, not an exact copy. This doesn't make your identity any less real, but it does mean things will just naturally be different at times. And that's okay. It's okay to have a different typing style, a different gender, a different partner. Because in the end we're us. We can be our own person while still being/having our source, and that doesn't invalidate our identity at all. And of course it's easier said than done. Dealing with feelings, especially when there's so much outside influence, always is. But that bit has been a good base to fall back on when we need it honestly, so we're hoping it'll help someone else too.
[Trans flag blinkie that says "punk/punks + he/they"]
Intro Post! Updates Occasionally!
Howdy!! Iām an anthro draconic opossum that may or may not be some sort of fae, Iām rat-hearted and I also consider myself a opossum therian! Iām anarchogender + transmasc nonbinary, and an anarchist without adjectives.
I mostly post folk punk stuff, Iāll probably post my own personal DIY stuff and all that. I want to play so many instruments but alas weāre poor; one day I'll start posting shitty folk punk music. Iāll also post general punk stuff, anarchy stuff, trash critters, my personal art and OCs, TTRPG stuff, whatever tf I write, and Iāll probably reblog some fandoms I like every now and then.
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Blurb: Personal reflections on embracing ontopunk ideologies and practices in the wake of todayās climate. This is my final entry for @who-is-pageās Alterhuman Writing Challenge.
Day 30 of the AHPI Writing Challenge
āDon't judge a thing until you know what's inside it. Don't push me, I'll fight it. Never gonna give in, never gonna give it up, noā if you can't catch a wave, then you're never gonna ride it. You can't come uninvited. Never gonna give in, never gonna give it up, noā You can't take me, I'm free,ā Bryan Adams.
Sometimes, I change shape based on my emotions. When Iām aggravated, I donāt become a lion. I donāt become a bear, or a gryphon, or a dragon. I donāt become any predatory species I belong to, contrary to the assumptions tied to those ātypes.
No, I become an oryx. I become a gemsbok, to be exact. My anger doesnāt look like unsheathed claws or gnashing fangs. It looks like a pair of slender, black horns, piercing through flesh. If not that, itās in the form of an elk. It sounds like a furious, restless bugle thatās a little too close, like whateverās coming is giving its final warning before it charges.
I am a bull whoās sick and tired, especially with the United States as is. I donāt need to air out the list of reasons why my countryās government is looking to fuck over me and those like me. All of those changes in one day make that evident enough.
However, I will make one thing clear. Politicians hold no authority over my identity. Things are bleak, very bleak, but when havenāt they been that way? I can count the times Iāve truly felt safe in this country on one hand, but that didnāt stop me from putting my foot forward and making the effort to see another day.
As years came and went, I grew more determined in spitting on the image of politicians and billionaires since my country is so adamant about propagating their filth. That included those who bootlick them so much that they forget they too are affected by the class disparity perpetuated between them and their āidolsā. Said determination also meant emotionally preparing for outcomes like our recent election. Itās hard to find hope under these circumstances, but that doesnāt mean I canāt inspire hope for myself or those around me who need the support.
When the second inauguration of that bastard and his fraternity of fascists unfolded, all I could think of was a song. It was a short and simple song from my childhood, albeit through a DVD bought by my parents many years after it released. Given the topic of this entry, Iāll admit that itās not a punk song in terms of genre. Itās a song that came from the animated film Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron (2002). Nonetheless, it still holds so much power to me.
Performed by Bryan Adams, this song, āYou Canāt Take Meā, plays as Spirit is dragged to a military encampment where he is expected to become a war horse. Despite how hopeless his situation seems, Spirit himself refuses to give into that hopelessness. He snaps at his captors, fights against their ropes, and digs his hooves into the dirt as the song progresses. Although he made a sacrifice to protect his herd, he is determined to return to them. That means securing his freedom at all costs. āYou Canāt Take Meā stresses this in its chorus, but this isnāt the last time that this goal is given focus.
Spiritās freedom is the heart of the filmās plot. Freedom is also a recurring theme alongside resistance against oppressive systems and solidarity with other marginalized parties. Spirit defends his freedom no matter the circumstance, even when things take a turn for the worst. At the same time, he couldnāt do it alone nor could he abandon those in the same spot as him. Spirit knew a life of exploitation isnāt a life at all, not just in his case but in the case of other captured horses and Little Creek. To me, remembering this song and the context in which it exists may have been coincidences, but they sure were useful coincidences given my position.
Yes, I am angry. Iām not devoid of a conscience, though. I canāt afford to give into hopelessness. No one can. Itās what our pathetic excuse for a government wants, and hopelessness will get us nowhere in the days ahead. Instead, Iām putting that energy into something that will provide better structure to my world view.
Earlier last year, I familiarized myself with two ideologies within the alterhuman community: ontopunk and beastpunk. Both subcultures are alike in their values and practices, but have a set focus at their core. Ontopunk centers radical acceptance of all forms of existence and the autonomy within it, whereas beastpunk centers radical reclamation of nonhuman animal identity. I'm more familiar with the latter of the two since a couple of my friends are beastpunk. That said, I've found myself gravitating more towards ontopunk as a personal ideology.
Ontopunk is often associated with kinpunk, a communal concept that technically predates it. However, I learned recently that the conception of ontopunk and its connection to kinpunk were coincidences. Ontopunk happened to come around the same time as the coining of kinpunk. Created during discussions within the Alt+H Discord server, two terms with similar approaches as kinpunk came to be: alterpunk and ontopunk. From what I could tell, these terms essentially meant the same thing. When kinpunk started floating around on Tumblr, these terms were then suggested as all-inclusive alternatives.
Of the two, ontopunk won out due to its emphasis on being. Since ontopunkās point of reference is usually a clarification for what the term is and its purpose, I personally go off of Sapphire (@/bigendering)ās proposed outline for alterpunk due to these termsā shared basis:
Radical acceptance, in which you are what you say you are.
Open exploration of your identity, including exploring and/or supporting affirming practices such as body modification.
Advocacy for the natural world, which includes supporting animal rights and plant/environmental care.
Rejection of anthropocentrism. This includes the idea that people = human, that humans are more important than other life forms, and that humans are better and different than animals in exceptional ways.
Rejection of the idea that the body is the center of identity, that one can have only one identity, and that identity canāt change.
Rejection of the idea that one can't choose one's identity, or that chosen identities are lesser in comparison those that arenāt chosen.
Rejection of intercommunal bias, particularly towards mammals as the nonhuman side of our community contains a vast quantity of mammalian members.
Note: much of this is paraphrased from the original thread covering alterpunk / ontopunk. The original thread is linked in the passage that first mentions ontopunk and beastpunk.
With this considered, ontopunk isnāt exclusive to alterhumans either. Itās open to all. Whether inside or outside of this community, itās about embracing all who express themselves how they see fit.
Furthermore, thereās the nuances of being besides oneself to acknowledge. Ontopunk isnāt only for those who actively define their own means of being but those whoāre treated as if they have no perceivable sense of being as well. Mord (@/vagabondsun) quoted itself on how ontopunk could be applied in this context:
āvagabondsun (77): [...] i think a line in there about like, acknowledging the... not āpersonhood' exactly, but the sovreignity of inanimate objects? I...] especially if we're alluding to ontology, like, object oriented ontology is a philosophical theory that exists which rejects anthropocentrism by saying that all entities, including inanimate objects and concepts, have some kind of (in very simplified and not-quite-accurate terms) a subjective awareness.ā
This caught my eye as someone whoās *multiposic (aniposic and psyposic, to be exact). For the objects in my day-to-day life, my relationship with them is usually platonic or familial in nature. Although I donāt always talk to them, I know that they coexist alongside me and are close to me as individuals. I appreciated this approach from Mord since not everyone considers the presence of objects and concepts in these conversations.
*Multiposic refers to an individual who is POSIC+ for multiple reasons; the following two labels are why Iām POSIC+. Aniposic refers to an individual who is POSIC+ due to being a practicing animist. Psyposic refers to an individual who is POSIC+ due to psychological reasons but either chooses not to disclose why or does not know why.
Aside from those details, I thought of my own sense of being. Here are some examples:
I am not from this dimension, at least not originally. Many versions of me exist across different points in my dimension of origin.
I see myself as a scholar, a quest guide and a figure akin to a wise serpent through my archetropy.
I am transspecies. I experience having multiple forms outside of the human body I occupy, specifically through phantom bodies.
I am a fictional character and creature. I hold connections to other fictional beings through soulbonding.
I am also a creature with earthen connections, be it through my experiences with earthen animality or earthen mythology.
I am an agnostic animist. In my opinion, the existence of deities and other manners of higher powers exist solely through the practitioner in question. The act of belief is what makes these figures real; otherwise, all other means of their existence can neither be proven nor disproven.
That said, I believe objects and concepts have their own form of sentience. Lack of verbal, expressive and overall physical communication does not rule out the possibility of said sentience.
I am many, many things that question the boundaries of being as proposed by the society I currently live in. If I said I was any of these truths aloud, I would be given a sideways glance by your average citizen in the United States. I donāt particularly care about that result, so long as I am in the right company. Most of them believe one inconceivable, all-powerful spirit of a man created the pots we piss in, and also use him as an excuse to condemn my existence, but you donāt see me casting judgment upon the possibility of said spiritās existence or the beliefs inspired by him. The problem is when people fully believe their way of being is superior to others or that someone elseās way of being is weird, questionable, or generally āwrongā when it doesnāt harm anyone.
Perhaps, thatās why I gravitate towards ontopunk ideologies so much. The very margins of how I perceive my existence, the existence of others and the worlds surrounding us challenges those norms. It doesnāt stop at my alterhumanity. It extends into my relationship with my environment and my day-to-day life. It includes how I envision not only my existence in this world, but how I envision the existence of all things. It is thoroughly, unapologetically about embracing what it means to be anything.
So why not embrace all of me? Why not wear that on my sleeve, defying the āpoliciesā proposed by those who aim to destroy people like me? You canāt put a law on existence. Damn them all if they do. Iāll continue to take heed of existence and the autonomy it provides.
Everyone is deserving of ontological freedom. As the coiners addressed before, ontological freedom isnāt exclusive to us alterhumans either. We share many of those freedoms with orthohumans and non-sapient beings simply by existing alongside each other. Hell, I insist that we assert our ontological freedoms even more.
Self-denial has held me back in my past, but I refuse to let it cage me in the future. I will lock my horns together and wrestle hatred to the ground. I will pierce the throats of fear and compliance until my dominance is made clear. I will drive them from my home, from those I share space with and from myself above all else.
I will still be here, and I will continue to be who I am. That is what being ontopunk means to me, especially at the start of this year.
been thinking abt trends in ontopunk fashion. ontopunk can look like just about anything, given how broad alterhuman identity is, but there's definitely a specific look most people associate with it (even if they don't know the word 'ontopunk'). I wanted to draw that look.
